July 12, 2010

Veer - The New-Age Mard, Full of Handless Trauma and Indian Vikings

Look at how Gladiator that looks!

Veer first captured my attention from the first look at the zany wardrobe that Salman was sporting, fluffy waistcoat and long ratty hair. But my good judgement prevailed and I didn't waste a few bucks on it, but yet again at my aunty dvdwallah's shop, she had a bad copy of it. But the scene that made me recklessly buy it, was this:
Salman speaking Hindi in a British accent? I am laughing and sold on it!
Salman growling out in English? I buy this dvd!

But before we get to Salman's magnum opus part, we'll get to the prologue with the Pindari clan, who remind me a ton of drunken Vikings with very wardrobe-challenged attire, plus they seem to be vampires too. As every threat Mithun makes in this film seems to be "I VANT TO DRRINK AN ENGLISHMAN'S BLAAD!" or that he'll get his strong spawn Veer to do his bidding. We meet Prithvi(Mithun being a abusive father) who is the main unofficial Viking leader who helps out Gyanendra(Jackie Shroff) in defeating other kingdoms so that they can get their land back as well. BUT OHH NO! Gyanendra betrays them by recruiting the British to help out too, and doesn't give them their land, then a bloodbath ensues!
Mithun showing us the growling that Veer will inherit
Before Jacob n Edward, there was Mithun the Vampire!
Sorry I HAD to have a cap of the over-the-top Pekinpah violence!

If you've recovered from that screencap, then Prithvi decides to slice Jackie's hand off thereby making him into another Handless Syndrome Patient, which includes Prem Chopra's bad man in Kranti and countless others! I mention Sam Pekinpah a ton, because seriously I haven't seen such stylized violence than this film, where blood gushes in slo-mo and full of gratuitous but somehow entertaining carnage onscreen. Prithvi and his clan feel very wronged and work as nomad farmers to eventually get revenge. THE FATEFUL DAY: Veer is born, but unlike other dads who would hug their kids, Prithvi takes his kid out in the barsaat and tries to give him pneumonia!
Easily the nastiest father that ever lived!

Veer grows up into a growling Salman Khan, all buff and raring to kill some bad British people! But first I have to go back to the extremely silly father-son dynamics, they act like friends and all that jazz that pamphlets preach, but still Prithvi and Veer have to try and punch each other about! Completely nuts but there's me again adding my own Psychological two cents!
The constantly growler Veer
The two ogres fighting it out in spectacularly odd time era Ana Singh clothes!

But my favorite part of this movie is the song "Taali" where all these Indian Vikings have a dance party in the most atrocious clothing ever! We also get to see some oldie-friskiness with Neena Gupta and Mithun having more chemistry than Salman and his Kat-clone Zarine Khan!
The family that drinks together, share their Mongolian clothes together
Mithun and Neena turning up the heat!
Mongolian vest, orange corduroys, long hair= Veer, Mard's best friend!

After this fun song, Prithvi sends Veer and his brother Punya(Sohail Khan -best thing in the movie) to London, to learn about their gori ways and their deception skills! In Veer's London there is a very multicultural vibe which is great, to see African students and the unfortunate Fu Man Chu moustache on the Asian students who are in Veer's class! But the scene that sold me above to buy this film is made excellent by this not-British but European actor who made me fall over from laughing with his shite accent!
The additional factor to why I bought this film!

This guy really pisses off Veer who goes on his diatribe of "Jai Bharat Maa JAI!" speech, but at this college too is Yashodhara, the gal Veer saw once when he was robbing a train. Now this is where it gets fun, Zarine Khan looks sooo uncannily like Katrina that its seriously creepy at times where she does Kat's laugh and smizeing routine(if you learnt anything from Tyra, then you should know smizing!). Yashodhara goes to the same school as Veer and they fall in pyar, alas she has two gorgeous brothers who don't like Veer
This is the Katrina-bot, who will take over the world!
This her gorgeous brother, Puru Raajkumar who sounds just like his dad!

Sorry the above shot was a crappy one, but Puru Raajkumar sounds sooo much like his dad, with that grizzly and laconic style. But obviously I wouldn't want to see a whole movie with him, I'd much rather his dad's amazing voice! SQUEAKING OVER: These two brothers make sure they make life hell for Veer and Punya:
Well I wouldn't want my sister going out with someone who wore a 'Raju the tramp' hat like that!
Sohail trying to brighten Salman permanent growling!

One momentous day, Gyanendra visits the school, and Veer finds out who his enemy really is, and the two bad bhais's beat up Punya. This was a really sad moment for me because I shouted at my TV "NOOOOO DON'T HURT SOHAIL!!!" and my sister looked at me with that familiar "My Sister is Batshit" look. But come one it was really sad, because Sohail was acting his heart out here, and hey I don't like to see the refreshing comic sidekick getting the life kicked out of him!
Even Veer doesn't want the only cheerful character to die!

Salman might as well have said that with the emotive growling he does in this scene where he saves his bhai and kills the two bad princes! Then he vows to take Yashodhara away and marry her, because she totally loves a Viking who kills her brother right in front of her! What comes later is all battle intrigue and lovey-dovey nonsense, growling and more. I'm onto my favorite parts of the film

The New Cockney Bob Christo?

This man is just glorious!
He's even got Bob's nefarious scheming skills

I don't who this guy is but he's called Steve! Steve is the bad English general/dictator that is in cahoots with Jackie's king, but he also wants to destroy India! What a notorious man he is! I just loved this actor, because hes got a Cockney accent and looks completely out of place in this movie, but somehow he just goes along with all the madness! His Hindi's pretty good as well my favorite line being "Hume RHINO ne booolayaa haai!" when he introduces the Melton-wannabe wrestler at the very DharamVeer jousting match! He looks like a right thug but he acts his way into my cracktastic heart!

The Story of the Golden Arm!
Even though he has no hand, Jackie piles on that bling
Jackie explains the immense trauma he feels! And the ecstatic revenge he'll feel after!
Veer master of no subtlety rips off the Golden Arm!



Ness said...

VEER FREAKING RULES! Sohail's BEST PERFORMANCE EVER! because omg seriously - I feel so sad for him - and if I can feel sad for SOHAIL then hes doing SOMETHING waaaaay right.


Bollywood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bollywooddeewana said...

highly hilarious review lol, this film will always be dear to my heart, as you know, i had a weeny appearance in it, i fell asleep mid way through at the cinema but i was surprised by how much i enjoyed it when i saw it again on dvd