May 3, 2010

Khanna-o-Rama! Qurbani: The Bromantic Bible of Pyar!

What a bombastic credit!Hot Stuff!
Warning: This review will be full of bromantic innuendo and full of bad taste, lewdness, but I can't help it if I'm a vulgar kid!I woke up late as usual, because being the summer holiday I roll out of bed anytime, but I thought I'd start Khanna Week with a bombastic bang! I discovered Qurbani in the bargain bin at the local dvdwallah's shop for 5 bucks, yes you may point your fingers and shake your head, because it truly is a shitty copy! Full of green specks, hair bits, some scenes go upwards on the screen alas it does justice to HOT PAPA KHANNA! I tend to go for the rugged masculine swaggering type such as Mr Khanna and his best mate Feroz and their king of swagger cousin Shatrugan! The movie is just a treasure trove of slick awesomeness(hate that word but its the right one for this film!).
Amjad and Feroz doing some flying into eachother dishoom dishoom!
Feroz Khan is a pretty excellent director in Apradh, Dharmatma, this, but the rest pales in comparison to something soo epic and bromantic as Qurbani! Feroz is a nice enough director to give Vinod the more sexier and thoughtful role which makes me melt into a puddle of droool~ This was made when Vinod returned from his spiritual quest with Rajneesh, and what a comeback it is!
So we start with a very earnest prologue of Feroz dedicating the whole film to the slain Rajiv Gandhi and his maae Indira, it was all very sweet of Feroz. But back to the storyline which opens with a bad Amrish Puri in a hilarious Afro curly wig who meets the spectacularly ugly dressed Aruna Irani who has the craziest eyes ever:
Well I guess thats how scarring Amrish's wig was!
She shouts that he looted her of course and her brother(Shakti Kapoor) is in prison for defending her honour, but there's more Amrish stole her diamonds which she and her duffer bro spend the whole film planning to get back. Then we are intoduced to the funkadelic meister Rajesh(Feroz Khan) who doesn't like seeing old men pushed around by Amrish, so he does some silly but manly device of wrecking Amrish's mercedes in an underground parkade! What a noble man! Rajesh then hops off to ogle at his girlfriend Sheila(Zeenat Aman) shaking her bum around and genrally dancing like a drunken uncle at her club and her crazy band that randomly strum about on their guitars and also give the audience an eyesore when they flash their thighs: Feroz is fond of flashy lights!The nasty cow that upsets the bromance Feroz just sexing the place up with his sheer ruggedness!
I'm sorry I call her a cow because she just wrecks the masala plotline and lectures on everybody all the time! Sheila soon finds out that Rajesh is a thief and he gets arrested and sent to jail by Inspector Khan(Amjad Khan) a very hilarious and fun role for Amjad to do as well! He really looks like he's having some fun with a non-villainous role!
Amjad lightening the mood throughout!
Sheila is all alone thankfully for 3 and a half years without Rajesh, and now girls the Man enters the scene as Amar, the kindly, studly, sexy father next door! Hailla I went when I was a fangirly 16 year old and still I squeal now, he is just the grandaddy of the smoulder! Amar is also a thief who works for Amrish thiefery company and renounces them when they shoot Macmohan, who gets a 2 minute role, but generally Macmohan only needs two minutes to look like a baddie and establish his presence with that two shaded hair! Anyway I digress, but one day I'll need to study Macmohan and other bit players that play gang members, ANYWAYY! Amar is upset that they killed Mac and Amrish can't afford for people to spill to the police.
AND now commences the innuendo that i spent the whole morning screencapping! Amrish is a nice boss that likes Amar for being "there he is, my star carrier" Perfectly normal Boss-employer relationship naa?
Amar rightly rebuffs this innapropriate kiss, and walks off into the sunset leaving behind his evil ways. But its not too evil really because he has a daughter so I deem Vinod a good man paying his bills anyway he can! Amar picks up his kid Tina, and on the way he runs into some motorcycling ruffians who squirt water him, and he follows them to a cafe where they are harassing Sheila! Amar falls in love with the gorgeous Sheila who doesn't pay attention to Vinod's burn-the-screen-desire, but she has to face it when he sings my favourite song ever "Hum Tumhe Chahte Hain"
How can she not surrender to that?
Or his general Byronic broodiness?
Or this tender ogling at her?
Clearly Sheila is a nutter for not giving into her desires to ruff up this studly man, nope she holds out for silly Rajesh who has made friends with Shakti in prison, who recruits Feroz for stealing back the diamonds! Inspector Khan expects Rajesh to turn up for his probation and to add to some more innuendo and vulgarity i give you this:Nuff said
If you have recovered from that screencap then we'll get back, to the commencement of the Bromance! I think I'll leave y'all with some innuendo and general love between two of the sexiest men in Bollywood
When Vinod Met Feroz!
Uhhff kya andaz hai! Feroz blood boils as he beholds this sight:But Feroz hadn't the courage to meet this dark and handsome stranger! As the Casablanca line goes "This is the start of a very wonderful friendship" How apt is that, and these two are quite a deal more studly than Claude Rains and Humphrey Bogart
The friendship starts with admiration, and Vinod is smitten with his new mate!
However such a love is dangerous, many forces such as Shakti Kapoor try to keep them apart, and he beats HOT PAPA KHANNA! Nahiieee! Feroz comes to the rescue
Feroz realizes his deep unwavering love for his buddy, and embraces the man who completes him!
Their passion grows, Feroz plays a dutiful nurse to his lover, he is careful not to let his keeper Zeenat discover his secret love. They bond over cigarretes
Vinod starts to fear that the cow might suspect, but Feroz assures him otherwiseThe two men rejoice on Eid while also hiding from Zeenat and Inspector Amjad
The two thieves now do their thieving together, another Qurbaan occurs as Feroz decides to repent. The parting is sweet, and they tug at eachothers hair! Inspector Amjad in a plot contrivance tells Feroz that Vinod has framed him! Feroz weeps at this betrayal after all that meaningful hugging! Nahieee
Dejected and hurt, Feroz runs from the handcuffs of the law and hunts for Vinod
Feroz tracks Amar down in London, and reataliates at his former lover!
Zeenat tries to intervene, but the beeyotch don't understand so Feroz hurls her across the room several times as Vinod and he fight out their anger! A handy phone call from friend Joe, clears Vinod's charges and the friends make up in the most spectacular fashion!

And they lived happily ever after for a while!
I hoped you enjoyed my first Khanna-o-Rama post for the week! Here's to bromance and Vinod being the pursuer in this filum! Next up Hera Pheri, the first pairing Vinotabh! Let me know some of your fave bromantic moments in this film. I leave you all with a sexy image of the stud of this week:
Yess I told you this would be dirty, and I know y'all wanna be his nurse too!


Beth Loves Bollywood said...

It is right and proper that Qurbani appears on the first day of Khanna-o-Rama! Feel the pyaaaaaaaaar!

Ness said...

I NEED TO SEE THIS FILM. Your taste is a perfect match for mine :)

Filmi Girl said...

Me, three!! I want to see this, too!!

Khanna-o-rama is already working it's magic!!

Bollyviewer said...

Hehehe Vinod is soooo purrfect for a bromance - I have some scandalous bromance lined up for Khanna-week, too.

"So we start with a very earnest prologue of Feroz dedicating the whole film to the slain Rajiv Gandhi and his maae Indira, it was all very sweet of Feroz." Really?! The film was released in 1980 and both mother and son were very much alive, then. Indira Gandhi was assassinated in Oct 1984 and Rajiv in May 1991.

ajnabi said...

Wow, those screencaps cross the line of bromance, IMO! This looks fascinating. Must see and melt into a puddle of buddy pyaari.

Rum said...

Beth - the pyaaar is the only thing that sustains me through this film! And Qurbani is the right way to start with a bang

Ness - I know! We are long lost innuendo-loving sisters!

Filmi Girl - I thought you'd seen this mindblowing film! Get to your auntydvdwallah pronto!

Bollyviewer - I think i might have been heavily confused with Sanjay Gandhi or I don't remember who it was, but he said 'in your time sorrow and need" I'm all confuddled! Can't wait to see your scandalous escapades of Mr Khanna

Ajnabi - well i did warn everyone that this was my dirty innuendo mind talking! Definitely take a watch!

bollywooddeewana said...

Rum you really her something else..LOL you have some hilarious screen caps the one of the gun in particular, i swear i've watched this film about twice and never have i noticed that scene

Rum said...

Bollywooddeewana - Lol I was in a dirty and ribald mood that morning! My favorite part was when they made up they had Zeenat in the middle ground then she disappeared symbolically as the two men hugged!

mandy said...

This is the funniest review i have ever read!

Rum said...

Mandy - thanks soo much!

neer said...

Hilarious review but you get a few things wrong. It is Sanjay and not Rajiv Gandhi whom Feroz mourns and secondly this is one of the last movies that Vinod did before leaving for the US with Osho. It is not after his come back from the US. With Qurbani breaking box-office records, many people thought that VK will not leave the film industry but VK was VK...he left at his peak.