Masala Mini Reviews: A Nice Vegetative State!

I'm finally off school and can watch all the films I want, except for the fact that I've got exams to do and a poetry anthology thingy to hand in! But a lot is riding on me getting a good report this term as I've applied to Uni too! Enough of the personal patter, more importantly I've caught up on all filmi watchings! Of course this won't be objective despite the fac that I'VE GOT A JOB AS A FILM CRITIC! YAHOOOOOOO!

Ishqiya - As a dutiful passenger on the "Arshad Warsi is Wicked!" train, I just looved this film! It was one is best roles that he's done for a while, instead playing the second banana roles in the awful Shortkut or the helpful saving grace in Krazzy 4! I really enjoy Vishal Bhardwaj's school of quirky cinema, its a refreshing change from the rest of the usual releases. And I must say I've learnt a looot of swear words to shout at my sister when I'm angry! It really resembles a cool neo-noir with the sexy femme fatale, a bag of paisa, and two hapless heroes falling for the bad gal! The relationship between Khalujaan(Naseeruddin Shah) and Babban(Arshad Warsi) and Krishna(Vidya Balan) is so well etched out, we love how Khalu melts into a puddle when she gives him a hug, and when Babban is pursueing her! And my goodness that kiss! It was pure animal lust but goodness me, Hot Stuff!

Aandhi - One of Gulzar's masterpieces! This was a really good watch to see the controversy over why it was banned! And I can see why Indira Gandhi would ban this as its a very veiled attack on her, with the ambitious father grooming his daughter(Suchitra Sen) for political stardom, having some daddy issues, marrying a normal guy that opposes her ideals. But if you didn't know the backstory of the film then its just a very intimate look at relationships and a good political drama. Sanjeev Kumar and Suchitra Sen give wonderful performances that are revealing and imbue such pathos into their conflicted characters. When i first watched this at 16(Of course!) I read all the feminist manifestos by Germaine Greer, and shouted at my Sanjeev, "Why cant you let her be a politician you Bastaaarddd!" but as a distinguished cinephile(ignore my boasting, I'm just overly happy for landing that job!) i realized that he just wanted his wife to be part of the household and she too was manipulated by her dad to do his bidding. But its still a bit iffy in some parts but all in all its a commendable film for its time, to tackle the lady in power

Chandni - My mum and dad are quite awful, bringing me up on 1942 A Love Story, and Yashraj films that gave me my BollyHollyMusicalitis! Truly this is the film that started it all for me, especially with the daydreaming I was such a wicked dancer like Sridevi, that I had a lovely jumper-clad first love, and a steaming HAWT replacement Vinod Khanna! Alas after many failed attempts of a Chandni-esque love life, I grew up! Nahiee, but when i revisited this film on the weekend all my loony behavior came back! Chandni's one of those kinda movies, you either love it or you hate it, in the case of my maaw she hates it because of "Shrill-devi"! But as a masala victim and Yashraj prey, I wholeheartedly love this white marshmallow film! Whether its the hilarious moments in Switzerland (Filmi Girl, Beth, and co book that Yashraj tour ASAP) where random people on the street act clumsily around the camera, or the fantabulous jumpers Rishi wears - half the budget must have gone on those printed crazy jumpers - or Vinod's general hotness in later age! Its just fluff and I luvvv it!

Mera Saaya - What a mysterious movie this was! I enjoyed this film a lot, it was the perfect mix of suspense and noir elements too! Sadhana was positively wonderful in this, she definitely has a mysterious enigmatic quality about which is why she was so perfect for this role and why Raj Khosla put her in soo many thrillers. She plays a woman who claims that Sunil Dutt is her hubby when she is arrested, Sunil is so shocked by how much she looks like his dead wife and sets out to prove her wrong. I love how Sunil Dutt is the most angry lawyer ever, it was like watching him in Waqt where his sheer badgering ability made the Shashi overact his pain of revealing the truth! He's not too OTT here, but he's an excellent actor and conveys all the pain of losing his love and being soo conflicted by this new gal~ A must watch

Shootout at Lockhandwala - Yes I liked this movie to an extent. Simply for the sheer magnitude of sexy men in the cast Abhishek for two minutes, Sunil Shetty, Sanju baba, Arbaaz Khan(yes he was cute here) Amitabh, Rohit Roy, Tushhar(kinda good in a serious role) and VIVEIK!! I don't need to say more than i was just drooling through most of the film, Apoorva Lakhia is a director who knows how assemble a cast that makes a woman drool! It was a timepass flick of cops against gangstas, a bit tooo violent at times, kerb smashing anyone? But the acting was very good from Viveik's side he brought back all that raw intensity from his days in Company!

Magnificent Obsession - Yep in my Douglas Sirk extravaganza I thought I'd start with his smash hit in his subversive women's films at Universal Studios. I love Douglas Sirk, he's a director after my own heart, he objectifies Rock Hudson to the maximum water-drooling-in-a bucket effect, symbolic and gorgeous colours, mirror effects, general goodness. I will cover that all in the jumbo post of my outpouring of pyar for one of my fave directors. But back to this, I loved it of course! Rock Hudson is the local rich kid in the town, on a bad day he gets into an accident, on the other side of town another guy is dying. The doctor uses the life saver machine on Rock, and the other geezer dies, bit of stigma sadness for ungrateful Rock, he tries to buy off the widow Jane Wyman who refuses, another accident late Jane goes blind - A long lost brother film to Manmohan Desai film naa? Then naturally Rock develops a Magnificent Obsession over Jane, pays her bills, conceals his identity, and they fall in love. First let me say a big AWWWWWW to this film, it did somehow pull at my fickle heart strings, and make me swoony over Rock. Lovely colours of course lots of greens but its a good watch to see Sirk's turning point and a film which people flock back to when they start their own Douglas Sirk journey! This really is a masala film that contains blindness, mistaken identities, colourfulness!

So here are some films I've watched, hope you check them out too. Let me know if you liked them too, and watch out for a Douglas Sirk extravaganza!

Filmi Poetry Part 2 or How I was a Lazy Lafungi

Yes bloggers unite like Vinod to kick my ass & dishoom dishoom me for not posting
Doston please royally tell me off for being a lazy lafungi! I have had many days full of essays all due the day I start them! Strangely I have being getting B's on these last minute affairs, which shows maybe I'm improving in some aspect, but as you bloggers know my breathless writing devoid of commas is what messes me up on my essays too, its either too many or too little! But I should be subjected to Shakaal from Shaan's crocodile pot, because I missed SHASHI WEEK! Nahieee! Shashi was soo upset by sin of not honouring him!
But to make up for my bad behavior I have a selection of my semi filmi poems that I've written for my Poetry writing class. I have a habit of writing waay too long, I dont think there's anything wrong with this, after all the great poets Donne, Keats, Pope, and others wrote looong poems devoted to anything. However my teacher feels I need to condense it up, thats true also so slowly my poems are getting somewhat shorter! But here they are:

For the Love of Coolie

That small street held the silver screen
Tucked in the alleyways of Mumbai
Around where the beggars bash at windows at busy traffic signals
Where hawkers sell the local newspapers and push for a sale
of those forbidden plastic bags

The board is cleaned for the big extravaganza
Vigilante Vijay is back in his starring role after that accident!
“Come see the thrills and romance of Coolie,” proclaims the poster
Nicely painted posters hung in the entrance
The auspicious incense sticks blessing the air

Now they all arrive, families and couples and loners
Bodies pushing and squished together in the ticket lineup
Shoving through that single door
Hustle and bustle at the snacks stand, food to fill the masses
Money hurled at cashiers, seven popcorns
And of course some Mazaa juice

That auditorium, built when the first talkies came in
When there were only 20 people in the audience
Now grew and grew for the people fed on films
Holding perhaps only half a crowd,
No matter we’ll sit on the aisle steps
Nudging and says “Jaa, tumhare seat se baeto!”

Shouts the usher, eyes widened by the amount of people
Piling in for that lambhu actor with the baritone voice
Ladies offering ladoos, and men installing a Ganesh on the stage
Flowers flung at the actor’s pasted face on the god
Lines winding all over the hall like snakes
To pay respect to that nation’s hero

The stage was a sea of marigolds, rupees, and annas
Ushers eyes glowing with intent
More of that money for the kids’ school fees
Finally, silence, standing to salute the tricolour
Wafting smells of pani-puri, and bhajia, smells circling around,
Meshed into a sickly pungent stink

Taxi drivers, slum dwellers, businessmen,
A cross section of the class screech
In unison, “AMITABH!!”
Automatic rising up, popcorn plopping
Down onto someone’s head
With a resounding Oye!

The hall now a crowd with gatecrashers,
Of another finished film piling in
Vendors stuck in static positions, unable to manoeuvre
Through the flesh and fat of the huddled masses
Pandemonium! The song arrives
He croons, “Accident hogaya, rabba rabba”

Popcorn let loose and flying, falling down
Like the unleashing of a biblical flood
Everyone and the uncle whooping and whistling
The ground shakes from all the jigging about
The hall holding half a town of joyful patrons

When it’s all done, the crunch of packets of food all around
The auditorium a chaotic mass of buzz and chatter
Of seeing their returned idol’s film
His wake from that coma, with their prayers and donated
Pay checks to ensure his health
If only he knew

The masses gone, a broken door to show
A destitute hall, mouths agape
Sitting on an aisle step
“Hume kaise saaf karega?” one ushers asks after a deafening silence

The stage was the sewage filled Ganges,
Sullied popcorn, spilt coke, cracked Ganesh, wrappers leading the way out
Ohh Amitabh, what have you done?

Explaination: I had seen a few pictures of how people flocked to see Coolie, as it came when Amitabh got his intestines kicked in and was in a coma for a long time, people were soo devoted they fasted, prayed for his life. I thought maybe exploring a crowded scene of people rushing to see this colossal hit, but also that good people paid money to enshrine Amitabh into their lives. They may not have known him, but his persona of Vijay has become a national institution and when he fell ill, they gave soo much devotion to a matinee idol.


Billo Rani

Listening to that song you loved
How you pounded the floor
Just for that melodious geet
Crowded garden, with a garish tent setup
Auntyji’s gossiping at the tables,
Uncleji’s stumbling, huddled around the beer
Kids darting in and out of rooms like chased mice
Music blaring, blasting from that new stereo
Our song, at last
Running outside, anklets going chamm chamm
Yes, it was I, a grown girl
Dancing with you
Circling each other, arms curling and rising
Swinging around to that dhol
Smiles and lyrics coming to our lips
Perhaps it was a Punjabi trait of ours
To sway and pulse our hips
Billo Rani, we screeched
Arms in flight, wrists flinging
We swirled, round and round
My lengha rising in circular motion
Assorted colours smashed into one
We fell around after, still gyrating to that dhadak
I didn’t care about head banging
Neither did your screechy voice
Grimaces abound, shaking heads
Staggering about, that champagne bubbling in the belly
Violent up chuck surging towards the exit
Skipping around, till I fell over you
Plummeting down into the prize winning flower bed
Gardenias and roses decorated with a brown dahl garnish
Perhaps I forget that you only reached upto my knee

Explaination: This was a funny moment when I returned to London, it was my aunt's 20-something birthday, and my little cousin who is equally as infected by Masala and Filminess demanded that the DJ play Billo Rani from Dhan Dhana Goal! It was a mad scene as the party was just at their house and my grandparents all live next door to them, and so there was the DJ outside who had to play. Maybe I had had to much to drink or I was in a fun mood, so it was embarassingly just me and the little boy dancing like absolute nutters to this song! Everyone was looking at our crazy moves and it was fun for me, I'm that kind of mad gal who would just break out into a mad dance at a wedding or something! But after lots of twirling, my tummy ached and from the last few lines you get the picture!

Ode to Bollywood Films

Of course its not gonna mind fuck me
To see a moustachioed man sing such love
For a woman he only saw in a chaotic scene
Thanks mum for placing me there
At two years old, to occupy me
While you had to do the hoover
Thanks for the facial fuzz fetish
I’ve got from that handsome man, his pompadour hair
*
Primary school is not the place to
Ask some hapless blonde bastard
“Sprinkle some red powder in my parting”
Skipping to naniji’s house
A happy child bride
Dropping her chai on the carpet
Like my sister’s many unfortunate accidents
Explaining my pyar for him
Of course, she will tell the parents
Movies are rotting my skull
*
Visits to babaji do no good
An education of the classics
Nice films with good socialist messages
Sitting near his chair, as he waxed poetic
His favourite films
No surprise when I come home
I want to share food with that
Loitering loopy man near school
Hurling my burger at me
Yellow and red plastered on my uniform
Perhaps one for all isn’t his motto
*
In a new land of mountains and rain
The mountains despite how romantic they are
No places to bring a chiffon sari
To twirl and sing a famous song
Rolling down some snow in reckless abandon
Pneumonia attacks the happy feeling
Exiled home from the school trip with
Chattering teeth and a frost eaten body
*
Once slouchy trousers, neat plaits, comfy jumpers
Indoctrinated by the sixties and seventies films
Transforms one into a bold beautiful babe
Winged lines flying near and past my brow
Crazy prints and wild patterns adorn me
Dancing the twist at dances
Perhaps landing on the bum
After too much swigging and swinging
*
Falling in love with that jazzy kid
Life is lovelier, running with him
Through the pungent mustard fields of your mind
Let him kiss you, cheek only,
Evade a proper snog by hiding behind a narrow tree
Begrudge him when he won’t visit a rose garden
Or wear a colourful jumper and compare you
With those vibrant gardenias and sunflowers
Rather torture you through jazz tunes
Croon “kabhi kabhi mera dil meh khayal aata hai!”
Interrupt the aghast musicians
*
If love fizzles out, let me sink into
A whiskey and rum induced melancholia
Comforted with ice cream, ladoos and mini eggs
Won’t purposefully run down my stairs and screech NAHIEE!
When the jazzy tosser steps out with the stick insect
Emoting heartbreak like stilted silent film actresses
My balcony, where the world watches my melodramatic suicide attempts
*
Bollywood, I love you
Shaped me, transformed me
A loony I am to this day
Life isn’t the same without
A hope of some equally bonkers boy
Who will whisk me away
To Pancham’s tunes and twist with
Me on some magical mountaintop!

Explaination: Need I say more? This is my piece de resistance! Its partly true of my nutty fondness for all things Filmi!
Ode to Manoj Kumar

Why dost thou cover thy face?
Behind those hairy long fingers
Lies a sensible, thoughtful, brooding, Byronic Bharat
Injustice you conquered
Corruption thy fought off
Diaspora thou explored
Hearing problems thee tackled
Smile please with that witty grin
Hope and pray with funky songs
That the Desh will repair itself
Thy earnest messages shall be smacked to the audience
Thou loved mirror angles
Perhaps thou ought to meet Douglas Sirk
Maybe colours, mirrors, wobblyness, and tinting
Were from that LSD you were on
That hair puff grew with each film
To a pompadour that reminds one of Anil
Shashi made you like the fat old man in the corner
Yet thou let those smiles and curl shine
Thy generous directing allowed Amitabh
To outbrood thine with only one arm
Zeenat loved you after all
Moushumi wanted you bad
Saira changed under you
Asha appreciated your thoughts
Nanda didnt look comfy with you
Hema wanted to run her hands across your long sideburns
Manoj, puff and podginess need not deter you
Please cover thy face 320 times
One loves you all the same, sans face

Explaination: This is an old relic I dug up from my high school Creative Writing class. It was the mad transformation years when i went retro and bought tons of 60's n 70's dresses that Saira or Asha might wear, and also when i fell into my Manoj pool of Bharat emoness! Its quite terrible and perhaps i read a Keats ode when i wrote this! Thy, thine, thee, thou all misplaced but forgive a mad 16 year old at the time

So I hope you enjoy these mad and silly poems that I've written and let me know if they are quite mad or wonderful!

70's Week! Manoj aur Rum - the affair that started it all!

Emo pain personified: Bharat the face covering hero!

Its 70's week here in the Blogosphere, and I thought I'd shed some light on the man that started my 70's film odyssey: Manoj Kumar. I am the tiny majority that loves things all Bharat, I first happened upon Purab aur Pachhim, when it was my 16th burrday, and my parents gave me a ton of birthday money, and thanks to the lovely aunty dvdwallah I was able to indulge in my 70's paraphernalia. But I was struck by Manoj because he was so cuuute, and had a lovely and sometimes awful puff like Dev Anand did, but more importantly he was earnest in his filmmaking. No man ever came as close to the Bharat - emo man of the country, Manoj made himself into a symbol of a frustrated nation, just like Amitabh's angry man voiced the concerns of the fed up people in the Emergency. So here is why Manoj makes me happy:

Bharat wants you to behave

• · Manoj rocks because he has a brilliant filming techniques which influenced me a lot when I sent off my own school produced Bollywood movie to the local fim fest. His sweeping cuts, and frenetic shots in Upkar were maybe silly but made effective points. The crazy colours of Purab aur Pachhim reflected a mad generation of the upcoming 70's, especially the glut and madness that was the boat song.
The sternest upholder of patriotic values!


• · Manoj rocks, because he is sooooo HAWT in a blobby, serious-man-next door style, he was always a bit blobby but then I love a bit of flab on my men, like my pyar for Shammi, Shammi wouldn't be himself without his jiggles and wobbles, and rolly cuteness. Just like Manoj wouldn't be Manoj without his tight coordinated t-shirts and bell bottoms and signature fluffy pouffy hair
• · Manoj rocks, because he founded the Byronic Nationalist man of India, in Roti Kapada etc, no one could have been so broody in that movie and especially the scene where he sings "Main Na Bhulunga" the sad one, that was one sad man! He even outbroods Amitabh in the film, I thought that wasn't possible but his sadness was overflowing.


• · Manoj is great, because he did only 120ish face covering sadness moves in Upkar when he started out, but right till the end in Clerk he gave a whopping 320 (I'm on Olympic holidays, and I'm bored??) face covering sadness faces moves, it was a delight and I don't know why he needed to pull a hissy fit for Om Shanti Om, i would consider that a lovely compliment!


• · Manoj is an uber nationalist and patriot in every single movie he directed, which was brilliant at the time of the Emergency of Indira Gandhi's reign and the many wars fought with Pakistan, he appealed to the masses as a sort of common man who has all of India's injustices to fight and boy he fights 'em. It would seem that subjects that he chooses are bleak and hopeless. But Manoj lifts the tempo up with a bunch of masala ingredients sadness redemption and happy resolution. Thats why I don't mind that he symbolized India and all the massive obstacles they face.


• · Manoj tends to be fascist leaning, especially in the god-awful sinfully released by him Clerk. In all his movies there was an obvious overflow of patriotism that were in the dialogues and everywhere but with his patriotism highlighted a few times, Manoj usually gets back to the story but in this shit picture it was an abslolute fascist backwass. It was soooooooo right wing that i got so upset watching that I threw it over my balcony. Patriotism is fine, Manoj rocks because he makes mistakes like this abomination!


• · Manoj has excellent dialogue delivery, as I mentioned in my English dialogues post, he has wonderfully cute delivery that is very sparse in pauses, but its that deep soulful voice that made me awwwwwww. Though he sometimes sounds mumbly its just the Manoj way!


• · He makes excellent jodis with Shashi = Manashi? Shatrugan = Shatroj, Amitabh = Manotabh, Prem Chopra = Manoprem, and Dilip Kumar = Manolip?


• · He loves Dilip Kumar like a fanboy likes Star Wars, he got soo giddy when filming his fight scene with Dilip in Kranti that he wouldn't come out of his dressing room as he didn't want to hurt Dilip awwwwwww


• · He always has an excellent supporting cast of Asit Sen as the comical relief, Prem Nath as the religious stereotype that always smokes(chi chi chi!!) Kamini Kaushal as his sabse pyari maa, Madan Puri as lecherous bad guy/nice father/black marketer, Aruna Irani as vamp that is very unfortunate, Prem Chopra as bad brother/rapist/general Bad man!


• · Manoj loves to show sex, his very frenetic and shocking rape scene in Roti etc was a bit of an omigosh but he pushed the boundaries, and showed a proper cut shot of sex with Manmohan with an English girl in Purab, a rape scene in Kranti, and a shameful one in Clerk!


• · Manoj never thinks he gets old as he played a college kid in Clerk in 1980 something which means he was 55 to play that, and he though he could play an 19 year revolutionary in Kranti as mentioned in the lines "I'm a 19 year old man, and I can get these whites out, irrespective of my YOUNG age!"


• · Lastly he rocks, because he can do everything direction, editing,lyrics (horrendous in Clerk) writing, producing and singing! VAAAH VAAH VAAH!

So here is my first outpouring of pyar for a 70's icon, that just made my day when I discovered him! Hope you like it and share some of Bharat/Manoj experiences!

Mr Filmi Right - The Good, The Sweetest, and The Funkadelic

Again its time for the annual belated Valentines Day post, I hate that day! Maybe I'm turning into a bitter old Bette Davis and spewing acid on nice commercialized holidays and the Olympics that are taking place in city! This is another shameless copy of Bollyviewer's wonderful list of Mr Rights, my list is a list of Mr Rights who I just adore no matter if their actions are quite silly or if they're overly romantic, I just love them all the same! There's some terrible cheating as some Mr Rights are persona's of many films, but alas they're cute too! In no order at all as I hate those kinds of lists where you have to choose your favorite as number 1, there's toooooo many to choose from! 1. Naren Singh - 1942 A Love Story
Y'all knew some Anil would be here! I think because I was indoctrinated into Bollywood due to this film, I have moustache pyar! I don't know what it is about facial hair, but I just like it, and Anil was the key perpetrator of this! But silly digression as usual, Naren is one of my favorite filmi Mr Right's because he's passionate in a way Anil could only exude such as climbing on his gal Manisha Koirala's balcony to simply ask if she'll be at their hotspot the library tomorrow! And he's perfect because he's a rich boy and though he's born into privelege he would gladly dump all that as the subtitle above says, because he loves RAJJJO! When i was a kid and perhaps still now I wished my name was Rajjo instead Rumnique, because my name has the typical "OMG RUM, alcohol name thats so cool!" Alas Naren is my ingrained filmi Mr Right because of his sheer sweetness and passionate self!2. Aditya Kashyap - Jab We Met

I loved Shahid in this film, behind the glasses we forgot his dancey happy persona and fully embraced this depressed guy, who was livened up by Geet! I loved how his character had a growth period that we actually saw, unlike a quick montage and he's all better kinda thing. When he realizes his gradual love for Geet and goes to find her, I was so with him, and when he tried liven up Geet it really seemed like such a sweet gesture. And that snog at the end, felt so unforced and cute 3. Vanraj - Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam

How could I forget the nicest hero ever! Vanraj was a completely selfless guy who had the unfortunance(my silly word) to marry Aishwariya in this film, he agrees to reunite his biwi with her silly lover Salman and doesn't make it too obvious that he minds that he'll be going home without his love! Ajay was at his sweetest in this role, I just really loved the simple scene where he gets on the bus without his wife, and when he comes back he acts like nothing happened, I don't know what it is about that scene but it just sums up the overall love! I loved this epic sweeping movie just for Vanraj, he was miles better than the annoying Salman, who was in his 90's phase of dropping his shirt every 2 seconds, it just got tiresome after a while. And i was relieved to see that Ajay acted with subtleties and that he was all covered up! What a sweet selfless Mr Filmi Right!

4. Dr Nice Guy - Bandini
I couldn't remember Dharam's name in this lovely movie. I think a perfect Mr Filmi Right has to be progressive and he does just that in Bandini. He's smitten with Kalyani(Nutan) who helps him out with a contagious patient at their prison hospital. Despite Kalyani's hesitation to love him, he sees through her self-punishment and allows her to live again. He even tells his maa about his love for a prisoner and she unlike a usual filmi maa doesn't scream a NAHIEEE. Dharam is an absolute sweetheart here, as he gets Kalyani to slowly come out of her shell, and this another lovely progressive role like the nice guy in Anupama.

5. Sam - An Evening In Paris

As you all know I love the Kapoor whichever one it is, but there's a real soft spot in my filmi dil for a persistent charmer like Shammi Kapoor! I first happened upon Shammi when i was around 10 watching Junglee on Zeetv in London. At first I was like, why is he hassling her all the time, UGGHHH enough with Yahoo! But I moved on and appreciated what a change in hero-ness Shammi was, you never really saw a filmi man charm his gal by following her and dancing funkily in a park for her, they were either wooing with words or nice songs in fields. Shammi in An Evening in Paris is just wonderful, who wouldn't love a man nuzzling you near the Eiffel Tower or hanging from a bloody helicopter for you! Talk about outlandish and charming love, I'm a sucker for Shammi's wooing in foreign places!
6. Sid - Wake Up Sid

I know this seems like a crazy choice, but Sid is totally a filmi Mr Right! He's just adorable and he's another Mr Right who's growth pattern gets shown in a film, and thats what endears me to him. He cooks an egg for you, he learns to clean up after you shout at him, he changes your perception of him, the list goes on. Sure he's the irresponsible type in the beginning but you can really see why Koko would fall for his nice charm, plus there's no fuss about age with him. He doesn't flinch or go Nahiee when he falls for Aisha, he relys on her, he supports her, I'm sorry this another one of those "Rum fawns over Wake Up Sid" for the hundreth millionth time ever! But i guess the reason why I love Sid as a Mr Right is because he is the most relatable and realistic portrayal of a guy that we've all got or met in our lives.

(Couldn't resist a shot of Shatru and a plant LOL!)
7. Swaggering Bad Shotgun - Blackmail

Blackmail is a loved classic in the blogosphere, and rightly so because the general Dil SQUEEE it gives anyone with the sheer romance and lovely scenes. But I'm a gal who loves a bad boy and there are many delicious men who deserve their own Bad Man lists but I'll definitely do that another day, but the baddest Mr Filmi Right is Shatrugan in Blackmail. He is soo badass in this film, manipulating his best bud Dharam to get the magic solar power. I love that Shotgun is a man with an environmental cause, he needs to screw over his friend for money as well as saving the earth (as if, I wish he were that noble) but he's just badass with his general funkadelic shirts and that booming voice that often reminds me of Richard Burton's growly voice. Shatru was not a nice character here, but you could tell in some spots that he felt something Raakhee but the cause of solar power pulled him away. Swaggered his way into my dil!

8. The Raj/Rahul persona - Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge/Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Obviously being brought on the Yash Raj pyar which brought on my BollyHollymusicalitis I just haven't found a Mr Filmi Right who matches up to the gargantuan standards that the Raj/Rahul persona has created in the Yash Raj infested mind of mine! But thankfully my BollyHollymusicalitis has lessened and I'm thankfully not a Mahi from Bachna Ae Haseeno to look for a Raj/Rahul in anyone! A long ramble later, SRK embodies an ideal type of man who is both funny and sombre, I cant forget the time I watched DDLJ in Stanley Park in a shoddy tent with a real butt ache from sitting on grass, but hell I watched it for Raj/Rahul! Raj in DDLJ is the epitome of love in a NRI generation, he'll realize he's in love with Simran and vow "Simran mein aa raha hoon/Simran I'm coming" which would set anyone's dil going SQUISH! Raj is the nice type who'd want your demon eyes dad's approval rather than run off with you, because ya know he's just the traditional hindustani at heart! Onto the Rahul persona that is such a MR Right, he raises a terribley annoying daughter, he'd even go half the way across the country to rescue his kid from a cold, (My maa snorted at that part, 'what kinda father is he? A bloody cold?!') and end up falling in love again! Rahul is funny and sweet to his friend Anjali, and funny and charming to Rani too. He's just lovely and he'd make an ideal Mr Right!

9. Raju - Aawara/Shree 420

With the ammount of Tweeting about my Raj Kapoor essay, there had to be a spot for Raju. I may be the minority of people who adore Raj Kapoor, no matter what an asshole he may have been in real life, I just respect his films so much and the Raju persona ! But to Raju, in Aawara he may have been a real junglee acting out his class frustration by turning to crime, but he's my Mr Filmi Right, because he is given a chance to be good by his gal Rita, and when he's in love, he's just soo passionate! That famous slap and junglee scene in the film is just raw and hot, never had anger and fiery love been so shocking and so sexy, especially the erotic song that entails after. Raju is a junglee that wants a chance to love and belong, and lashes out at society at his misplaced identity. There's nothing hotter than an emo bad man. In Shree 420, Raju is the cutest Mr Filmi Right, because RK just lays on his infinite charm, channeling his idol Chaplin but not too the point of being annoying, he woos Nargis in the most cute and comedic fashion. But of course he's my Mr Filmi Right, because he gave Bollywood its own Gene Kelly rain song in Pyar Hua Ikrar Hua! Sure Raju was led astray by the bad Nadira, but this hero redeems himself by being noble and cute at the end.

10. Bharat emo man of the country - Purab Aur Pachhim

I reviewed Purab Aur Pachhim in the beginning of my blogging life, it was one of the formative films of my teenagedom when I discovered the beauty of old Bollywood films, and the much needed masala added to my diet as a filmgoer. There was something about Manoj Kumar that was just Mr Right material. You say "well of course he's Bharat" but beyond being a preachy hero in his directed films, Bharat was never too preachy in PAP as he began to in later films. Bharat goes to London and gets a huuuge culture shock but he gets used it, and his staunchly Indian views were a reminder of a land that Saira Banu's family left behind. Bharat is a good guy who educates his gal and her brother in the Indian way, but he doesn't force it down their throats as they make up their own minds on their cultural identity. Bharat is a Mr Right because he's cute and educational without being annoying!

There's the list, some are crazy choices but I love these filmi men and there's something perfect in them that makes them a Mr Right for me. I definitely need to do a lovable rebels and Bad man list in the future, because there are so many perfect Mr Wrongs! Who are some of your Mr Filmi Rights or even your Filmi Mr Wrongs?

Filmi-ish Essay - Devdas a useless lafunga or heartbroken lover?

Bechaara Devdas, the self destructive anti-hero

I know I have been a really annoying twitter person whenever I have an essay due, but its because of my laziness that i put everything off to the last minute! I hope the teacher likes this because I like it and I hope you enjoy it too. This essay is more about the novel Devdas than the movies but it goes in depth and wonders why Devdas is a inactive lazy bum! Sorry i have to say I love how i used the word ISHHH in the title after that silly sound Aishwariya makes in the rubbish 2002 version of the film! Hope you like it!


Devdas: A Byronic Bollywood Hero

“Devdas” by Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay is one of the classics of Indian literature, subject to many film adaptations in Indian cinema, including a recent psychedelic version of the story. Devdas deserves to be placed in the Norton Anthology alongside other great writers, due to its tragic eponymous hero and the insights into Bengali life.

Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay was one of the leading literary deities of Bengal, he published several books earlier Nishkriti, Charitraheen, Parineeta, and Srikanta, but his most famous novel is Devdas. Sarat Chandra was born on September 15th, 1876 in Devanandapur, a village in West Bengal. He spent his childhood in poverty and was constantly shifting from town to town in Bengal, and received little formal education. In his adulthood, he moved to Burma in 1903, and it was here that Sarat Chandra started sending his novels and short stories to Calcutta journals. The reigning author during this time was Rabindranath Tagore, who had a rumoured rivalry with Sarat Chandra, whose novels were much more understandable and realistic for the reading masses of Bengal. It would be fitting to include Sarat Chandra to the canon of literature due to his indelible mark on Indian literature with his unforgettable character Devdas.

His crowning achievement Devdas was written in 1901, and later published after some revisions in 1917, which included the more tragic ending to the novel. The novel tells the tragic love story of Devdas and Paro, childhood sweethearts torn apart when Devdas leaves for school in Calcutta, and when he returns Paro proposes they get married. Devdas, unable to stand up to his parents, rejects her, and Paro is married off to a wealthy widower. Devdas, heartbroken after another rejection from Paro, returns to Calcutta and along with his friend Chunilal he seeks solace in alcohol and a courtesan Chandramukhi who falls for him. Devdas continues on his self-destructive path until on his deathbed, when he travels to Paro’s home only to die alone at her doorstep.

This tragic tale has stayed in the minds of readers because of its seminal hero that can immediately be identified in the subsequent films and novels featuring a self-destructive hero. Devdas is not a typical romantic hero, because he is unable to proclaim his love for Paro despite loving her dearly. In one scene in the novel, Paro boldly goes to Devdas in the night to propose their marriage, but Devdas is preoccupied with protecting her honour rather than facing up to the real reason she came to him, and answers with:

“You must know that my parents are dead against this?
Parvati nodded – she knew.
She didn’t say a word more. After what seemed like an eternity, Devdas heaved a sigh
and said, “So then, why?” (Pg36)

This exchange highlights Devdas’ anti-hero like status, as he is unable to accept his love and rejects Paro, because of parental opposition. Even through earlier passages in the novel, we can tell Devdas loves Paro, but he cannot upset societal norms of marrying from another caste. After this scene, Devdas is chastised by his parents and he escapes to Calcutta, where he writes a letter of rejection to Paro claiming, “Another thing: I had never felt that I loved you tremendously – even today. I cannot feel any deep well of sorrow in my heart for you … Try to forget me, I pray that you succeed,” (Pg39). This rash action by Devdas reveals his indecisive nature as soon as he posts the letter he realizes he is actually in love with Paro. He then feels guilty for sending the letter, and muses, “How would this arrow he had dispatched go and hit her?”(Pg40), he later realizes his folly of upholding the narrow-minded views of the caste system, which an educated man like Devdas can see is wrong.

Devdas is a tragic character worth studying in literature because he is so inactive and indecisive in his love story, which sets forth his downward spiral. The reason he is indecisive is that the love of Paro and Chandramukhi is what drives the narrative, the situations when they confront Devdas is what develops him as a character. Devdas turns to drink when Paro rejects his proposal that they elope before her wedding, in anger he strikes her brow, “For shame Paro, I have merely left a mark for you to remember our last meeting,”(Pg46), this moment solidifies their relationship as the blood resembles the sindoor in the hair parting of a married Hindu woman. With this rejection, Devdas is dejected and he willingly goes to the courtesan harem and drinks his sorrows away. Devdas begins to hate women and spurns Chandramukhi, who finds him charming; “There isn’t a woman on earth who wouldn’t deny herself this heaven,” (Pg92) she muses of his company. Later Devdas begins to care for Chandramukhi but he cannot love her as he is still in love with Paro. He acknowledges his indecisiveness when he visits Chandramukhi, who has settled down and given up her sinful life, saying, “Perhaps Bou, you will suffer like Paro because of me,”(Pg116), the use of Bou, which means wife, highlights it is Chandramukhi who Devdas provides money and pleasure as a husband would. Devdas is one of the most complex characters of Indian literature, because the choices he makes are detrimental for all involved in the love triangle, as he pines for Paro whom he rejected, and Chandramukhi whom he also grows to like is denied by him because her low status. Devdas’ self-destructive tendencies occur because he feels like a victim of the situations that he has created for himself. Sarat Chandra does not describe characters but puts them in difficult situations to which the reader has to infer into the character, as Devdas has become an identifiable figure in the many movie adaptations or of characters that pine for unfulfilled love. Devdas is a novel to be studied in a literature class because of the strong women that shape his character.

Devdas is an important novel to be included in a Norton Anthology book, because of the social conventions of Indian life affect the narrative. Devdas belongs to zamindari/landlord family and Paro’s family live and work on their land. When Paro’s grandmother broaches the subject of Paro and Devdas’ marriage to his mother, she rejects this notion, “The Chakravaty’s was a trading household. And they lived next door. Oh shame!”(Pg24) the class differences are ironically the aspect, which separates the two lovers as opposed to caste differences as both families are Brahmins. Sarat Chandra uses the differences to aid in separating the lovers, as Devdas is unable to face opposition from his parents and rejects Paro.
Class differences also tear apart the burgeoning relationship between Chandramukhi and Devdas, as she is a fallen woman who Devdas cannot possibly break social norms to live with. Chandramukhi nurses Devdas back to health, when she spots him during a drinking binge; once Devdas is healed, she asks to be his nurse, but he will not allow his name to be disrespected as Chandramukhi realizes, “She could help Devdas regain his health, she could give him pleasure, but she could never give him respectability,” (Pg116). The novel set in colonialist India, makes no mention of British rule other than the Devdas who is dressed smartly and smokes a pipe when he returns from Calcutta after his studies.

Sarat Chandra used his novels to highlight social problems of Bengali life, and in “Devdas,” he makes light of the issue of dowry. Paro, who is of age to be married at 13, and born into a poorer household, her father, rejects the social practise, “But Nilkantha-babu abhorred this practise. He had no intention of selling Parvati and making money on the transaction,” (Pg23) Sarat Chandra here reveals that daughters should not be sold as if making a business deal for marriage. Devdas is one of the only novels where Sarat Chandra does not make an explicit social point to educate his readers, as he leaves the novel as an open text where readers may form their own opinions on the predicament of the eponymous hero.

Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s “Devdas” would be a suitable addition to a literature book like the Norton Anthology, because he created the classic self-destructive hero for Indian cinema and, the original source would be a good companion to the films. Devdas is a thoughtful novel that allows readers to make their own judgement of the hero, and gain insights into Bengali culture during the 1900’s.

Let me know your thoughts about Devdas and his annoyingness!

Wake Up Sid - How I fell in Love with Ranbir Kapoor and this Film!

Yes thats Ranbir floating in my head lol!

(Warning this review contains: SQUEALS, SQUEAKS, YAAY'S)

I have been quite lazy and busy with homework these days and have put off my reviews instead making funny lists and mini reviews. But I'm back with a fully fledged review of gushing and fawning over this film which i really like! I missed out on the opportunity to see this film at the local cinema which was silly of me, because who doesn't wanna watch Ranbir onscreen, I swore my allegiance to the Ranbir-brigade by going out to see his first blue film Saawariya and torturing my mum through that!

But I digress as usual, so we meet Sid(Ranbir Kapoor) a rich and lazy boy at college spending his days in fun with his two friends Rishi(Namit Das) and Laxmi(Shikha Talsania). But being a lazy guy he doesn't study for tests, barely attends classes, and is a directionless guy unlike his somewhat focused friends. What I loved about this film, is how identifiable the situations are, who hasn't been stumped during a final exam, and partying with friends. At the leaving ball he meets Aisha(Konkona Sensharma)

I want a nicely decorated place like Aisha's!
Aisha is a new arrival to the city of Mumbai - which they all refer to Bombay, which explains the quick apology at the beginning, I can imagine Kjo grovelling at Bal Thakeray's feet for an apology! She's new to the city, and Sid helps her out finding a place, while he avoids work at his dad's(Anupam Kher - great performace) shower company. Another gush moment, I really liked how Sid and his dad's relationship was explored and how distant they were unless his dad had to pay for Sid's partying! It was completely moving and touching, Anupam surprised me with a really heartfelt role! But Sid being the wastrel he is, ditches work to help paint at Aisha's new pad which allows for the song "Life Is Crazy" which is one of those montages you've seen a million times but it was cute and i ended going "YAAY PAINTING!" like an absolute nutter! Yaay Painting with Ranbir!

Then Sid fails his exams, and instead of understanding it was his own fault he blames his friends and his hapless Maa(Supriya Pathak - so sweet!) insulting her, and receiving the wrath from his dad! This scene was very well done, and Ranbir can really be quite intense in his shouting matches lol! He packs his bags and heads over to Aisha's pad, where he flourishes under her care and shock! horroR! He wakes up! Sorry i had to be a useless reviewer and use the title of the film to reiterate my point LOL!

The second half is the great part of the film where we see Sid finally accepting his responsibilities and slowly falling in love with Aisha his waker-upper! The wonderful part of the post-intermission stuff is that Sid blooms under the help of all the women in his life, like making an egg from the neighbour Kashmira Shah, and getting help in his career from Aisha at the magazine she works at! Where i might say the hot boss is again played by Rahul Khanna, bechaara he is always playing the hot boss who gets ditched but alas we get to look at him naa?! What i was trying to say is that its a refreshing message to see Sid not needing a male role model to look upto because he's got Aisha who helped with his waking up(I'm sorry, brain is squeal mode and chai with lots of sugar mode!!) and Aisha equally falls for Sid slowly and thats what i liked love was gradual instead of a Meet-Cute and then a mishap here and there and we're all in love! One of the cutest scenes in the film
The gradual love is signalled with one of my favorite songs of the year, Iktara which i sing all day long! A couple of reunions and piecing together of relationships, Sid is a new responsible thoughtful guy with a job as an photography intern!

SQUEAL SQUEAK YAAAY = I really liked this film, it definitely goes in the Heartfelt Masala state in the Masala Pradesh. Perhaps I loved it so much because it spoke to me, as the situations in the film of being a lazy lafunga is basically my life story! That you actually have to seek your own destiny and jobs, that its not gonna land in your lap like the Masala films i watch too much! The fact that we saw a character growing up from boy to man and like the hilarious headline in some New York mag "Woman teaches Man-Child to grow up!"

And its supremely refreshing to see a man apologizing to the women in his life, and doing chores and taking ownership for his life instead of being a lazy lafunga! And the lafunga in question is the prince of dil right now, RANBIRR!!! He was wonderful here, capturing the arrogance of the spoilt boy to the man realising what life is all about, it was a very good performance and cuttteee! Konkona is excellent in anything and whenever she's in a mainstream movie she just gives it some class!

The performances were all wonderful and it was a great effort from the debut director Ayan Mukherjee who gave it nice touch of realism. Sure some situations like the end hug was a bit silly but i alas got the soundbyte for the ages with Ranbir's utterance of "III LOWWVE UUU AAIISHAA!" and maybe it seemed to quick for Sid to land a photo in the next issue, as a somewhat-journalist I can say that does and doesn't happen at mags. But that's just nitpicking, I loved it and it was one of the most satisfying films I saw this year. Most importantly films all over are supposed to evoke a reaction and emotion and perhaps speak to you, and thats what this film did for me. I'm still a bit of a Lazy Lafungi but I really enjoyed this film with its post-modern film techniques of the montages and the real situations!

Must say the music to this film is wonderful and I really liked the music interludes of the "Just the Two of Us" or the song when he's taking his pictures, thankfully i can live a happy life because I found them on the net, they really should have added them to the soundtrack!

All in all Wake Up Sid was one of my definite favourites of this year, a refereshingly real film of Waking up! (I had to!)

Now I need to nosh on some breakfast too!

Masala Pradesh's Filmi Animals Pound

The masala pradesh has a booming business of taking in filmi bachhas, but now I turn my attentions to the animals that populate Bollywood. I just had my Canadian film class last night and the film the teacher showed was a Masala Doggie movie, where the black lab could easily rival Brownie Moti in terms of crying and Olivier-esque acting, which made me think of the animals that need to be taken in at the Masala Pradesh Zoo. If you need to adopt more animals then go over to Todd's Brilliant Animalympics, with many animals that I haven't seen before but obviously I need to! I don't think I'll put these animals in cages as you never know when Amitabh might beckon Sheroo with a "Allah Rakha!" or a Jackie Shroff needing avenging by Moti. So here are some the animals that reside at the Filmi Animals pound!Tuffy - Hum Aapke Hai Kaun

The most egregious doggie that resides at the pound, Tuffy was the popular and annoying dog in HAHK that was a wonder dog that reunited the warring lovers, barked the house down when accidents happened and generally was a helpful little thing. There's also something spiritual about Tuffy as he's able to receive messages from Krishna as seen in HAHK,

We interviewed Tuffy about his spirituality and he said, "Yes somehow as a wonder dog I was able to talk to Lord Krishna, he gave me the powers to save the day" What a wonder dog indeed

Badal -Mard
Yes that's Badal the horse carrying his master Mard in the swimming pool! What can I say about Badal that hasn't been said before, he's just a romantic at heart. Badal is a loving horse that when his master looks the other way, he trots off to flirt with the statue of General Curzon's horse.

We asked Badal about his love, "Well, what can I say, she had kaali kaali aankhen, and kaali kaali gaal, after that I was smitten with Ms.Curzon"
Badal loves to help out like other valiant animals of this pound, he frequently neighs to alert people of danger, and he has a rivalry with Moti the dog as the doggie had upstaged him in many scenes. Badal has never recovered from this showmanship and often spouts stories of the times Moti told him to restrain his antics on screen!

Moti - Mard

We now come to the most thespian of filmi animals Moti, when the Pradesh adopted Moti he asked us this one request: to find his long lost brother Brownie Moti who starred in the seminal doggie vigilante masala Teri Meherbaniyan. We checked on imdb and located his badhe bhai! Moti unlike his brother is a funster in his films, like a comic sidekick Moti was able to evoke laughter on the set all the time, especially in his raucous peeing on Bob Christo scene.

Moti told us about this, "Mr Christo was apprehensive about me, he felt I might steal the scene, which I did, but after a few takes of that scene we got on like a house on fire, we are still friends to this day!"

Moti ever the courageous type of dog, agreed to many deadly stunts in the movie such as the sinking sand, Moti told us many times that Amitabh always needed rescuing and had a resentment for Moti who was always able to do Akshay Kumar-style stunts. Moti and his brother are great friends after so many years of separation.

Sheroo the Wonder Bird - Dharam Veer

Yes I have personally sponsored this great bird in the Pradesh so that he can continue his fighting and baby-carrying skills! Sheroo like Moti had a long lost brother Allah Rakha, who was snatched from the nest by the dastardly Manmohan Desai, separating the two loving brothers. Sheroo was one of the best birds to ever grace the Bollywood screen along with his brother.

Sheroo showed great prowess into performing such stunts in the film, most importantly the baby carrying scene, he told us this, "Mr Desai was worried for me, and employed my cousin Veeru for the scene, he was injured several times. So I stepped in, and did the scene in one take, the baby grew up to my godson!"
Sheroo remained great friends with Pran who pratically played his sidekick in the film, and Sheroo was a scene-stealer in many parts of the film where Dharam couldn't do justice to the material. Sheroo lives happily at the pound continually practicising his swooping and acting skills, he will soon be doing his stunt comeback film in the future!

Allah Rakha - Coolie

(Wonderful picture sent by my Filmi Secret Santa!) Like his older brother, Allah Rakha has a passion for daredevilry and stunts. AR was always mistaken for his brother whom he was separated from, so Manmohan Desai employed him. So he took this role in Coolie in the hopes that badha bhai might recognize him from the palatial nest Manmohan gifted him after DharamVeer. AR was the cleverer of the brothers as he insisted on doing a stunt that showed off his doctor skills by scratching out the infected eye of a villain. AR shared some cold vibes with star Amitabh who was upset that AR got a hair-raising stunt opposite a helicopter!

AR was also there that fateful day when AB got his intestines kicked in, he recounts, "Yes I was there that shocking day, I was unable to move the desk that he got rammed into as I just had beak surgery from the exacting stunt with the helicopter, it was a terrible day, whatever animosity I felt for him was gone, and flew to his hospital window everyday"

AR is living in peace at the pound, he gets visits from his loyal friends and a special visit every year from star Amitabh!

Brownie Moti - Teri Meherbaniyan
After reading Todd's hilarious review of this film, I went down to my local aunty dvdwallah to find it, she gave me a shocked look, but I knew that a vigilante dog film was all i needed in life! Brownie Moti was the long lost older brother of Moti, we fulfilled Moti request to look for his brother and found him. From this film alone, Brownie Moti is an actor par excellence, he went above the script and made it sublime. Hell hath no fury of a dog scorned, sure he was run over as a filmi puppy but he sure loved his master Jackie Shroff! Brownie Moti was on par with the emoting of SRK, the anger of Amitabh, and the sublimeness of Olivier.
The private Brownie Moti sat with me and recounted, "This was a difficult film to make, as it took me to a place as an actor I never knew I had. The material was wonderful, a canine actor's dream role. I connected with the audience and I'm sure they loved it, its one of my personal favorite films as its a typical masala vigilante storry, but I was able to rise above it and pull out my personal best"
Brownie Moti, though not as popular as his brother Moti, is attempting a comeback on the lines of a Mera Naam Moti magnum opus of his life!

I hope you enjoyed this post as it featured some of the brightest filmi animal stars and all my personal faves! My madness continues soon with a Bollywood version of Paradise Lost with Pran as the Shaitaan, do let me know if I've missed out any of your fave animals!