70's Week! Manoj aur Rum - the affair that started it all!

Emo pain personified: Bharat the face covering hero!

Its 70's week here in the Blogosphere, and I thought I'd shed some light on the man that started my 70's film odyssey: Manoj Kumar. I am the tiny majority that loves things all Bharat, I first happened upon Purab aur Pachhim, when it was my 16th burrday, and my parents gave me a ton of birthday money, and thanks to the lovely aunty dvdwallah I was able to indulge in my 70's paraphernalia. But I was struck by Manoj because he was so cuuute, and had a lovely and sometimes awful puff like Dev Anand did, but more importantly he was earnest in his filmmaking. No man ever came as close to the Bharat - emo man of the country, Manoj made himself into a symbol of a frustrated nation, just like Amitabh's angry man voiced the concerns of the fed up people in the Emergency. So here is why Manoj makes me happy:

Bharat wants you to behave

• · Manoj rocks because he has a brilliant filming techniques which influenced me a lot when I sent off my own school produced Bollywood movie to the local fim fest. His sweeping cuts, and frenetic shots in Upkar were maybe silly but made effective points. The crazy colours of Purab aur Pachhim reflected a mad generation of the upcoming 70's, especially the glut and madness that was the boat song.
The sternest upholder of patriotic values!


• · Manoj rocks, because he is sooooo HAWT in a blobby, serious-man-next door style, he was always a bit blobby but then I love a bit of flab on my men, like my pyar for Shammi, Shammi wouldn't be himself without his jiggles and wobbles, and rolly cuteness. Just like Manoj wouldn't be Manoj without his tight coordinated t-shirts and bell bottoms and signature fluffy pouffy hair
• · Manoj rocks, because he founded the Byronic Nationalist man of India, in Roti Kapada etc, no one could have been so broody in that movie and especially the scene where he sings "Main Na Bhulunga" the sad one, that was one sad man! He even outbroods Amitabh in the film, I thought that wasn't possible but his sadness was overflowing.


• · Manoj is great, because he did only 120ish face covering sadness moves in Upkar when he started out, but right till the end in Clerk he gave a whopping 320 (I'm on Olympic holidays, and I'm bored??) face covering sadness faces moves, it was a delight and I don't know why he needed to pull a hissy fit for Om Shanti Om, i would consider that a lovely compliment!


• · Manoj is an uber nationalist and patriot in every single movie he directed, which was brilliant at the time of the Emergency of Indira Gandhi's reign and the many wars fought with Pakistan, he appealed to the masses as a sort of common man who has all of India's injustices to fight and boy he fights 'em. It would seem that subjects that he chooses are bleak and hopeless. But Manoj lifts the tempo up with a bunch of masala ingredients sadness redemption and happy resolution. Thats why I don't mind that he symbolized India and all the massive obstacles they face.


• · Manoj tends to be fascist leaning, especially in the god-awful sinfully released by him Clerk. In all his movies there was an obvious overflow of patriotism that were in the dialogues and everywhere but with his patriotism highlighted a few times, Manoj usually gets back to the story but in this shit picture it was an abslolute fascist backwass. It was soooooooo right wing that i got so upset watching that I threw it over my balcony. Patriotism is fine, Manoj rocks because he makes mistakes like this abomination!


• · Manoj has excellent dialogue delivery, as I mentioned in my English dialogues post, he has wonderfully cute delivery that is very sparse in pauses, but its that deep soulful voice that made me awwwwwww. Though he sometimes sounds mumbly its just the Manoj way!


• · He makes excellent jodis with Shashi = Manashi? Shatrugan = Shatroj, Amitabh = Manotabh, Prem Chopra = Manoprem, and Dilip Kumar = Manolip?


• · He loves Dilip Kumar like a fanboy likes Star Wars, he got soo giddy when filming his fight scene with Dilip in Kranti that he wouldn't come out of his dressing room as he didn't want to hurt Dilip awwwwwww


• · He always has an excellent supporting cast of Asit Sen as the comical relief, Prem Nath as the religious stereotype that always smokes(chi chi chi!!) Kamini Kaushal as his sabse pyari maa, Madan Puri as lecherous bad guy/nice father/black marketer, Aruna Irani as vamp that is very unfortunate, Prem Chopra as bad brother/rapist/general Bad man!


• · Manoj loves to show sex, his very frenetic and shocking rape scene in Roti etc was a bit of an omigosh but he pushed the boundaries, and showed a proper cut shot of sex with Manmohan with an English girl in Purab, a rape scene in Kranti, and a shameful one in Clerk!


• · Manoj never thinks he gets old as he played a college kid in Clerk in 1980 something which means he was 55 to play that, and he though he could play an 19 year revolutionary in Kranti as mentioned in the lines "I'm a 19 year old man, and I can get these whites out, irrespective of my YOUNG age!"


• · Lastly he rocks, because he can do everything direction, editing,lyrics (horrendous in Clerk) writing, producing and singing! VAAAH VAAH VAAH!

So here is my first outpouring of pyar for a 70's icon, that just made my day when I discovered him! Hope you like it and share some of Bharat/Manoj experiences!

Mr Filmi Right - The Good, The Sweetest, and The Funkadelic

Again its time for the annual belated Valentines Day post, I hate that day! Maybe I'm turning into a bitter old Bette Davis and spewing acid on nice commercialized holidays and the Olympics that are taking place in city! This is another shameless copy of Bollyviewer's wonderful list of Mr Rights, my list is a list of Mr Rights who I just adore no matter if their actions are quite silly or if they're overly romantic, I just love them all the same! There's some terrible cheating as some Mr Rights are persona's of many films, but alas they're cute too! In no order at all as I hate those kinds of lists where you have to choose your favorite as number 1, there's toooooo many to choose from! 1. Naren Singh - 1942 A Love Story
Y'all knew some Anil would be here! I think because I was indoctrinated into Bollywood due to this film, I have moustache pyar! I don't know what it is about facial hair, but I just like it, and Anil was the key perpetrator of this! But silly digression as usual, Naren is one of my favorite filmi Mr Right's because he's passionate in a way Anil could only exude such as climbing on his gal Manisha Koirala's balcony to simply ask if she'll be at their hotspot the library tomorrow! And he's perfect because he's a rich boy and though he's born into privelege he would gladly dump all that as the subtitle above says, because he loves RAJJJO! When i was a kid and perhaps still now I wished my name was Rajjo instead Rumnique, because my name has the typical "OMG RUM, alcohol name thats so cool!" Alas Naren is my ingrained filmi Mr Right because of his sheer sweetness and passionate self!2. Aditya Kashyap - Jab We Met

I loved Shahid in this film, behind the glasses we forgot his dancey happy persona and fully embraced this depressed guy, who was livened up by Geet! I loved how his character had a growth period that we actually saw, unlike a quick montage and he's all better kinda thing. When he realizes his gradual love for Geet and goes to find her, I was so with him, and when he tried liven up Geet it really seemed like such a sweet gesture. And that snog at the end, felt so unforced and cute 3. Vanraj - Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam

How could I forget the nicest hero ever! Vanraj was a completely selfless guy who had the unfortunance(my silly word) to marry Aishwariya in this film, he agrees to reunite his biwi with her silly lover Salman and doesn't make it too obvious that he minds that he'll be going home without his love! Ajay was at his sweetest in this role, I just really loved the simple scene where he gets on the bus without his wife, and when he comes back he acts like nothing happened, I don't know what it is about that scene but it just sums up the overall love! I loved this epic sweeping movie just for Vanraj, he was miles better than the annoying Salman, who was in his 90's phase of dropping his shirt every 2 seconds, it just got tiresome after a while. And i was relieved to see that Ajay acted with subtleties and that he was all covered up! What a sweet selfless Mr Filmi Right!

4. Dr Nice Guy - Bandini
I couldn't remember Dharam's name in this lovely movie. I think a perfect Mr Filmi Right has to be progressive and he does just that in Bandini. He's smitten with Kalyani(Nutan) who helps him out with a contagious patient at their prison hospital. Despite Kalyani's hesitation to love him, he sees through her self-punishment and allows her to live again. He even tells his maa about his love for a prisoner and she unlike a usual filmi maa doesn't scream a NAHIEEE. Dharam is an absolute sweetheart here, as he gets Kalyani to slowly come out of her shell, and this another lovely progressive role like the nice guy in Anupama.

5. Sam - An Evening In Paris

As you all know I love the Kapoor whichever one it is, but there's a real soft spot in my filmi dil for a persistent charmer like Shammi Kapoor! I first happened upon Shammi when i was around 10 watching Junglee on Zeetv in London. At first I was like, why is he hassling her all the time, UGGHHH enough with Yahoo! But I moved on and appreciated what a change in hero-ness Shammi was, you never really saw a filmi man charm his gal by following her and dancing funkily in a park for her, they were either wooing with words or nice songs in fields. Shammi in An Evening in Paris is just wonderful, who wouldn't love a man nuzzling you near the Eiffel Tower or hanging from a bloody helicopter for you! Talk about outlandish and charming love, I'm a sucker for Shammi's wooing in foreign places!
6. Sid - Wake Up Sid

I know this seems like a crazy choice, but Sid is totally a filmi Mr Right! He's just adorable and he's another Mr Right who's growth pattern gets shown in a film, and thats what endears me to him. He cooks an egg for you, he learns to clean up after you shout at him, he changes your perception of him, the list goes on. Sure he's the irresponsible type in the beginning but you can really see why Koko would fall for his nice charm, plus there's no fuss about age with him. He doesn't flinch or go Nahiee when he falls for Aisha, he relys on her, he supports her, I'm sorry this another one of those "Rum fawns over Wake Up Sid" for the hundreth millionth time ever! But i guess the reason why I love Sid as a Mr Right is because he is the most relatable and realistic portrayal of a guy that we've all got or met in our lives.

(Couldn't resist a shot of Shatru and a plant LOL!)
7. Swaggering Bad Shotgun - Blackmail

Blackmail is a loved classic in the blogosphere, and rightly so because the general Dil SQUEEE it gives anyone with the sheer romance and lovely scenes. But I'm a gal who loves a bad boy and there are many delicious men who deserve their own Bad Man lists but I'll definitely do that another day, but the baddest Mr Filmi Right is Shatrugan in Blackmail. He is soo badass in this film, manipulating his best bud Dharam to get the magic solar power. I love that Shotgun is a man with an environmental cause, he needs to screw over his friend for money as well as saving the earth (as if, I wish he were that noble) but he's just badass with his general funkadelic shirts and that booming voice that often reminds me of Richard Burton's growly voice. Shatru was not a nice character here, but you could tell in some spots that he felt something Raakhee but the cause of solar power pulled him away. Swaggered his way into my dil!

8. The Raj/Rahul persona - Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge/Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Obviously being brought on the Yash Raj pyar which brought on my BollyHollymusicalitis I just haven't found a Mr Filmi Right who matches up to the gargantuan standards that the Raj/Rahul persona has created in the Yash Raj infested mind of mine! But thankfully my BollyHollymusicalitis has lessened and I'm thankfully not a Mahi from Bachna Ae Haseeno to look for a Raj/Rahul in anyone! A long ramble later, SRK embodies an ideal type of man who is both funny and sombre, I cant forget the time I watched DDLJ in Stanley Park in a shoddy tent with a real butt ache from sitting on grass, but hell I watched it for Raj/Rahul! Raj in DDLJ is the epitome of love in a NRI generation, he'll realize he's in love with Simran and vow "Simran mein aa raha hoon/Simran I'm coming" which would set anyone's dil going SQUISH! Raj is the nice type who'd want your demon eyes dad's approval rather than run off with you, because ya know he's just the traditional hindustani at heart! Onto the Rahul persona that is such a MR Right, he raises a terribley annoying daughter, he'd even go half the way across the country to rescue his kid from a cold, (My maa snorted at that part, 'what kinda father is he? A bloody cold?!') and end up falling in love again! Rahul is funny and sweet to his friend Anjali, and funny and charming to Rani too. He's just lovely and he'd make an ideal Mr Right!

9. Raju - Aawara/Shree 420

With the ammount of Tweeting about my Raj Kapoor essay, there had to be a spot for Raju. I may be the minority of people who adore Raj Kapoor, no matter what an asshole he may have been in real life, I just respect his films so much and the Raju persona ! But to Raju, in Aawara he may have been a real junglee acting out his class frustration by turning to crime, but he's my Mr Filmi Right, because he is given a chance to be good by his gal Rita, and when he's in love, he's just soo passionate! That famous slap and junglee scene in the film is just raw and hot, never had anger and fiery love been so shocking and so sexy, especially the erotic song that entails after. Raju is a junglee that wants a chance to love and belong, and lashes out at society at his misplaced identity. There's nothing hotter than an emo bad man. In Shree 420, Raju is the cutest Mr Filmi Right, because RK just lays on his infinite charm, channeling his idol Chaplin but not too the point of being annoying, he woos Nargis in the most cute and comedic fashion. But of course he's my Mr Filmi Right, because he gave Bollywood its own Gene Kelly rain song in Pyar Hua Ikrar Hua! Sure Raju was led astray by the bad Nadira, but this hero redeems himself by being noble and cute at the end.

10. Bharat emo man of the country - Purab Aur Pachhim

I reviewed Purab Aur Pachhim in the beginning of my blogging life, it was one of the formative films of my teenagedom when I discovered the beauty of old Bollywood films, and the much needed masala added to my diet as a filmgoer. There was something about Manoj Kumar that was just Mr Right material. You say "well of course he's Bharat" but beyond being a preachy hero in his directed films, Bharat was never too preachy in PAP as he began to in later films. Bharat goes to London and gets a huuuge culture shock but he gets used it, and his staunchly Indian views were a reminder of a land that Saira Banu's family left behind. Bharat is a good guy who educates his gal and her brother in the Indian way, but he doesn't force it down their throats as they make up their own minds on their cultural identity. Bharat is a Mr Right because he's cute and educational without being annoying!

There's the list, some are crazy choices but I love these filmi men and there's something perfect in them that makes them a Mr Right for me. I definitely need to do a lovable rebels and Bad man list in the future, because there are so many perfect Mr Wrongs! Who are some of your Mr Filmi Rights or even your Filmi Mr Wrongs?

Filmi-ish Essay - Devdas a useless lafunga or heartbroken lover?

Bechaara Devdas, the self destructive anti-hero

I know I have been a really annoying twitter person whenever I have an essay due, but its because of my laziness that i put everything off to the last minute! I hope the teacher likes this because I like it and I hope you enjoy it too. This essay is more about the novel Devdas than the movies but it goes in depth and wonders why Devdas is a inactive lazy bum! Sorry i have to say I love how i used the word ISHHH in the title after that silly sound Aishwariya makes in the rubbish 2002 version of the film! Hope you like it!


Devdas: A Byronic Bollywood Hero

“Devdas” by Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay is one of the classics of Indian literature, subject to many film adaptations in Indian cinema, including a recent psychedelic version of the story. Devdas deserves to be placed in the Norton Anthology alongside other great writers, due to its tragic eponymous hero and the insights into Bengali life.

Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay was one of the leading literary deities of Bengal, he published several books earlier Nishkriti, Charitraheen, Parineeta, and Srikanta, but his most famous novel is Devdas. Sarat Chandra was born on September 15th, 1876 in Devanandapur, a village in West Bengal. He spent his childhood in poverty and was constantly shifting from town to town in Bengal, and received little formal education. In his adulthood, he moved to Burma in 1903, and it was here that Sarat Chandra started sending his novels and short stories to Calcutta journals. The reigning author during this time was Rabindranath Tagore, who had a rumoured rivalry with Sarat Chandra, whose novels were much more understandable and realistic for the reading masses of Bengal. It would be fitting to include Sarat Chandra to the canon of literature due to his indelible mark on Indian literature with his unforgettable character Devdas.

His crowning achievement Devdas was written in 1901, and later published after some revisions in 1917, which included the more tragic ending to the novel. The novel tells the tragic love story of Devdas and Paro, childhood sweethearts torn apart when Devdas leaves for school in Calcutta, and when he returns Paro proposes they get married. Devdas, unable to stand up to his parents, rejects her, and Paro is married off to a wealthy widower. Devdas, heartbroken after another rejection from Paro, returns to Calcutta and along with his friend Chunilal he seeks solace in alcohol and a courtesan Chandramukhi who falls for him. Devdas continues on his self-destructive path until on his deathbed, when he travels to Paro’s home only to die alone at her doorstep.

This tragic tale has stayed in the minds of readers because of its seminal hero that can immediately be identified in the subsequent films and novels featuring a self-destructive hero. Devdas is not a typical romantic hero, because he is unable to proclaim his love for Paro despite loving her dearly. In one scene in the novel, Paro boldly goes to Devdas in the night to propose their marriage, but Devdas is preoccupied with protecting her honour rather than facing up to the real reason she came to him, and answers with:

“You must know that my parents are dead against this?
Parvati nodded – she knew.
She didn’t say a word more. After what seemed like an eternity, Devdas heaved a sigh
and said, “So then, why?” (Pg36)

This exchange highlights Devdas’ anti-hero like status, as he is unable to accept his love and rejects Paro, because of parental opposition. Even through earlier passages in the novel, we can tell Devdas loves Paro, but he cannot upset societal norms of marrying from another caste. After this scene, Devdas is chastised by his parents and he escapes to Calcutta, where he writes a letter of rejection to Paro claiming, “Another thing: I had never felt that I loved you tremendously – even today. I cannot feel any deep well of sorrow in my heart for you … Try to forget me, I pray that you succeed,” (Pg39). This rash action by Devdas reveals his indecisive nature as soon as he posts the letter he realizes he is actually in love with Paro. He then feels guilty for sending the letter, and muses, “How would this arrow he had dispatched go and hit her?”(Pg40), he later realizes his folly of upholding the narrow-minded views of the caste system, which an educated man like Devdas can see is wrong.

Devdas is a tragic character worth studying in literature because he is so inactive and indecisive in his love story, which sets forth his downward spiral. The reason he is indecisive is that the love of Paro and Chandramukhi is what drives the narrative, the situations when they confront Devdas is what develops him as a character. Devdas turns to drink when Paro rejects his proposal that they elope before her wedding, in anger he strikes her brow, “For shame Paro, I have merely left a mark for you to remember our last meeting,”(Pg46), this moment solidifies their relationship as the blood resembles the sindoor in the hair parting of a married Hindu woman. With this rejection, Devdas is dejected and he willingly goes to the courtesan harem and drinks his sorrows away. Devdas begins to hate women and spurns Chandramukhi, who finds him charming; “There isn’t a woman on earth who wouldn’t deny herself this heaven,” (Pg92) she muses of his company. Later Devdas begins to care for Chandramukhi but he cannot love her as he is still in love with Paro. He acknowledges his indecisiveness when he visits Chandramukhi, who has settled down and given up her sinful life, saying, “Perhaps Bou, you will suffer like Paro because of me,”(Pg116), the use of Bou, which means wife, highlights it is Chandramukhi who Devdas provides money and pleasure as a husband would. Devdas is one of the most complex characters of Indian literature, because the choices he makes are detrimental for all involved in the love triangle, as he pines for Paro whom he rejected, and Chandramukhi whom he also grows to like is denied by him because her low status. Devdas’ self-destructive tendencies occur because he feels like a victim of the situations that he has created for himself. Sarat Chandra does not describe characters but puts them in difficult situations to which the reader has to infer into the character, as Devdas has become an identifiable figure in the many movie adaptations or of characters that pine for unfulfilled love. Devdas is a novel to be studied in a literature class because of the strong women that shape his character.

Devdas is an important novel to be included in a Norton Anthology book, because of the social conventions of Indian life affect the narrative. Devdas belongs to zamindari/landlord family and Paro’s family live and work on their land. When Paro’s grandmother broaches the subject of Paro and Devdas’ marriage to his mother, she rejects this notion, “The Chakravaty’s was a trading household. And they lived next door. Oh shame!”(Pg24) the class differences are ironically the aspect, which separates the two lovers as opposed to caste differences as both families are Brahmins. Sarat Chandra uses the differences to aid in separating the lovers, as Devdas is unable to face opposition from his parents and rejects Paro.
Class differences also tear apart the burgeoning relationship between Chandramukhi and Devdas, as she is a fallen woman who Devdas cannot possibly break social norms to live with. Chandramukhi nurses Devdas back to health, when she spots him during a drinking binge; once Devdas is healed, she asks to be his nurse, but he will not allow his name to be disrespected as Chandramukhi realizes, “She could help Devdas regain his health, she could give him pleasure, but she could never give him respectability,” (Pg116). The novel set in colonialist India, makes no mention of British rule other than the Devdas who is dressed smartly and smokes a pipe when he returns from Calcutta after his studies.

Sarat Chandra used his novels to highlight social problems of Bengali life, and in “Devdas,” he makes light of the issue of dowry. Paro, who is of age to be married at 13, and born into a poorer household, her father, rejects the social practise, “But Nilkantha-babu abhorred this practise. He had no intention of selling Parvati and making money on the transaction,” (Pg23) Sarat Chandra here reveals that daughters should not be sold as if making a business deal for marriage. Devdas is one of the only novels where Sarat Chandra does not make an explicit social point to educate his readers, as he leaves the novel as an open text where readers may form their own opinions on the predicament of the eponymous hero.

Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s “Devdas” would be a suitable addition to a literature book like the Norton Anthology, because he created the classic self-destructive hero for Indian cinema and, the original source would be a good companion to the films. Devdas is a thoughtful novel that allows readers to make their own judgement of the hero, and gain insights into Bengali culture during the 1900’s.

Let me know your thoughts about Devdas and his annoyingness!

Wake Up Sid - How I fell in Love with Ranbir Kapoor and this Film!

Yes thats Ranbir floating in my head lol!

(Warning this review contains: SQUEALS, SQUEAKS, YAAY'S)

I have been quite lazy and busy with homework these days and have put off my reviews instead making funny lists and mini reviews. But I'm back with a fully fledged review of gushing and fawning over this film which i really like! I missed out on the opportunity to see this film at the local cinema which was silly of me, because who doesn't wanna watch Ranbir onscreen, I swore my allegiance to the Ranbir-brigade by going out to see his first blue film Saawariya and torturing my mum through that!

But I digress as usual, so we meet Sid(Ranbir Kapoor) a rich and lazy boy at college spending his days in fun with his two friends Rishi(Namit Das) and Laxmi(Shikha Talsania). But being a lazy guy he doesn't study for tests, barely attends classes, and is a directionless guy unlike his somewhat focused friends. What I loved about this film, is how identifiable the situations are, who hasn't been stumped during a final exam, and partying with friends. At the leaving ball he meets Aisha(Konkona Sensharma)

I want a nicely decorated place like Aisha's!
Aisha is a new arrival to the city of Mumbai - which they all refer to Bombay, which explains the quick apology at the beginning, I can imagine Kjo grovelling at Bal Thakeray's feet for an apology! She's new to the city, and Sid helps her out finding a place, while he avoids work at his dad's(Anupam Kher - great performace) shower company. Another gush moment, I really liked how Sid and his dad's relationship was explored and how distant they were unless his dad had to pay for Sid's partying! It was completely moving and touching, Anupam surprised me with a really heartfelt role! But Sid being the wastrel he is, ditches work to help paint at Aisha's new pad which allows for the song "Life Is Crazy" which is one of those montages you've seen a million times but it was cute and i ended going "YAAY PAINTING!" like an absolute nutter! Yaay Painting with Ranbir!

Then Sid fails his exams, and instead of understanding it was his own fault he blames his friends and his hapless Maa(Supriya Pathak - so sweet!) insulting her, and receiving the wrath from his dad! This scene was very well done, and Ranbir can really be quite intense in his shouting matches lol! He packs his bags and heads over to Aisha's pad, where he flourishes under her care and shock! horroR! He wakes up! Sorry i had to be a useless reviewer and use the title of the film to reiterate my point LOL!

The second half is the great part of the film where we see Sid finally accepting his responsibilities and slowly falling in love with Aisha his waker-upper! The wonderful part of the post-intermission stuff is that Sid blooms under the help of all the women in his life, like making an egg from the neighbour Kashmira Shah, and getting help in his career from Aisha at the magazine she works at! Where i might say the hot boss is again played by Rahul Khanna, bechaara he is always playing the hot boss who gets ditched but alas we get to look at him naa?! What i was trying to say is that its a refreshing message to see Sid not needing a male role model to look upto because he's got Aisha who helped with his waking up(I'm sorry, brain is squeal mode and chai with lots of sugar mode!!) and Aisha equally falls for Sid slowly and thats what i liked love was gradual instead of a Meet-Cute and then a mishap here and there and we're all in love! One of the cutest scenes in the film
The gradual love is signalled with one of my favorite songs of the year, Iktara which i sing all day long! A couple of reunions and piecing together of relationships, Sid is a new responsible thoughtful guy with a job as an photography intern!

SQUEAL SQUEAK YAAAY = I really liked this film, it definitely goes in the Heartfelt Masala state in the Masala Pradesh. Perhaps I loved it so much because it spoke to me, as the situations in the film of being a lazy lafunga is basically my life story! That you actually have to seek your own destiny and jobs, that its not gonna land in your lap like the Masala films i watch too much! The fact that we saw a character growing up from boy to man and like the hilarious headline in some New York mag "Woman teaches Man-Child to grow up!"

And its supremely refreshing to see a man apologizing to the women in his life, and doing chores and taking ownership for his life instead of being a lazy lafunga! And the lafunga in question is the prince of dil right now, RANBIRR!!! He was wonderful here, capturing the arrogance of the spoilt boy to the man realising what life is all about, it was a very good performance and cuttteee! Konkona is excellent in anything and whenever she's in a mainstream movie she just gives it some class!

The performances were all wonderful and it was a great effort from the debut director Ayan Mukherjee who gave it nice touch of realism. Sure some situations like the end hug was a bit silly but i alas got the soundbyte for the ages with Ranbir's utterance of "III LOWWVE UUU AAIISHAA!" and maybe it seemed to quick for Sid to land a photo in the next issue, as a somewhat-journalist I can say that does and doesn't happen at mags. But that's just nitpicking, I loved it and it was one of the most satisfying films I saw this year. Most importantly films all over are supposed to evoke a reaction and emotion and perhaps speak to you, and thats what this film did for me. I'm still a bit of a Lazy Lafungi but I really enjoyed this film with its post-modern film techniques of the montages and the real situations!

Must say the music to this film is wonderful and I really liked the music interludes of the "Just the Two of Us" or the song when he's taking his pictures, thankfully i can live a happy life because I found them on the net, they really should have added them to the soundtrack!

All in all Wake Up Sid was one of my definite favourites of this year, a refereshingly real film of Waking up! (I had to!)

Now I need to nosh on some breakfast too!

Masala Pradesh's Filmi Animals Pound

The masala pradesh has a booming business of taking in filmi bachhas, but now I turn my attentions to the animals that populate Bollywood. I just had my Canadian film class last night and the film the teacher showed was a Masala Doggie movie, where the black lab could easily rival Brownie Moti in terms of crying and Olivier-esque acting, which made me think of the animals that need to be taken in at the Masala Pradesh Zoo. If you need to adopt more animals then go over to Todd's Brilliant Animalympics, with many animals that I haven't seen before but obviously I need to! I don't think I'll put these animals in cages as you never know when Amitabh might beckon Sheroo with a "Allah Rakha!" or a Jackie Shroff needing avenging by Moti. So here are some the animals that reside at the Filmi Animals pound!Tuffy - Hum Aapke Hai Kaun

The most egregious doggie that resides at the pound, Tuffy was the popular and annoying dog in HAHK that was a wonder dog that reunited the warring lovers, barked the house down when accidents happened and generally was a helpful little thing. There's also something spiritual about Tuffy as he's able to receive messages from Krishna as seen in HAHK,

We interviewed Tuffy about his spirituality and he said, "Yes somehow as a wonder dog I was able to talk to Lord Krishna, he gave me the powers to save the day" What a wonder dog indeed

Badal -Mard
Yes that's Badal the horse carrying his master Mard in the swimming pool! What can I say about Badal that hasn't been said before, he's just a romantic at heart. Badal is a loving horse that when his master looks the other way, he trots off to flirt with the statue of General Curzon's horse.

We asked Badal about his love, "Well, what can I say, she had kaali kaali aankhen, and kaali kaali gaal, after that I was smitten with Ms.Curzon"
Badal loves to help out like other valiant animals of this pound, he frequently neighs to alert people of danger, and he has a rivalry with Moti the dog as the doggie had upstaged him in many scenes. Badal has never recovered from this showmanship and often spouts stories of the times Moti told him to restrain his antics on screen!

Moti - Mard

We now come to the most thespian of filmi animals Moti, when the Pradesh adopted Moti he asked us this one request: to find his long lost brother Brownie Moti who starred in the seminal doggie vigilante masala Teri Meherbaniyan. We checked on imdb and located his badhe bhai! Moti unlike his brother is a funster in his films, like a comic sidekick Moti was able to evoke laughter on the set all the time, especially in his raucous peeing on Bob Christo scene.

Moti told us about this, "Mr Christo was apprehensive about me, he felt I might steal the scene, which I did, but after a few takes of that scene we got on like a house on fire, we are still friends to this day!"

Moti ever the courageous type of dog, agreed to many deadly stunts in the movie such as the sinking sand, Moti told us many times that Amitabh always needed rescuing and had a resentment for Moti who was always able to do Akshay Kumar-style stunts. Moti and his brother are great friends after so many years of separation.

Sheroo the Wonder Bird - Dharam Veer

Yes I have personally sponsored this great bird in the Pradesh so that he can continue his fighting and baby-carrying skills! Sheroo like Moti had a long lost brother Allah Rakha, who was snatched from the nest by the dastardly Manmohan Desai, separating the two loving brothers. Sheroo was one of the best birds to ever grace the Bollywood screen along with his brother.

Sheroo showed great prowess into performing such stunts in the film, most importantly the baby carrying scene, he told us this, "Mr Desai was worried for me, and employed my cousin Veeru for the scene, he was injured several times. So I stepped in, and did the scene in one take, the baby grew up to my godson!"
Sheroo remained great friends with Pran who pratically played his sidekick in the film, and Sheroo was a scene-stealer in many parts of the film where Dharam couldn't do justice to the material. Sheroo lives happily at the pound continually practicising his swooping and acting skills, he will soon be doing his stunt comeback film in the future!

Allah Rakha - Coolie

(Wonderful picture sent by my Filmi Secret Santa!) Like his older brother, Allah Rakha has a passion for daredevilry and stunts. AR was always mistaken for his brother whom he was separated from, so Manmohan Desai employed him. So he took this role in Coolie in the hopes that badha bhai might recognize him from the palatial nest Manmohan gifted him after DharamVeer. AR was the cleverer of the brothers as he insisted on doing a stunt that showed off his doctor skills by scratching out the infected eye of a villain. AR shared some cold vibes with star Amitabh who was upset that AR got a hair-raising stunt opposite a helicopter!

AR was also there that fateful day when AB got his intestines kicked in, he recounts, "Yes I was there that shocking day, I was unable to move the desk that he got rammed into as I just had beak surgery from the exacting stunt with the helicopter, it was a terrible day, whatever animosity I felt for him was gone, and flew to his hospital window everyday"

AR is living in peace at the pound, he gets visits from his loyal friends and a special visit every year from star Amitabh!

Brownie Moti - Teri Meherbaniyan
After reading Todd's hilarious review of this film, I went down to my local aunty dvdwallah to find it, she gave me a shocked look, but I knew that a vigilante dog film was all i needed in life! Brownie Moti was the long lost older brother of Moti, we fulfilled Moti request to look for his brother and found him. From this film alone, Brownie Moti is an actor par excellence, he went above the script and made it sublime. Hell hath no fury of a dog scorned, sure he was run over as a filmi puppy but he sure loved his master Jackie Shroff! Brownie Moti was on par with the emoting of SRK, the anger of Amitabh, and the sublimeness of Olivier.
The private Brownie Moti sat with me and recounted, "This was a difficult film to make, as it took me to a place as an actor I never knew I had. The material was wonderful, a canine actor's dream role. I connected with the audience and I'm sure they loved it, its one of my personal favorite films as its a typical masala vigilante storry, but I was able to rise above it and pull out my personal best"
Brownie Moti, though not as popular as his brother Moti, is attempting a comeback on the lines of a Mera Naam Moti magnum opus of his life!

I hope you enjoyed this post as it featured some of the brightest filmi animal stars and all my personal faves! My madness continues soon with a Bollywood version of Paradise Lost with Pran as the Shaitaan, do let me know if I've missed out any of your fave animals!

The Filmi Nationalism Years: Masala Poetry

I thought to myself today, when i was tidying up my exercise books from high school, and found a pattern. Masala or filminess was in my veins, and in my writing, I couldn't help but say to my friends, "Ya know isn't Vijay the Vigilante such a confusing anti-hero?" or "OMG i love Saira Banu's print dresses in this film!"
My friends got used to these blurted out utterings as it was part of my BollyHollymusicalitis. Many stays over at my house, they all were converted to Bollywoodism, in my grade 12 year I attempted to make a short film that naturally was all Bollywood, I wrote the silly script which was soo convoluted and abound in cliches. This film was a fluke as I got lazy, actors were unavailable, but mostly I got lazy.
But my filmi nationalism continued to come out in my Creative Writing class which I got my first consecutive A for each of the three terms! Alas filmi nationalism didnt extend to science and maths which I was terrible at! To put all this rambling to a stop, here is some of the filmi poems that I wrote back then! They are horrendously cheeesy and not that great, but i couldn't not post my silly years!

The Burning Train
Funky music, the buuurrrrning traainn, coos Asha
On this Super Express to somewhere
3 heroes, destinies intertwined on this blazing train
One clad in a Travolta suit, following the heiress
Gold jewels and gem of a girl, he wants
A handsome rogue, clap goes his energetic hands
Drumming on his knees and between the aisles,
What a handsome rogue is he
Here he comes, cigarrette dangling, ooff go the women on the train
Who is he? A macho man, lovesick by his unfaithful wife
Passengers he charms, children he saves, and women swoon for him
Admonishing the villain, youuuu son of a baastarrdd
Speaking in english, he commands the audience with laughter
Dharam gets garam, running through fire to save all
The train is blazing and burning, only an intelligent hero can help
Bellbottom clad, with swagger in walk and knowlegable talk
Vinod, explain what to do, save your son on the fuming train
Three heroes unite in silver suits warring against fire
Useless servants that left gas on, the cause of this catastrophe
Silver suits kick away at the villain
Falling to his death on the traintracks
Hugs, and chest hugs returned as the Super Xpress burns away
Women swoon in thanks, men gruffly congratulate
Thank you our sexy silver suited saviours!

(OMG I actually wrote this rotten piece, I had a far more eloquent other poem on The Burning Train but couldn't find it today! I will find it if it kills me, this poem is awfully bad, but hilariously terrible too. I just recited the whole storyline!)

Pantoum
Dark hair glistening and blowing in the wind
Her arms outspread in the field
Golden ghungroos stamping at the earth,
She spins like a delicate cotton wheel (crossed out was cow bell, how ddlj!)

Her arms outspread in the field
A name she whispers to the air

She spins like a delicate cotton wheel

Bring me my Saawariya

A name she whispers to the air

Each moment of effort makes her pant

Bring me my Saawariya

Her dance is felt across his town of blue

Each moment of effort makes her pant

The feet marching to her heartbeat

Her dance is felt across his town of blue

Even in his cold heart, saregama warms his heart (LOLOL Saregama!)

The feet marching to her heartbeat

Dark hair glistening and blowing in the wind

Even felt in his cold heart, saregama warms his heart

Golden anklets stamping at the earth

(This pantoum is where you repeat lines in different stanzas, its pretty cheesy I wrote it quickly in spare block before this, and maybe it helped that I'd seen Saawariya the previous night as part of my birthday along with Om Shanti Om! Its a role reversal here, that nasty Sonam is asking for Ranbir's love in that blue town!)

Things That Won't Happen Today

A huge cloud comes over the school and it hails

A miraculous announcement of a snow day

Gene Kelly dancing around lamposts with me

English teacher gives his fellow Englishwoman an A

Shahrukh Khan bursting into this class, and carrying me away

The boy I like to jump to his knees, singing a disco qawalli of his love

That my friends would be silenced with a "Door Hojao mere nazron se" (Lol i guess i watched Shaan that night!)

A hangover will evaporate from my head

That someone athletic like Hritik will complete my Pe hours for me

The school will present a Bollywood tribute to me at graduation

My camera will come in the post

Like Gulzar, I'll master films and all poetry

Ranbir Kapoor will come to school in his bathrobe and I'm in one too!

That I get asked to prom (I did and he sucked)

Ranbir does a happy dance when i say I love you forever, unlike Sonam!

(I quite like this one, again this November 07, and I'd just seen Saawariya and was besotted by Ranbir Kapoor, and disgruntled at the ending of the film, but more importantly and more teenagerly I squealed when we saw his BUM, as did the ton of aunties in front and my mum gave me a withering look!)

A Sonnet: Dirty!

The rain dripping, clothes dropping to the floor

Bodies sway together in the moonlight

Hands moving up a sinewy surface with no fight

A roaming finger sends current to every pore

One body hides from the other in the dark,

An arm catching a time for a caress

Lips on lovers' cheek, leaving sparks

A feeling the mind needs to posess

The mouth calling for a name

Unspoken words, silenced by pleasures

The faceoff begins, circling eachother, let's start the game

A voice on the neck, something to treasure

A halki saas, say it softly, say it
Words form, 3 magical words, just admit it

(When i read this again, I went Hai Ram, Chi Chi, like Lalita Pawar would as a villainess, its pretty okay, it was inspired by the hilariously quick sex scene in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. It was shocking to me as it was "OMG SRK, SEX, EEEEEEEE" moment for me! How teenagerly and hormonal I was back then, not say i don't have the same reaction when i see Dard-E-Disco where its "OMG, SRK, WATER, ABS, EEEEEE!" Love my teacher who gave me 4/5 despite the terrible rhyming scheme!

7 Ways to Spot Devdas
The sea is his drink
Cleaning his dhoti, sipping the poison from the bottle
Chanting the last rites of his soul
Proclaiming the only name, he knew

The courtesan performing her mujra
Ghungroos stamping, arms flailing
Blood dripping, alcohol sipping
Death approaching him by the gutter

Creeping into the dark night
Laying her life at his feet
He turns away, ashamed
And into Kolkatta he runs

In a place of filth, a prince lies
Escaping his soul mate
A love so true can’t be found again
He is my Dev-da

Her breaths are his
Her heart is his
Her pride is his
Her devotion to her diya
His death is hers

Where is she?
Where is Paro?
Where can I find her?
Will she love me?
Can I say sorry to her?
Of course
All in this bottle

Three breaths left in him
Among the filth he lives
Lying on this marble floor
Two breaths left in him
Ohh why wait till now for the truth?
An arm baring his identity
His heart bears only one name
One breath left
Paro...

(I think this is one of my favorites or even best, I don't know its one of the poems on the same subject and I guess I must have watched the new Devdas and the old one to write this. It was a companion piece to my Saratchandra project where I wore a silly dhoti and acted like a drunk Sarat!)

Coconuts
Am I a coconut?

In the middle of the fence is a coconut
Too much, rock music and grungy looks
Too little Lata, Asha, Usha playing
Sooo many boys leaving my room
Sooo few Indian ones?
Small sneakouts to curfew breaking parties
Small meetings with good Southall girls
Less Saira Banu eyeliner or mini skirts
Less kurtas and lenghas are worn
Always with a gang of goras
Always ignoring your own kind

Which side will it fall, the mud or the sugar
More gym going, diet watching
More ladoos and gulab jamuns to be eaten
Ample breasts to be stared at
Ample time to buy turtlenecks
Few good reports from school
Few C-‘s and D’s on the destiny deciding paper
Big cars, Bhangra blaring, bass jumping
Big beemers, crackly Sunrise radio
Fat arms, bigger than your average
Fat chance of fitting in this sari blouse
Wads of cash from the job at Boots
Wads of cash could come from Auntyji’s newsagent

The coconut still on the fence, where to go?
Lots of mobiles, texting the mates, sending saucy pictures
Lots of Auntyji’s checking the dowry rates
Legions of boys asking for snogs in the parks
Legions of men viewing wife material
Tons of concerts, dancing among the vibrations
Tons of drunken uncles singing with no hesitation
Many drunken nights of haze and fun
Many days till you can have Shivas Regal
Gobs full with sweets and paan on birthdays
Gobs shoved with cake, hand fed from everyone in the room

Not in the mud, the sugar won’t recognize it
Mass numbers of people gathered at the bar
Mass numbers in year 12 Calculus
Many a body piercing and tattoo adorned in secret places
Many a look of shame from Auntyji’s in the street
Excess assimilation into the Western world
Excess traditions of the Eastern world
A lot of happiness in arty jobs
A lot of smug cousins in science, look with disdain
Hordes of whistling and whooping boys
Hordes of uncleji’s giving winks and pinches

Not in the sugar, the mud would shun it
Heaps of time to travel the world
Heaps of time in uni to be a lawyer doctor newsagent!
Loads of club hopping, bhangra gig going
Loads of intelligent books to be read
Only Bollywood films being researched
Only one facet of your Indianess
Coconuts under palm trees, on an Ibiza beach
Coconuts smashed to mark arrivals at doors
Coconuts at every doorstepCoconuts sitting on walls, forever in mud and in sugar

(I love this one, it was published in an anthology as well as a terrible piece on travelling in India, which is just godawful that I can't post it! But a coconut is what i felt I was during my "who am i?" phase of introspection! Lol it didnt last too long but I love this poem as it combines all my influences of London and India and not fitting in either culture~But like Chaplin said "I'm an internationalist!"

Classic Poem: Villanelle
Define skinny, define big, define plus size
Dirty looks, snide whispers, cruel laughter
Your perception is every girl’s demise

Magazines shoved in my face, that is you
I am normal, just bigger than the average
Define skinny, define big, define plus size

Why am I scorned and given that look
Because I am big, chunky, buxom, fat?
Your perception is every girl’s demise

Flabby arms, big breasts, wide hips, jiggly thighs
Must I be a size zero to look sexy, fit in any clothes?
Define skinny, define big, define plus size

Sizes don’t matter, it’s the feeling of sexy, the feeling of beautiful
A look of amazement and shock from boys and spectators
Your perception is every girl’s demise

I am sexy and beautiful revelling in my bigness
Words are just words; fat is just a word not my label
Your perception is every girl’s demise
Define skinny, define big, and define plus size

(Lol I don't wanna hammer it in everybody's head what I feel about the size zero fad, but trust me this was written before my ire grew for the new phase in Bollywood. This was written when I watched soo many old films where the heroines were bigger and bountiful and BEAUTIFUL, and it made me feel a bit happier about myself. I love it and its my uplifting poem!)

Hope you liked these cheezy and filmi nationalist poems I wrote in youth! Keep voting for your favorite Satan, it looks like a certain shaitaan in Pran will be the Satan of the Paradise lost Production here at the Masala Pradesh!

Jai Filmi Secret Santa-ji Jai!

I love this Filmi-Secret Santa in the Bolly blogosphere, as I'm a lazy girl I thought I'd post all my presents from my Secret Santa all in one go, and may i say whoever you are "I Luuve Youuuu" (this shouted in a hilarious Ranbir Kapoor way, like the end of Wake Up Sid)

My Secret Santa-Ji seems to know my tastes very well as my excellent first gift was:
AWWW SHEROOO, My Santa-ji also wrote out a lovely ditty of "Santa Sheroo" as sung to "Santa Baby":
Santa Sheroo
You save babies and, that's not all
You are oh so brave, and come at a call
Santa Sheroo, help the filmi fans tonight
Santa Sheroo
Could you fly some prezzies up Vancouver way?
Shiny costumes that swing and sway
Santa Sheroo, help the filmi fans tonight
Think of all the swag yet to send
Think of the films that never end
This year we'll try to do it right
So next year we can try again
Santa Sheroo
These bloggers aren't as troublesome as some
you see.
The filmi bloggers just dig you and Bolly
So, deliver love to filmi fans tonight!

On the second day my gift was this hilarious nugget:

With the little cap saying:

Masala villains arrive in Vancouver, prepared for nefarious doings. They are charmed by the decorations at the botanical gardens. Their hearts are warmed. Evil doing will have to wait another day.

My third gift was nicely tied in to my ANil pyar:

"Anil celebrates the lack of evil doing with the citizenry of Vancouver" Santa-ji~

My fourth gift was a fun cap of Bhaiyaji from that arguable classic Tashan:My fifth gift was an excellent cap of Dharam-Veer:

"Newly found footage proves Beth right about only the TARDIS could be responsible for the wackiness of Dharam Veer" Lol santa-ji how lovely that screencap is!

And my other gifts I'm having some trouble uploading some of them, hope you all enjoy these wonderful masala gifts! And don't forget to vote on who Satan should be in the Masala Pradesh Production of Paradise Lost, in the poll to the side!