September 14, 2008

Masala Pradesh has been created!

The king of Masala Movies

I thought to myself yesterday, that as an avid watcher of Masala movies, that I should establish a Masala Pradesh, divided into 5 little states that I thought of when watching Suhaag and Mr.India yesterday. What is masala truly?
Masala = a movie with fun,frolic, fluff lost siblings, rape-and hero rescue, usual comedian friend(Mukri, Deven Sharma, etc) brothers on opposite sides of the law, hero acts comic, bromance with friends, an illegitimate child, dishoom dishoom, rain song, dirty old man zoom ups, romance(no kisses) heavy handed symbolism, bang on the head messages and much more!!
  • Genuine Masala - I think an all round entertainer where I didn't spot goof ups in set designs or overacting from the actors. A movie where you laugh at the silly jokes, and you get happy when a Vijay character kicks the everything out of villain, and when you don't mind the message filled situational songs that occur out of nowhere. A movie that fits here on my list is Amar Akbar Anthony, Sholay Purab aur Pacchim and Suhaag
  • Message-laden Masala = I love this type, because the director thought he made an earnest social masala movie, instead he made a bang on the head lesson type movie. In these types of movies religious temples are always places to have confessions and screaming matches with the gods, two friends are always separated by humungo(humungous) differences in girls, class, and love for eachother. A leader of the Message Pradesh is Manmohan Desai, every film after AAA had a Christian/Muslim/Hindu reference, including the John Jaani Janardhan song from Naseeb. Movies on this list are Upkar(massive symbol of partition) Roti Kapada Makaan(humungo message on money), and Imaan Dharam
  • Unintentional Funny Masala - this is the best genre here, I love this type because it is so low budget and so hilarious that the actors would even star in it. These films include costume dramas that don't know which period they are set in, so they jumble every era imaginable in the plot, the same location used in the directors many movies, and very dubious fight scenes, and an extra dollop of red paint as blood! Amitabh and Shashi starred in many of these films such as Shaan, Namak Halaal, Do aur Do Paanch, but other movies that fall into this fantastic genre are Dharam-Veer, Hera Pheri.
  • Backwass Masala - this is the worst genre of the Masala Pradesh, most of the ones I have seen are from the 80's, and many starring the aging superstars. The ones I watched were mainly Amitabh starrers where he began to get a pot belly, and wore tooo much leather. These movies were so godawful that I felt sad that Amitabh and others were past their prime holding onto the masala movies that made them so famous those many years ago. These movies include: Pran acting as really old best friend/baddie, over the top idiotic humour, period confused movies, the emergence of much younger heroines as the lover ==> Dharamendra and Amrita Singh! NAhhhiii. Some movies on the backwass list are Geraftaar, Shalimar, Coolie, MARD!
  • Funkadelic Masala = many of the 70's and 60's movies end up here, the music is just rollicking and cool, the background music always done by Kalyanji and Anandji, the heroines have very funky beehives, beautiful eyeliner, and have the fashion-making zip-up Saree's and tight suits, and the men as cool as Dev, buoyant as Shammi, sensitive as Rajender, cute as Rajesh and rugged as Feroz! The films back then are so cool and trendy and funky. Movies on the list: Teesri Manzil, Gumnaam, Dharmatma, any movie with Teddy Lions and his Cubs!

11 comments:

Beth said...

Fabulous post! I've often threatened to move to Bollywood, and now I have a more detailed map!

In the meantime, may I ask to be appointed the Undersecretary of Education and Culture in the state of either Backwass or Funkadelic?

Rum said...

beth - you may come undersecretary of ed and culture, in the great state of funkadelic!

Beth said...

There's just one thing to say about that: Shashilicious! :)

ajnabi said...

Is there a scholarship fund, or can I take advantage of public education provided by the pradesh? ;-)

Rum said...

there is such a school called the rum public school of masala that's open for u!

Crazy on Bollywood said...

Nice masalas.

bollyviewer said...

And how does one go about acquiring a citizenship (or at least a permanent residence permit) of this yummmy pradesh? I really want to live in one of those huge houses with red carpet, and sweeping staircases and shout nahiiiiin as I run down the stairs.

Rum said...

crazy - thanks!

bollyviewer - on obtaining citizenship in the masala pradesh, all citizens must have at least watched an anil kapoor or manoj kumar movie, as they are the big brothers of the pradesh, of course the house of yours sounds excellent. don't forget stairs that slip on so your laawaris son or daughter can give you blood~

Keith said...

Aww man, I loved Shalimar...

Rum said...

keith - shalimar classifies in weird masala state, it neither hollywood or bollywood, its more like rubbish, but i can't beat rex harrison and the enter the dragon guy in it!

sanjay saini said...

Rum...All Indian from Uttar Pradesh(U.P), a north indian state should be automatic citizen of these pradesh as they fulfill your citizen requirement.

Sanjay