Roti Kapada aur Rum

Masala Pradesh Returns: Attack of the Moustaches!

2011-11-10T12:52:00.016-08:00

Mouche+Shatru bombast = SWAGGER

First of all, let me say a resounding SOOOORRRRRYYYY! For being so behind on blogging and even twittering less and less these days! Life as we all know, smashes all of my favourite vices like blogging, tweeting like a teenager, watching movies all away come Uni time! And it really does make me sad, but fret not I shall always complain and grumble about the small town i live in and the lack of Indian films being shown here. If i didn't then mera naam Rumnique nahi!
Alas along with November being my birthday month, the male species have decided to make it so much more worthwile by adding some fuzz to their lips, and generally looking like dapper young men. Along with Ness and Dolce and Namak's mouche post, I had to jump on the bandwagon being the sheep that I am. Now that i enter the non-stationary age of 21, I thought my post had to tie in with my usual birthday post to talk about the formative moustache men of my life!
1. Anil Kapoor - Now you would think I've had enough gushing over my favourite man, but I haven't every year I thank the king of moustaches in my life: Anil! Take a bow sir, and slap for ruining my life as well, expecting all my gentleman callers to have such pompadour hair and glorious mouche like that on them! Over the years, like the ridiculous fan girl I am, I noticed that Anil had many different styles of mush like this:

A more manlier thicker one!

But I like the spontaneity he gives with his earlier films, from the pencil thin ones from Woh Saat Din to the iconic mush of Parinda and all of his later films. Like a fine wine, Anil's mush though now a very tame rectangular beard in his Hollywood films, just gets better and better to look at when i pop a dvd in from the 80's or Noughties, there are things to swoon over! So here's to the moustachioed man of my dil!

2. Jackie Shroff - my sister's old fave moustachioed man! Now here is where a mouche worked wonders for a man, that mouche made him look so mysterious and sexy! Again it all stems back to that wicked and evil first movie 1942:A Love Story where both Anil AND Jackie appeared in to begin the hysteria! Now before he got a bit blobby and appearing in a long line of mediocre movies, Jackie was my second fave moustache man and I used to go through almost all of his film on Zee Tv in London! And that mouche just worked with his image of the dark and brooding hero who loved to dishoom someone, growl out his lines, and occasionally frolic about in his infamous Speedo in Rangeela!

3. Raj Kapoor - again this might be a repetitive list of all the men I love who just happen to have moustaches but I shall argue that a moustache maketh the man! In the case of this RK, he was a very beautiful man and that mush gave him that edge that made me go swoony like I do with an Errol Flynn or Robert Taylor. He just had that look that would not be out of place in an old Hollywood film. In the case of Raj it certainly did as he just looked odd without it as in Aag where he looked almost pubescent! And I think when I saw Awara or Shree 420, that Raju the tramp look was helped by his look and the mush which was so distinct and pencil thin without being the usual stuck on line across your lip-look which heroes these days try and pull off! And I may need to add a whole new chapter to my long RK essay about his mush for another time!

The king of rakish mouches!

4. Shatrugan Sinha - Now a list without Shatru would be injustice in the Masala Pradesh! He just exudes rakishness and bad behavior, and I think the mush adds to that! When I saw the fabulous Blackmail and my first Shatru film, he just blew me away with his laconic and stylish attitude! He played the bad guy so well, and you could tell he meant business with those hilariously scandalous pictures he had with Rakhee! Now his moustache is all thin but he still has something dangerous about him even as an oldie!

5. Vikram - Ughh I'm already dying of mouche pyar attack! I don't what it is about Vikram, actually it's the mush of course, that gives me a fainting attack?! I saw him all those years ago in the original Sethu/Tere Naam and I had the usual preconceptions about South Indian films that the actors were all plain but moustachioed (it had some potential there!) and it was all OTT, but now looking back that is totally what I love about these films! And Vikram was just amazing in that movie and again the mush helps! He has that Jackie Shroff mysterious and dangerous look to him that just sets off any lady's swoon-o-meter!

6. Ajay Devgn - It is quite amusing to search for Ajay on search engines with the original surname Devgan bringing up his clean-shaven past, and the Devgn with his accepted and much better moustachioed look! Maybe its also the hair, the Devgan lad had the floppy Hugh grant silly look in his previous films, and with the mouche and tidied up hair he looks dapper and swoony again! In Singham with that mouche that was almost approaching his predecessor Surya's length, he managed to pull it off with style. And I have to say, that I can't stand him without a mouche, or if he has to be a grassless lawn then there must be some stubble or something there!

The Hall of Moustache Shame and InBetweeners

Sorry Surya, veering into the porn star mush!

7. Surya - I have really tried to like Surya with a mouche but he just can't get it right! Just look at the above one, what the hell is going on with the bass note looking curl there?! He nails the stubble look and the full beard look with aplomb but he is such an Inbetweener! He cannot find a mouche to appease the Masala Pradesh standards! But Surya is a seriously cute actor and his smile is unbelievably adorable so the judgement is that Surya with a stubble to almost clean shaven is a go, but try and hone in that mush one of these days!

8. Shahid Kapoor - Yeh kya bakwaas hai? was the immediate reaction to this nonsense fluff on his upper lip! I really do get what he was going for, trying to look older and a bit more distinguished, but this look is banished from the Moustache Land! Hell even a stubble makes him a look a lot better like in Kaminey, but bleeurgh!

The International Hall of Fame

9. Omar Sharif - It was my friend's mistake for taking me to see Lawrence of Arabia for the first time on the big screen. However gorgeous and cinematic Omar's little speck entry was, I coined it as 'The Entry of the most gorgeous moustache ever put to screen!" I managed to gasp egregiously loud and embarrassed my friend forever! But he is just exceedingly beautiful and to add to my shameful list I did gasp in another swoon attack when I saw him much later in 'Monsieur Ibrahim' he just aged so nicely but has maintained that mush that captured my heart when i was 17!

Yes, I needed a beefcake picture like that

10. Mouche deigned from heave+ tiny chuddi shorts = DUH.... (drools like Homer)

So there you have my top 10, and I am so glad to be back to blogging after so long, and I hope to be reviewing a lot more now that assignments and essays are almost done and due soon! ALSO honourable mentions to Abhishek who is hereby barred from going clean shaven, and Orlando Bloom who almost made me go and see Three Musketeers for his Anil Kapoor channeling! What are some of your faves?

Shameful Pleasures Quick Bite: The Unabashed High School Crush Edition

2011-07-07T14:06:00.010-07:00

A Shameful Icon: Mr Magnum Pi or Tom Selleck

Well you may be wondering why the total heartthrob Tom Selleck is the first Shameful Crush, well it's a long story my yaaron! I first moved to the all encompassing North American continent in 2002, and we'd only just bought a TV and my sister and I couldn't find any other kids channel except the super Baby channel and lots of reruns that interested us. So Magnum Pi became our babysitter! I would run home school at 3 to meet and swoon over the new pyar of my life! The shame bit comes in a bit later, as besotted as I was a 13 yr old I found a People Mag of Sexiest Man Alive editions in our lobby and instead of hanging up Johnny Depp or George Clooney, I cut out Tom Selleck and many of his TV friends.

I'm sorry this man was a total stud in his heyday!

Tom was very special to me and his elevated status made him worthy of putting up in my high school locker! My friends had already witnessed the budding vintage lover burgeoning in me and thought nothing of it when I waxed lyrical about the short length of his shorts in each episode. Unfortunately one time, the ubiquitous bunch of cool kid saw my decorated shrine of locked and ribbed to death about having really old ugly men in my locker. I suddenly felt so ashamed of James Garner - Mr Rockford, Tom, Desi Arnaz -Mr Lucy and of course Amitabh circa his hotness age in the 70s! So after so much ribbing I took them down and put the latest craze at the time Aaron Carter (WT absolute F was I thinking??) and Spaghetti hair Justin Timberlake, but still it did not make me happy to greet them every time i got a text book! But if I restored the natural order of Arnaz, Bachchan, and Selleck to the locker I would just die in my outcast state!

I had a big pink heart circling his head in this one!

But good sense prevailed and my friends added their own shameful icons of gorgeous anime characters and surprisingly Mr Rogers!

I know this should have been a proper revelation of Love Love Love with Aamir and Juhi but I had to share the origins of all this shame! As it's the devil in all of us to love the scandalous and duds that no one likes, because that sets us apart and it gives a well deserved superiority complex with 'What hell didn't they see in Pyar Karke Dekho! Such a mature and bold film!" and cheers to that!

Shameful Classic: Mumbai Se Aaya Mera Dost - The Attack of the Killer TV!

2011-07-05T20:04:00.005-07:00

This is Tony, the evil killer idiot box!

I simply had to start Shameful Classics off with a resounding Kabooom with one of the most special duds and classics of Abhishek Bachchan's illustrious career!

Mumbai Se Aaaya Mera Dost (2003) is that wunderkind of a movie that captured my 13 year old dil! I was already a fan of Abhishek since he began, but even I could recognize the dreck he started off with, so seeing the promos to this film got me so excited see it! It's also intertwined with my life, I moved to Vancouver in 2002 and this was my first summer being back to my desh ki dharti and the promos made it look so intense and a gamechanger role for Abhishek. It wasn't out at that time, but seeing the bombardment of promos got to my young mind! I was determined to see this against Tere Naam which released on the same day. Two very diverse roles for both Salman and Abhishek and naturally we know who won in the end and had legions of idiotic boys copying that dreadful Hugh Grant mixed with gangster floppy shag! But once I came back to horrid(come on i was a angry teenager!) Vancouver I vowed to search for the best available print to continue my support of Abhishek over all other heroes. And by chance the best Aunty dvdwallah had both films in a 2 in 1 disc. Needless to say Tere Naam was watched several years later!

So a nostalgic tale later, this just had to be on this list because it is so shameful to like this nonsense film but I adore it! Shameful is as the dictionary says disgraceful or scandalous scandalous behavior and it fits perfectly with this film as I can't help but feel ashamed to champion something that loses steam so quickly and has the stupidest plot line revolving a TV. But it works as a Shameful Classic because for me its reminder of a gullible 13 yr old being taken in by the hype machine and being 20 and still loving it! However being me, and my wicked sense of humour, modesty be damned there, I need to champion the best character of the film: TONY THE TV!

But first let's get to the egregious filler: The film suffers from such a Lagaan hangover featuring the same baritone voice of Bachchan Sr at the beginning, many of the same cast members, a rural setting. The promos heightened this element to the max with an intense Abhishek brooding all the way through and glaring. His entry is suitably smouldering:

Ohh who's kohl rimmed eyes are those?

The film features so many spectacular entrance scenes for each major character which still impresses me and the 13 yr old inside, the other villain than Tony the TV is Thakur (Yashpal Sharma) who emerges in all his unibrow and hairy glory from the river, with foreboding chanting screeching in the back. So just in case you didn't know he was EEEVIL:

This was a very entertaining entry for a 13 yr me!

There's also the ridiculously well-dressed and gorgeous village belle Kesi (Lara Dutta) whose designer black chuni flows off her face to reveal her to our lovelorn hero. I have to admit the makeup and designer did such a good job in the envy department, just look at her jewels:

Diamond necklace, sparkly earrings, and fabulous eye makeup: the modern gaon ki chori!

The Tale of Troublesome Tony the Dictator TV

But getting to best stuff is the brilliant entrance of Tony the TV and his equally deadly friend Sally the Satellite cable! Like I said, this film is redonkulous, a complete case of super editing in the trailers betraying my angry teenagerly heart. Kanji the newly returned boy from the city brought these two to his gullible village:

All hail the modern invention of the SATELLITE!

Upon Tony's entry, he sends the villagers into a quandry about what he might be: are he and evil Sally a giant water umbrella or a boat? The film is actually quite hilarious in these moments of culture shock, I can shamefully say with a lot of hints of pride that I haven't laughed like that since the actual classic of my youth Deewana Mastana! Before you say, Besharam at my comparison ! Here's why there is so much win in this movie, Tony the evil TV introduces the villagers to many other shameful movies like a lot of CHICHI:

Chichi in his actual chuddis has been unleashed on the innocent folk!

There are two comic relief characters that Tony has it in for! Tony introduces the local barber to a very naff Feroz Khan-the-cowboy movie who has a hilarious dream about being a Rajasthani gunslinger with his Clint pose and cigarrello:

I love the irreverence of this film, gunslinger getup with the trusty donkey!

One other comic relief man is introduced to the equally awful and shameful masterpiece Jaani Dushman, not the fab old one, but the new one! Tony entrances him into performing his life in slow motion steps. He even causes a very Sergio Leone filmed face off between the two men, which veers into the batshit and hilarious. I really cannot emphasize how bad it is that I was hooting with laughter as the film increasingly became revolved around the TV! That's not the best/worst of it in a very meta moment I found that Tony the TV reached his terrorizing hilt when he spied Abhishek enjoying the subliminal messages of the Chichi films and Sandy Danza cooking shows, he decided to inflict such pain upon him with showing a kiss or otherwise known as 'The Founding Father of Sexy Snogs' with Karishma and Aamir in Raja Hindustani:

Tony the TV at the height of his ruthless reign!

Just look at the defeated and crestfallen Abhi :(

In a cavalcade of contrivances all orchestrated by the crap screenwriter or by the secret machinations of Tony and Sally, a war of epic proportions breaks out!

TV - The Devil's recruiter!

Hai Hai! Tony can also usurp power like a proper 80s villain might!

Yes a war that all stems from the TV, as the local evil pundit stirs a war of sizes between Tony and the Thakur's TV the more modest Mini! Tony will not have his reputation tarnished and his brainwashing works on all the villagers as they take up arms against Thakur and Mini! This also calls for a dramatic/howlarious and tough song of battle:

A very hilarious song shot like 'Chale Chalo' in Lagaan!

Like Cleopatra, villains need to moisturize before battle properly!

To add to the spectacle an actual TV crew from Star News are drawn to this upcoming jung by Sally the Satelite's newsworthy and deadly rays! They capture the entire climax of the film on their own cameras with the cameramen jumping around as people are getting stabbed. The journalist gal even proclaims 'We can even send this to Fox News, to America!' which is the most apt audience for such a fabricated war!

And just at the height of the action of the Tony orchestrated war when Kanji is about to kill the Thakur, the lords of the Shameful Universe let this icon step in and keep the peace:

Yes... it's Chunky Pandey

It is one of the most satisfyingly stupid and brilliant moves pulled by this utterly nuts and fabulous film that I will recommend to everyone. I mean just looking back at my journals of coming to Vancouver, i detailed the movies I wanted to see over here but couldn't. There was a fierce desire to like this film because of the promos and my unwavering support of the other Lambhu of the industry! If you've heard about that latest film about a killer rubber tire then I'd ask you to approach this movie the same way! Tony the TV is the main villain and anti-hero to which the film unexpectedly finds a centre for all the characters to act as foils around him! Acting as a Masala Hitchcock, I hope you never look at your demonic TV the same way after this film!

Shameful Classics/Pleasures Week Part 2:

2011-07-03T18:45:00.005-07:00

Our Lord Shameful himself, Himesh!

Let's take a few moments to thank Mr.Nasal or the newly crowned His Royal Shamefulness for making a certain flawed classic called Radio. It was this film with its lovely soundtrack that randomly shuffled onto Bunty the Ipod one night on the bus, which spawned this fabulous week! We had a brilliant run last summer with all of us reveling in a collective love for the inane and rarely admitted. Ness loves the gloriousness of Bobby Deol, Beth unleashed Pyar Karke Dekho into the already recovering citizens of Chichi week, Katherine revealed an undying pyar for all things Deol which spawned another great week and many more divulging of all things you felt were too shameful to admit you utterly adored. For me it has to be some of those very crappy films Amitabh did in the 80's like Desh Premee or even Lal Baadshah which I was dragged to as a 9 year old for my family to collectively wince and cringe and like in a shameful way! I was thinking we should star on the July 5th till the 12th or if anyone has any objections to make a whole month of sighing and finally repeating that you own Teri Meherbaniyan (Brownie Moti's star vehicle) and watched it every weekend for a month! So let me know via here or Twitter or whatever technological thing of the day if you can participate and let loose all those skeletons!

Can you resist a week full of nonsense faces like that?

Kapoor Khazana! Raj Kapoor Thank You!

2011-06-01T16:17:00.010-07:00

UHFFFF! This gaze is too smoldering!

Yes I've been away for sooo long, but I'm back with a bang and how! I utterly adore this new star month for any Kapoor or the Kapoor Khandaan this month. I have already written a few pieces on the film family that fascinates me the most, first outlining the men with moustaches

and championing Randhir. But my heart completely belongs to the original RK - Raj. I discovered Raj again in my teens, but I'd seen the key films whenever i visited my Communist grandfather who loved Raj Kapoor's early movies because of their good clean Socialist messages. But this month is gonna be a proper appreciation of all the RK's and other Kapoor's at an age where I'm only a tad bit less pretentious about my praise! But as usual in the 'Star and Rum' series that I've done for Sridevipalooza, Manoj Kumar, and others I have to outline why Raj is the only Kapoor for me! Raj was the catalyst to my career path and I have to explain my utter gratitude

Simply put: I worship Raj Kapoor as a director. When I finally found my direction with film studies, I knew my angle was Indian cinema and making people love the greats Guru Dutt, Bimal Roy and RK just as much as I did. The teacher in my film class assigned essay topics, naturally i chose the one devoted to a director who had made an impact on world cinema, and I chose RK. I was all prepared to write my master thesis 10,000 years to early when i initially attempted to cover Guru, Mehboob, and Raj in one essay. But I had narrow it down, and Guru was a very maverick and experimental as well as melancholic director, Mehboob was brilliant, economical, and grand, but Raj made me smile and really enjoy every single film as simply a movie, whereas the others I was bombarded by gorgeous images and socialistic leanings respectively. But these days I know that a movie is the complete package a good and powerful leaning/message, gorgeous cinematography, capable actors, and lots more and RK movies just ensnared me!

This essay was the biggest essay of my life, because it was a true test of whether I wanted to follow in film studies, could I really muse about RK and Chaplin for almost 3000 words without becoming a fangirl and overdoing my love? Well partly yes, I got a B+ on it and a special comment from the teacher who had founded the course in Vancouver, that he had not read a paper so this side of passionate before. He even watched a few of RK's films after my essay. My A in that class and passion for continuing in film studies and journalism is totally due to RK.

I bought all of the 10 films he directed and the key films he produced during his peak between the 40's till Mera Naam Joker. There is a definite pattern that is apparent in his work, during the Nargis years he was truly at his creative height. Aawara, Shree 420, Boot Polish, Jagte Raho all of these splendid films are some of my favourites. But every director has some turning point, RK's has to be when Nargis left him and his films suddenly switched from art to all-out entertainment in every spectrum. Lots of critics disparage the period of Sangam, Jis Desh Mein Ganga Behti Hai, Mera Naam Joker, Satyam Shivam Sundaram as his lowest point. Their auteur had gone puerile and crass in his need to fund his studio and his bad habits.

To this I say KHAMOSHHHH! Yes I really cannot sit through Satyam Shivam Sundaram and Ram Teri Ganga Maili without cringing and getting angry, but their are moments in these disappointing films that are lovely. RK's 'Woman in White' may have her bazookas hanging out but in a day and age where we are so used to everything, RK's idealization of his heroines is a refreshing retread. For every Bobby there is a Mera Naam Joker, which I need to review again because it is such a revealing haunted piece of work that didn't get the credit or it's proper place in the film canon

I don't usually get so worked up about many directors but if like RK they have earned my ire and love then I can debate for days what Aawara's true outcome was? Every film RK directed and produced bears his stamp of art and entertainment and that is such a beautiful thing. Yes he may have abandoned some of his arty side for thrills and sex but we wouldn't haven't broken down the censor board if RK hadn't put Zeenat in that see through saree or hinted at such eroticism with Nargis responding to his slaps in Aawara.

So here's to the moustached blobby but gorgeous man who captured my heart at 9 and never gave it back! I would have never discovered properly and beyond this blog that I could write eloquent film essays and follow a film nerd path! Thank you Mr Kapoor!

Masala Moods by Dr Rum - Part 1

2011-04-13T12:38:00.013-07:00

Anil is seething with my long absence as Empress of the Masala Pradesh!

I really sincerely apologize for leaving this great nation for such a long time. But with 3000 word film essays, my postcolonial art book, and just generally life I had to leave for a while. That's not to say I didn't read last month's 'Deol Dhamaka' like a proper blogger would, but I would have loved to have reviewed a few. Lekin fikr not as my grandma says, I AM BACK! Finished up school but now onto exams, but I thankfully have time to devote to myself.

If you've been following me on Twitter, then you'd recognize all these upcoming snazzy Masala symptoms or mood encapsulators! There is an actor and actress that can embody any symptom or mood you might be feeling when say your dog shits on a new rug, I'd classify that as a FURIOUS FEROZ! Or when you are very happy and feel like singing then you'd be a Lilting LATA! Onwards we go with Part 1 of probably many!

RRAAWRRR

1. Moody Vijaya - My personal favourite that I coined. You know when you're a MV when you are prone to having slanging matches with the gods at a temple, when life treats you unfairly. This was the first symptom of a full-blown Masala Maniac that I had experienced, especially during the essay crunch time, I would become Moody when reading all these identity probing articles for my postcolonial class. I would adopt a snarl, and have a bombastic dialogue likely written by Salim and Javed if someone annoyed me. This phase can last for a while, but every Moody Vijay(a) has a counterpoint of being a Vivacious Vijay, but sometimes this defeats the purpose when adopting an 'Angry Young Man/Woman' stance in life.

2. Sunny Shashi - Now this may be a conflicting one because we have a Sunny Deol who is quite Sunny in some films. This works far better with Shashi, because this mood works just dandy when you are friends with a Moody Vijay above. A happy and cheery demeanor is what we all strive for as Masala patients. Sunny Shashi symptoms includes smiling at everyone in a crooked and cute way, having an abundance of manic energy without drinking gallons of coffee or sweets, and generally being endearing and lightening up any folk you meet. A Sunny Shashi may not always be extremely sunny but this happy and cheerful edge to such a mood works to your advantage if you manage balance this overabundance out.

3. Gutted Guru - the predecessor to a Moody Vijay mood. A Gutted Guru mood is when you have become a hardened and bitter soul where nothing can brighten your ennui. Symptoms include seeing life is a series of sad and ironic events, no woman or man can break through your wall till you turn into a Less than Gutted Guru. Poetry and drinks are usually a must for this mood, as some of the best musings about the world come in a drunken stupor. A breakup or upset with the current state of your nation may be the cause for such depression but a likely respite from these troubles may come from a kindly woman or man who love you despite your selfishness.
4. Weepy Asha - A mood that afflicts us all. A Weepy Asha is a self-sacrificing type of trait where you cannot help but burst into tears at the slightest upset. Moving house? Tears. See a cute picture of bunnies snuggling upto baby puppies? Supreme tears. This mood usually starts after a seemingly balanced All-Rounded Asha, but due to machinations created by this mood or by parents you devolve into this mood. This mood is easily resolved when the love of your life leaves everything for you, but the inescapable tears always flow!

You are frequently found in this thoughtful stance

5. Meaningful Manoj - or in other words a Hipster Manoj. Always eager to voice concerns over the nation, diaspora, and every single issue that interests you, I would classify you as a Meaningful Manoj. Symptoms of this mood include passionate speeches, visualizing your life in crazy but social critique looking camera angles, and of course covering one's face every time you feel a bother of ennui or exasperation at another person's ignorance. On this list, I would say that a Meaningful Manoj is the best to have a gang of a Sunny Shashi, a Moody Vijaya, and an upcoming Swaggering Shotgun to voice your concerns and win election votes in the Masala Pradesh.

Thanks for tuning in for an upcoming series on the Dr.Rum Oz show of Masala Moods, and I will definitely be back with some more fabulous and encompassing moods such as the Scandalous Saira, the Stylish Sadhana, the KRAZZY Kishore, and more S's and R's to be thought of. Which of the above suits you?

Deol Dhamaka: Sunny aur Rum - An Ambivalent Affair

2011-03-01T12:43:00.004-08:00

That is one pissed off Mofo, just look at the flames!

I'm really excited for this fabulous month of Deol Dhamaka, because it'll allow all of us fangirls and fanboys to appreciate the original Punjaban family: THE DEOLS! And being a Punjabi myself I couldn't pass this opportunity over at all, because I have a filmi connection to these Deol men.

My late grandfather came from the same pindh as Dharamendra, my babaji also wanted to become an actor and defied his folks and ran off to Bombay. He managed to stay with Dharam in his struggler days, but when my babaji couldn't wait it out he went back to the pindh! And I've got several uncles that can vouch for that crazy story! Me and Shashi and Dharam, so many filmi encounters!

But getting back to this fabulous month, I thought I'd start off Deol Dhamaka with a Deol puttar that I vehemently hated for a while but had a sudden change of heart with: Sunny Deol. My family is a strange one, my grandad loved the nonsense but Awesometastic Dara Singh films and I remember being scarred for life seeing his many headlocks and crotch locks. Naturally when Sunny decided to make an entrance, my family thought he was the new heir to the wrestling and wooden hero, which didn't help me at all. I had sit through all of his screeching, and closeups of those bloodshot and weird eyes of his and pummeling baddies till blood gushed everywhere. Needless to say, I hated Sunny with a passion during my 8-17 phase of life, there was just nothing to him as he wasn't cute like Bobby, he didn't possess the all roundedness of his papa, and he just stunk.

Sunny is intrigued, all he needs is a contemplative hand gesture and white beard

But as I continued to write him off and adore his brother and father. I had a reevaluation moment during Apne while he swore to 'ohh yeah i fooock youuuu' to the other boxer, he kinda won me over with his ridiculously passionate use of the f-word, and that my friends is a winner to this ribald dirty sailor mouth of mine. And the fact that he has such a seductive voice when he's not screeching and raving at baddies. So let's look at some of the pluses in his career that I've only recently discovered.

1. His Brilliant spark: Ghayal, Arjun, Betaab, Damini - these were the movies I hadn't seen for a while and they are actually gems of movies. I had seem them as a young 'un and never revisited them because of the vicious pummeling his 80's Angry Young Man did. It made me a bit squeamish, to watch him kick the shit out of Amrish Puri, who I had a new appreiciation for coz Indiana Jones! But in these movies he demonstrated that he could handle a bit of romance and action at the same time. I love in Betaab when he sings a song to Amrita Singh then the next minute he's doing a tractor stunt! Seriously looking back on these films, I will begrudgingly admit the guy CAN ACT! There I said it, he really can summon all the fury in him and that strong throat of his screeches out the best dialogues that Salim and Javed put in there! Sunny's very much an actor who has concocted a persona, aided by Salim and Javed with their brilliant dialogues and current(back then) handling of prevalent issues. The 80's were full of unemployment and I liked how Sunny's persona was voicing these concerns with corruption and job inequality albeit with a whole of dishoom dishoom and screaming. And he won all my respect for his tour-de-force performance as the drunk lawyer in Damini, a well deserved National Award win for that one, he demonstrated a hero with flaws and humility, and I loved how it was Meenakshi who made him aware of his talent and gives him his ambition back.

Every time he puts the pagh on, Punjabis rejoice!

2. The Dreaded Age: Gadar, Farz, Indian - Now this was age where I had to watch tons of his films as a kid in the cinema or on ZeeTv. And I'm afraid I was so right in hating these films and Sunny's OTT schtick he did in nearly all of these films. These films were right in their intention of capitalizing on Sunny's mass appeal and his forte in action films, but the story and Sunny constantly repeating the stock screaming, dishoom, speech, stomp with gal, etc.. it just fell flat on its face. The jingoistic messages and rabble rousing fear of Muslims in these films are just downright awful and Sunny just got stuck in a rut. I have to single out Gadar, because my mum was in the Punjab when this came out and Oh my gosh did they love this film and cheered on in the awful climax bit where he screeches that India is his home, when Amrish Puri(again!) tells him renounce India and embrace Pakistan. UGHHH I know I may be pummeled by Sunny lovers, but the film the biggest hit of his career was just a shrewd manipulation of a real and saddening event to capitalize on his broad appeal. That's not to say that there weren't any quiet moments where he was brilliant, he was so lovely when he tries to locate his wife and takes his son along. But this period of Sunny's career is why I never liked him in the beginning.

Alright dammit, he semi-cute in a way!

The Bright Spots: Border, Apne, Yamla Pagla Deewana, Heroes - Now I may be guilty of overpraising him but in Border he was a much better reuniting and glorious leader than say Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan. All those maudlin speeches in the Hollywood film didn't work in his favour, as Matt Damon can languish if he wants but a film like Border and Sunny's heartfelt and honest performance with it's maudlin and rousing speeches did work. I know these were 2 totally different wars, but Tom Hanks was too nice to be a forceful leader and Sunny's speech to his wife and to his men drive the point home. Initially I was put off with him screeching, and letting my poor gorgeousface Akashaye Khanna and Sir Handsome-at-the-Time Jackie Shroff languish at the end. Now that was an effortless performance where he used his trademark gestures to a beautiful degree. His later films with his family Apne, which is the lone movie that made my stone-hearted sister weep in its moments of father-son verbal offs. I really did like Sunny in this film, he seemed more relaxed after a break which did him much good as he was a lovely actor in this film and outshone a Hand-trauma Boooobbby Deol and a curmudgeonly Dharam. And did I mention how much I adored his swearing? Now one of his most underrated roles is in Heroes where he plays a wheelchair bound Major mourning his brother Boobby(I am gonna call him this all day thanks to Amaluu!). It was such a wonderful, understated and affecting performance which really made me want to watch more of his story than Salman's. His redonkulous scene where he's gotta have one fight scene even if he is a paraplegic is just awkward to watch! And onto the biggest hit of the year so far, Yamla Pagla Deewana where he was so funny and again stole the show from his bro and papa, I loved the scene where he was talking in English to the crowd. 'Don't give him yaauur wwwoootes" is the new catchphrase around my household, that hilarious way he enunciated wwwwotes is killer, intentional or not!

Sorry for the rambling but looking at some of his movies again has put into perspective, I do LIKE Sunny Deol, he is a very good actor when he's in the right project with a script that does him justice and allows him not to raise his voice for no reason(that voice just killed me in my childhood). Come back later this week for even more Booobby Deol pyar because Lawdy I adore that kid!

Masala Pradesh's Pretentious Post or My Faves of 2010!

2011-01-14T11:56:00.020-08:00

'Moody Vijay' - my state of mind for 2010, add it to your filmi lexicon

Sorry for such a long break, but being back in Vancouver for the holidays I just couldn't manage another post other than my celebrated(!) ire filled Bakwaas List. But I thought I'd finally air my views on some of the good parts of 2010, because always going against the crowd I thought it was not such a damn awful year for Bollywood in 2010. I'm gonna approach this from a cinephile/pretentious filmi nerd stance, because being in a small town with nothing much to do, I've been reading half the books in our library by the early French and New Wave critics, and they have a point!

The Critics: Francois Truffaut, who I'll appoint a Masala Pradesh Saint Truffaut Bhagwan, talks about straddling the two categories of films, the Masala and the Arty Farty in our case, and what I've definitely noticed in 2010 that critics do not know how to balance the two. For instance, he goes on about loving a film like 'A Face in the Crowd' by Elia Kazan with it's subversive messages about the media, but also heaps praise onto something Hollywood spectacle like 'Samson and Delilah.' Now maybe it's because I'm a journo type that loves my Masala and my Arty films, and because I approach a film liking the director or star, but I don't treat a Tees Maar Khan like an Udaan, because they are miles apart. Critics in India, have this awful problem and their outrageous reactions to films like Tees Maar Khan by expecting it to be another Main Hoon Na or the height of Masala brilliance. It's their close-minded and editorializing to a sniping degree, where they insult the filmmaker or actor, it's just not objective. All reviews should air what was good about a film like highlighting a good performance or script, and if they hate it, they really have to sell it to the viewer why and not cop out by unfairly and unnecessarily bringing personal gripes and grudges into it. That's why in 2010, the gaping disparity between what the masses flocked to and what the critics favoured, was so gaping wide. If critics want to repair their relations with the audience that is rapidly dwindling and turning to word-of-mouth and the internet, then they really have to consider what the masala and arty intake the average filmgoer can handle, they really should STOP sounding so smug and think about who they're writing for.

END OF RANT! I'm sorry, I've read many reviews from the vintage Stardusts, FilmIndia's, and other film mags over this summer and the journalists and critics back then, who were also very catty, but the reviews took into account that people would immediately be in seats for something with Amitabh being a Moody Vijay but they also recommended films like Bhumika.

I know I can't blame the critics the whole time, it's also the filmmakers who throw out bakwaas like Break Ke Baad, Hollywood style romcoms that just don't connect with the audience and vanity projects like Khelein Hum Jee Jhan Se, which just exhausts and bores. Earnest intentions by all these big directors would normally win my own heart, HELL I loved Veer, which was another earnest piece of shamefulness, but they also need to find interesting stories and not go overboard with their delusions of grandeur, looking at you Mr SLB! The audience in India is a fickle bunch, one thing like an No Problem, the usual Aneez Bazmee fare which they lapped up before was a super flop, but something like a Peepli Live did well. I think the films of 2011 need to be toned down in their OTT publicity monsters because a Tees Maar Khan, which did the rounds was so hyped that although it did somewhat alright, people were disappointed as a result of that as well.

ANYWAYS! I'd like to share my eclectic mix bag of faves this year, irrespective of box office, there were many movies which were brilliant, good, and alright! But enough rambling and ranting here it is, in no particular order because that's far too hard and I would ponder like a philosophy student!

1. Ishqiya - Truly one of the best films, which finally gave a career Renaissance of sorts to Arshad Warsi and Vidya Balan both brilliant actors who were stuck in a comedy and romance/fashion rut. Vishal Bharadwaj's stories always feature such expressive and profane language that was perfect in this film, he has such an ear for the rustic dialect that is so acute and in this film he excelled as a screenwriter, which we all know from his adaptations of Shakespeare to rural Bihar in Omkara and Mumbai for Maqbool. But I think this film won all it's praise for it's performances by Arshad Warsi, who dropped all the second banana roles to play the lusty Babban. He is such an untapped actor that directors need to use far more, and he creates a full blooded man full of passion, and humour. And it's such a good neo-noir as well, of course adapting it to a Bihar setting makes perfect sense, because I'd rather have the femme fatale in a sari like Vidya. Sensuous and dangerous, Vidya makes Krishna a dame worth stealing for. And that kiss! As much as it's great that Bollywood is doing snogs and all, but this one was less of the tender and quick pecks we see, but pure animalistic hunger and it was HOT! I haven't mentioned much of the director Abhishek Chaubey, who aided in the screenplay and is definitely a director I want to see more of, but this is one of those films that is dominated by the presence of it's auteur producer/music director, and that's one of it's best points. Bhardwaj's flair for the ribald dialogues of Bihar and setting it in small town India makes this a neo-noir that is just as stylish and beautiful as his city-set films like Kaminey.

2. Tees Maar Khan - I'm with Kara/Filmigirl on this one, this was a good film in all the ways I wanted it to be, paisa vasool entertainment full of masala madness and meta-snarkiness that wins a reference spotter like me over! Now I know people saw this and were supremely disappointed with it, but there's an indicative moment where Farah's hubby Shirish Kunder sweeps up all the Oscars at the end credits. Shirish, has an irreverant humour that we witnessed in Jaan-e-Maan, with it's plot elements all thrown in and framing the songs like Broadway songs, and it worked for me at least. This was a Farah film framed through Shirish techniques, and I loved it. I just saw the Peter Sellers original 'After the Fox' and while the two are extremely similar, both were hot messes affected by every actor doing their own thing and just generally HAVING FUN, and that joyful abadonement of details and contrivances makes them so enjoyable. Tees Maar Khan has all the great packaging, great songs and fluid and music video style cinematography, but it won me over for the two A's: Akshay Kumar, who probably put his everything into this movie, and it's fun to watch him cut loose in a film that caters to his strengths of being a very physical actor and trying anything, in a way that none of his Priyadarshan films do. And Akshaye Khanna, what a gleeful role as the Oscar hungry Atish Kapoor, he really went to town with that role and was a complete scene-stealer. And lastly Katrina Kaif, who I kinda like and she was hilarious being a vain wannabe and she looked like she was enjoying herself and stole the show in her small role.

3. Raavan/Raavanan - Two movies, same story, both different experiences that were both interesting experiments. Critics again jumped on the 'Let's shoot this down' bandwagon for Raavan, to be honest Raavan was an experiment in mood, and story that only partially worked. But I had to add this to the list alongside it's better counterpart, because I have a feeling both will be appreciated much later down the road, and lol I might have to turn producer and give these two their own Criterion Filmi Collection, because they are both great pieces of cinema as Mani Ratnam took a chance on two wildly different actors to interpret B/Veera, the supposed villain of the piece and turned the Ramayana tale on its head, by blurring the lines of good and evil between B/Veera and Dev, two men jostling for power, and I'm gonna admit I really liked Abhishek's interpretation. It's the damn earnestness of it all, they tried so hard to make something weird and wonderful and I think it will be one of the hotly debated classics of Indian cinema. But what is consistent in both, the acting by Aishwariya Rai is absolutely phenomenal and she shares great chemistry with both Abhishek and Vikram, but I appreciated Abhishek's performance because it is OTT, manic, and definitely something I'm sure he's secretly proud of. But Vikram does the more subtle, manic, super-cali-fragi-fuckinamazin-docious portrayal because he made Beera, more sensuous and sexual being than Abhi which is why pitting the two portrayals next to each other is such an interesting comparison, because it just adds to the many layers Raavan had. Sorry I just need this to be on a Criterion Collection dvd right this minute for me to geek out over!

4. Rakt Charitra 1+2 - Everyone loves a good comeback, and I'm one of those suckers and seeing as it was my underrated fave Viveik Oberoi then I shall be heralding his comeback as the best for an actor who made a resounding Dishoom entrance with Company and to return with a forceful performance with his mentor RGV. And I'd say both director and star benefitted from the hype, even if the Hindi version didn't do so great, but the other ones did. Viveik is a strong actor that was blacklisted unfairly for his press conference debacle about Salman, and I kinda admire him for that, but this was the best way for him to reclaim his territory as the new Angry Vigilante on the block. Viveik imbues pathos into Pratap so we feel his pain and understand as he sloly turns into a monster and are shocked by his sudden urge to lop off heads, and knife people! And I think Ram Gopal Varma is back in form again, he has a contentious visual language of the loud chanting, odd camera angles (i always love his trademark from above a glass table shot, which is soo Masala because Feroz Khan did so many of those shots in Dharmatma!) and he's uncomprimising on the way he shoots his films and his subject matter which makes him stand alone from the rest of the directors out there today. Part 2 was obviously dominated by Suriya making a bombastic debut in Hindi films, but Viveik still managed to create a sort of Michael Corleone gone far worse. The assasination scene was just amazing. Both were full of non-stop even bloodier Pekinpah carnage, which was necessary for the murky politics of revenge and power.

5. Udaan - I really don't know why people bash this movie so much, but I do realize that movies like these are catering to a niche urban audience and not everyone's gonna jump on this Indie-Amazingness film! I just like movies about 'rites of passages' and 'coming of age' ones like these, but this one had a universal story of family pressure. It becomes so much more than that, with the lived in and stunning performances by Rajat Barmecha, Ronit Roy, and Ram Kapoor. We see Rohan wanting to be free from his stifling and abusive home life of routine and boredom, he wants to be a writer and poet. While critics and others found that it emphasized a more literal freedom from his harrowing home life, I thought that that was only way he could flourish as a writer and as a person was to finally take his brother and run. The row scenes are so raw and hard to watch at times, yet another one of those typical 'root for him to escape' moments that would be cliche, but I honestly cared for the two boys and it enahnced the emotional experience. It reminded me of Truffaut's 'The 400 Blows' which was repetitive in that showed the young Antoine Doinel navigate through his school and bad home life, going to school coming home, running away and all over again, and this film in its symbolic shots of the factory instruments pounding and crushing his dreams, writing in the fields, and contemplating. And it's these moments we don't see much in films where we can see a character really soul searching and contemplating his freedom and life, usually if a hero is trapped then by the end he'll have a job and a happy life and all that. I know I'm rambling but I like thoughtful characterization of heroes that are aimless and trapped, although it is suffers from problematic characterization of Rohan's dad, who is just awful and abusive, and drinks all day long, he isn't offered any other side which is off-putting at first but Ronit Roy does such a wonderful job of the character that we just feel he's been trapped in his own set ways and can't bend at all.

6. Band Baaja Baaraat - I will herald my love for this film all day long, although I saw it after all those shitty romcoms that came before it, this movie again has a love story that's simply revolutionary for not piling on the montages of singing in on a beach style love, and creating fully rounded reality steeped characters that we can root for! Is it really hard to tell that romances set in India like this and Ishqiya, are consistently trumping the NRI montage-quick lets fall in love in style romances like Anjaana Anjaani? But what I have to rave about is Ranveer Singh! What an absolutely wonderful debut for him, it definitely shows how a godfather/mother/Masala Filmi animal connection (Moti the dog can only help so much, kids!) doesn't bring you success and give you that magic spark that the audience immediately connects with. Ranveer has screen presence that most first time newcomers don't have, he's an instinctive actor as his intro scenes are so charming and I know I have a new crush of the month. But I think what's most appealing about him in this film, is ability to project a very Everyman quality to him, he's not exceptionally beautiful like a Hrithik (I certainly think he is) but he makes Bittoo his own, an aimless college boy that loves his food and loafing around. We don't have enough of the Everyman-type heroes that an Amol Palekar or a Jack Lemmon specialized in, and I think if he continues to be so spontaneous and fresh in his next few films then he's here to stay. And of course Anushka Sharma is fabulous too, her reaction to the morning after rejection is just heart-breaking. Of course the audience connected with this movie because it was well-written by Habib Faisal and Maneesh Sharma, they manage to steep a Yashraj production which has a penchant for the 'let's strut' montages, 'let's fall in love in our beachwear' songs, into a filmi reality that just works!

7. Dabangg - Let's all bow to the revisionist Masala Pradesh approved Saint Salman! We are not worthy! If 2010 publicity was good in one area, it was the hype for this deserving movie. Masala has been coming back to the fore for a while now, especially with 2009's Wanted and even before that the homage hot mess masala Tashan. But Salman and Abhinav Kashyap capitalized on this hunger for a film where the sheer angriness of the hero can make his shirt automatically tear off, where the villain can snarl/have an super OILY well sculpted body/and act goofy, where Arbaaz has a meta-dishoom fight with his actual reel/real bhai, and just the absolute faithfulness to a masala concept. This wasn't a perfect film, it had loopholes, but we overlooked all of that because Salman dominated the show and meshed all of his cool guy schtick, lack of pretentious acting and his stoic personality into one character that hypnotized us. Let's not forget the Great Female Hope in Sonakshi Sinha, an actress that made a great impact in her few small scenes and of course her thankless task of bringing a healthy sized heroine back to the screen that was sexy and alluring! The film is a testament to the director and star, who captured the masala zeitgeist and instead of turning it into a vanity project, they made a paisa vasool film which even some of the critics begrudgingly admitted entertained, which is what it all comes down to. A masala movie is meant for gratifying the audience's need for a good time and being a clever smart at that too!
Plus it had the debut of our Masala Pradesh Filmi Animals Sheroo-the Wonder Bird and Allah Rakha's younger and more agile cousin, Sheroo Part Do!

Honourable mentions

Raajneeti - Loved it in the cinema for all those speeches, and gargantuan Mahabharata backstabbing, but criminally underused Ajay Devgn in the key role as Karna, lovely Katrina show glimpses of a really earnest and untapped potential.

Peepli Live - I honestly was turned off by Aamir's hype of this being a satire, it really wasn't, it was far too garbled a message for that. More of a black comedy which veered into farce. But definitely the right choice for the Oscar entry.

Once Upon A Time in Mumbaaaaiiii - Numerology works in some cases! Spot on homage to the crime films of the 70's, fabulous dialogues and a psychotic Emraan Hashmi stealing the show, although again criminally underusing the gals only as the Apprehensive girlfriend or the Love of a gangster's life and only that.

Do Dooni Chaar - A lovely slice of life film which had Neetu Singh and Rishi back together in such an apt film for a co production with Disney to be, unlike Warner Bros helping out Shameful Classic 'Chandni Chowk to China' A bit annoying with narration but a film with absolute heart. I died of a dil-squish through many moments of it!

Aisha - Shameful admission of this one, because when I'm not shouting of the glorys of TCM and masala films, I do like a good old chick flick. Of course I muttered throughout 'that Aisha is such a meddling bitch' even through Emma, which is not one of my fave Austen novels. Dammit it had such a freaking gorgeous wardrobe for everyone, Sonam even showed sparks of dimmed potential, and Abhay, despite his petty comments after it did moderately well in places, was a studly Colin Firth type and had suprisingly good chemistry with Sonam.

Well thaaaat's all folks! Thanks for bearing with my egregiously long rambles about my ire and my favourites! What are your hopes for 2011? I for one am hoping for more set at home romcoms that are smart like BBB and more indie films getting better distribution!

Annual Bakwaas List of 2010 - Rage Rage Against the Dying Filmi Light

2010-12-21T17:47:00.012-08:00

The Exact Expression of Bakwaas detection

Yes I did just quote Dylan Thomas in the title, I'm terrible! Well 2010 is almost up and looking

back on the movies I saw, there were an absolute ton of duds that got the Bakwaas Stamp on them. Being me, I can usually put up with a lot of bakwaas and batshit things, but since moving away from home and stocking up on crappy copies of the latest films, I look forward to watching these films because there's nothing much to do there and when a film is bakwaas, then Masala Rum khush nahi hua! Perhaps some of this borne out of my absolute ire for the uncl

e dvdwallah who occasionally has a good copy of a film months down the line, but bakwaas is just bakwaas. Warning: A lot of these mini-reviews have spoilers and an air of 'How-could-i-buy this-bollocks' and maybe an occasional swear word!

Budtameez ladki put some clothes on!

1. Pyar Impossible - YES, I realize this is an Uday Chopra vehicle to resurrect his flagging career, but if you read my Shameful Classics post on Neal n Nikk, I went on a whole diatribe praising Uday and his iconic shameful status in this Masala Pradesh universe. So I was shamefully looking forward to this, maybe because he was so earnest in interviews and in his other films. I shamefully liked it the first time round but again I was high on sweets, but a sober second rewatch and this film was just the pits. And shame of shames Uday wrote the script! Nahieeeee! First of all we have Priyanka Chopra being the male gaze object of the piece wearing the hoochiest clothes around, and no wonder this nerd fancies the pants off her if she dresses like a besharam ladki to the office and around. And the egregious product placement of Apple computers, I felt sorry for this supreme loser that Uday played if he got cheered up by looking at a Mac computer. And Priyanka plays some sort of software person, when she bailed out of school and wears the tightest and most revealing outfits to meetings. I know I'm just being a disgruntled git for raging against the male gaze who obviously got there money's worth ogling Priyanka, but I can safely say as earnest as Uday was, he should permanently retire unless he can find a better glory project for himself.

The extremely lackluster debutantes

2. Sadiyaan - If you follow me on twitter, then you'll know my my snippet of a war with Luv Sinha, I slagged him off after seeing his debut film in a blunt way, and either him or his twitter slave sent me his Facebook page! I hooted with laughter that day and vowed avengeance and then he deleted his reply but my glory and claim to Page 3 fame is tearing down a star son. I'm gonna censor myself this time round and be rather blunt in a thoughtful way: this movie was just a terrible launch for that kid. I'm not gonna deny that he tried valiantly to conjure up emotions that were probably there, but seriously a filmi baccha could do better than that! What's more the director piled on the evergreen stars like Rishi Kapoor, Hema Malini, Rekha, and Javed Sheikh who do a good job and carry the film on their shoulders. But the lead pair were far too mousy and weedy to do a good job, but I had a riot with my maa and sister making fun of the whole film which was mawkish to the extreme and awkward to watch that kid do all the typical hero work like doing a Punjabi song, kissing the gal, having a showdown but being as effective as a potato trying to recreate Macbeth! Avoid yaaron

3. Badmaash Company - Yet again I liked this the first time, because Yashraj have injected some sort of 'immediately I love you' syndrome into me, maybe its the opening aaaaaaah's by Lata that get me. But this was not a stinker in that was shite the whole way through, but that it was far too posey and pretentious than it needed to be. I was absolutely amazed by how many 'look how cool and hipster we are' strutting and swaggering slow motion walking shots, and the 'lets all have fun' montages that were piled on in this films in the place of an actual storyline that was not the beaten to death farmoola of con films. The cast did the best they could with such silly material, and the director probably shouldn't have admitted he wrote it in 6 days to Taran Adarsh on his show, because it has gaping plotholes. And Meiyang Chang deserves some kudos to stick around in a film, where his schtick is 'haha the Asian guy' for his gang to make fun of him for, I hooted out loud in the cinema when he eventually proclaimed 'HUM HINDUSTANI HAI!' Bechaara, I hope he gets some Danny Denzongpa roles, because he managed to overcome his difference.

4. I Hate Luv Storys - I HATED THIS FILM! Maybe because I know girls like Simran who usually have emotional crises and this film just magnified those situations to a ginormous level that was just too much for me! I wanted to slap Simran for being so godamn overly romantic in ways that the film probably meant to spoof but really didn't, and Imran, as lovely and contemporary as he is, was such a dimwit for being so aloof. It started off so well with spoofing all the cliches but then it devolved into rubbish by succumbing to same useless cliches.

Two Mums, I would just die if it were these 2!

5. We Are Family - UGHHH this film was just awful for being the kind of mush that gives me a cheese-attack! I for one didn't mind the Stepmom, and the thought of Kareena and Kajol doing the Indian version was exciting...until I watched it! I know I'm not a mother and all that sentimental jazz, I got the Kajol's character was possessive and protective of her kids however she was a total cow to Kareena's character and it was just pie-inducing for me. I don't mind mushy films but this was overflowing like a cheese lake, and that was no good for me. Plus How dare they desecrate Elvis by butchering Jailhouse Rock, I mean the 'Pretty Woman' song did a nice job of Roy Orbison, but tackling the King is just terrible, and why feature a female gaze object like Arjun Rampal and not have him in it for half the film?!

Well there you have it, the ire released and I'm feeling all at ease for now except for the unnecessary dentist appointment tomorrow so the ire cycle begins again. I probably hated Anjaana Anjaani and Break ke Baad if I saw it, it's just the recent romantic films are so vapid and insistent on being cool and hipster-ish at the detriment of the story, when all we really want is a modern-up-to-a-point, channeling of a Rahul/Raj persona and the typical Indian romantic ingredients that are tried, tested, and ultimately the best!

Masala Rum is 20! Now What Happens?

2010-11-12T09:02:00.004-08:00

Yes I suppose nothing will change, I'll still be doing jumpology shots!

Well this is a very momentous occasion today, because I am 20 and no longer a teen in title but always a teen in my mind!

Yes my faithful flock that have been following and reading this blog when I started out as a hyper exuberant 17 year old to my present day state as a moderately mature but still exuberant 20 year old! I thank you all, for reading the inane posts full of few

commas, and typos, but I though I'd better do a filmi meme of MASALA Empress RUM! Because Masala is definitely my middle name, when I think of my 20 years of movie watching, and naturally I'm Empress of the Masala Pradesh state which was formed when I was a giddy eighteen year old, and Rumnique being my oft-mangled in pronounciation name! Chalo shuroo hojaiye!

The epitome of a thoughtful Masala film

M se hota Masala - You didn't think I'd forget Masala did you now? Or name dropping my favorite redonkulous film Disco Dancer now? Well since I was 2 till 20, Masala has been in my veins and my blood type must be Masala as well because instinctively I can label a movie as masala even if it has two brothers/sisters/Sheroo birds that are not long lost, or a particular masala vehicle for Brownie Moti in Teri Meherbaniyan

The Man that started it All!

A se hota hai Anil - Yes of course Anil had to be here, and I have to thank him for making 1942 A Love Story and making my first ever film viewing at 2 years old the best film to start my odyssey with. 20 years later, that film is still the most special, wonderful, beautiful to revisit all the time, which is definitely the cheesy reason I had to bring it with me to my new home in the middle of nowhere Canada, because Anil in that movie is just super freaking adorable and can channel an old Hollywood star with his gallant striding around in that film!

Ohh the emo pain of Filmi Bachhas everywhere

S se hota hai Shameful Classics - Of course the week I devised was the best week after Chichi, Khanna-o-Rama, Sridevipalooza, and all the other star related weeks. What was revealed that week was astonishing, lots of you have a lot of besharam films you adore, and hell me included if I managed to be have a BARSAAT cry in Toofan. Naturally I was the one to champion the Shameful icons Uday and Himesh with their earnest acting. I think there's some quote by Steven Spielberg about how if you can find a nugget of goodness in any film, good or rubbish, then that's the magic of cinema, and really that's me! I loved that week for finding the crazy brilliant nuggets from Toofan and Radio, and reading all your discoveries as well!

A se hota hai Amar, Akbar, Anthony - The touchstone of the quintessential Masala film by the Masala auteur of craziness Manmohan Desai, is the film that I can watch over and over to get a zap of my masala power! Its got all my favorite actors, and the best title song and climax ever full of hysteria and hijincks that only Desai can put on the table. There have been many imitations of the Desai way of masala filmmaking and really it doesn't work and you have go back to the source material, and behold the sheer glory of the piece!

The Film that Created My Filmi Pagal Blog!

L se hota hai Love - I wouldn't have made the Masala Pradesh or this glorious blog if I didn't SUPER LOVE Indian films, because naturally when the internet came along and when blogging was the new kid on the block, I just had to chronicle my filmi descent into madness about films. This is the perfect outlet to unleash my overwhelming love for all things Masala, Batshit, and downright Bakwaas. As you'll see I have a ton of lists like the Moustache post at the beginning which shows the extent of my BollyHollyMusical-itis and general pyar for EVERYTHING! And here's for more outpourings of unabashed Looove!

Most people's reaction to my shelf!

A se hota hai Abundance - I just came home this weekend to Vancouver for this celebrate this birthday in a city, and when I got in everything seemed so new, and that includes the dvd shelf. I went upstairs and looked at the 2 sagging shelves that might just split in half carrying the magnitude of the dvds I've bought since being in this country and I've been in Vancouver since 2002! Yes its quite a huge shelf and whenever my grandma or auntyji's from London come over, they shriek and go all Nirupa Roy on me and bemoan my addiction to films. Once a film addict, always a film addict, but even though I'm terrible with budgeting and earn the ire of my parents. I have a pretty fabulous collection of classics from every era, films bought only for Filmi animals and Filmi Bacchas, and the rest is all a hodge podge of anything and everything.

No I'm not really a Moody Vijay in real life

R se hota hai Reality - Yes as I begrudgingly learnt Masala films exist in another universe from Earth and there's no Rahul/Raj persona dragging me out to Switzerland to dance with him, no Chichi ribaldry jokes that sound good in conversation, no Sheroo the Wonder Bird to scratch some annoying person's eyes out in Coolie, no way of seeing life through Manoj's crazy cinematography. BUT there is a way to channel my inner 60's heroine, I can put eyeliner on as high as Saira Banu's, I can try and buy every funky dress in Sharmilee and Purab aur Pachim, I can, I can be fierce like a feisty Asha Parekh, I can buy a ton of vintage sunglasses and walk around looking like Zeenat out of Hare Krishna Hare Ram and I can be a Moody Vijay(my new word of being very angry and vigilante-esque like the Amitabh's Vijay) when things don't go my way!

Aww shucks aren't we all we all so like this!

U se hota hai U R SO GREAT - I copped out, I really don't know a good U word this morning, but you all out there that read this blog are so lovely, funny, and wonderful. Though I haven't met some of you, I'm sure I will one day on my travels, if I do ever get some disciplined budgeting skills WHich I will and we'll oodles(love that word) of fun! So thank you for reading and following me for so long and I hope you stick around for more to come!

I'll be the Guddi that still loves the illusion of the silver screen!

M se hota hai Masti- Yes a very underused word that aptly describes me! Full of masti masala mayhem I am always getting up to many pranks and hijinks. Now that I'm 20, the masti will not stop of course because I think at heart I'll always be that crazy, infectiously enthusiastic, and passionate 16 year old discovering the madness and brilliance of movies! Hopefully the 16 year old spirit won't affect my real world judgments and I'll be that 16 year old chatty kid for the film club I just created at Uni as well!

Well there's my quick birthday post, and I'm kinda glad I didn't spell out Rumnique because there's not really many words other than Queen that describe as well! So I hope you keep coming back for many posts and hopefully for a few more years as well. For wherever there's Masala, lost brothers/hamsters, vigilante Vijays, and singing in fields, there'll be Rum!

Disco Dancer - The Tale of Neurotic Jimmy and Tragic Superstar Sam!

2010-10-15T20:59:00.032-07:00

You know you've made it when you've been named as an ice cream!

Well this is a very important post because it's my 100th! And what better way to celebrate than this charming cracktastic disco and downfall masala film? Seeing as this is a hugely momentous day at the Masala Pradesh, I'm going to stretch myself and turn this review into a mock-heroic epic, like 'The Rape of The Lock' but not really, because as brilliant as I am, I am no Jonathan Swift! But as I've taken a bundle of English and writing courses, I thought why not stretch yourself with this amazing film that has 2 wonderful characters that have enough disco ennui and pain to rival other rock stars! Chalo shuroo hojaiye!

Thy faithful addition Sir Wiggle-my-head-alot!

Of Jimmy's first disco dalliance and the pelvis thrusts
Of those Bappi-beats, whose synthesizers
Brought Disco destruction into the Masala Universe
Of Superstar Sam, the prodigal dancer of flailing arms
And shiny costumes, what befalls this bechara?
Ohh heavenly masala muse, I invoke thee to aid my disco tale
To uncover the myths of the creation of the Indian Disco idol
Instruct me to warn other hopeful stars of the folly of shiny clothes
Let not the fate of Superstar Sam affect others
I shall justify the ways of Disco to women/men!
Who first seduced Jimmy to the funky Bappi beats and led him to revolt?
Thy Gold chained Bappi begins our tale with melodious strums from an acoustic guitar
Young Jimmy, a poor urchin beats down on his drums for his daily roti
The awful Maa, keeps our savior attached to her hip
Her tasty roti she feeds him her attachment poison to him:

The shrew feeds him his upcoming Mummy Issues

Ohh how Jimmy dotes on the calculating shrew
Clad in pure white saris, she defiles her title as a Masala Maa
In a garden of riches, Jimmy meets his Eve
A happy song they sing, till her furious father enters
Abuses hurled at Jimmy and his maa
His mind seething with vengeance of breaking his sacred instruments
Mother dearest is thrown to jail to languish away
Ohh but what is this?
Jimmy has made sacred roti for his maa
His mind enslaved by his Maa Issues:Jimmy, the ever-child rock star

The leeching maa is released and insults are pelted her way
They flee to peaceful Goa
Metamorphosis from a humble denizen of the street
To a rather nimble-footed dark and handsome but fragile young man
Revenge bubbles in his mind
Hell hath no fury like a Mithun scorned,
Though full of mature ideas, Jimmy is held back by the shrew
Again the painful cycle repeats
Jimmy allows himself to be fed the poisonous rotis from his stage Maa:

Ohh how vulnerable Disco Maa has made Jimmy!

Alas his mind has moments of unfogginess
And Jimmy realizes that his tuneful songs and his guitar
Grizzled is his conquest for his goal so much that
Jimmy starts to sharpen his guitar and vows to:

The warrior with his instrumental weapon! (I'm so phunny naa)

As Jimmy works his way up the ladder
Performing at Tuntun's wedding to a dwarf
In the Darkness lurks the pouncing and growling Sam
With shiny suits and hairbands, Superstar Sam is known to all
His dance is laughter in motion
Flailing arms, gyrating hips, unmastered pelvis thrusts
Nevertheless Superstar Sam commands the stage,
All the world beckons him to sing his song
"Aawa Awwa Koi Yahaan Aahan Naache Naache"
Yet Sam harbours a corrupted dil,
Like a young Jim Morrison, a talented but rowdy rockstar
He signals to a fan
To make love to him in the green room after:Supestar Star is a music king and refers to himself to recognize his own reverence!

Sam grows drunk on the power of adulation,
He shirks his duties, and drifts further away from his artistic soul
Ohh the music and dancing he once did
A shadow of his former self
Sam refers to himself as Sam as though he knoweth of his greatness in shiny outfits
All Thrown aside for groupies, fugly clothing, and sharaab
David Brown,a young dramatic actor appears on scene
To take his paycheque but lends some gravitas to the tale
Exasperated is he by Sam's rock n disco lifestyle
"You should know the difference between a bedroom and green room"
Unbeknownst to Superstar Sam, this is the beginning of his descent
David Brown, free of the shackles of Sam
Drives around at night and spots a sweaty dancing man
Jimmy emerges in the light!
Ohh how he twists and twirls around,
Ohh the energetic thrusts he does
Ohh the forceful head banging that mirrors that of the author of this epic on a usual day!
What a talent, David has seen
What a future this young fellow will have
He foretells that Jimmy will become an idol
Receiver of Beatles-esque adulation
Ohh the promotional items bearing the prestige of Jimmy's name:

This great man gets more than his 10% of Jimmy's earnings!
And conquer Jimmy shall!

David Brown uncovers the talents of Jimmy and unveils him to the female population

With great fame comes cracktastic wardrobe items
Jimmy croons the spectacular "Krishna Dharti Pe Aaja Tu"
Perhaps the divine Krishna shall not come to the Dharti

To be greeted by Jimmy in a sacreligious cotton wool garnished suit
Or a jacket that recalls the Videotape Monster from "The Mighty Boosh"

Through Jimmy's travails with fame he meets many amorous ladies!
Oooh who's is this impertinent girl throwing shoes at the great Jimmy
It is none other than his Eve, both unknown of their childhood bond
The two young children once sang a happy tune
Both filmi kids bopping heads and shaking hips in sync
Ohh these two handsome folk are simply intertwined by destiny
Except for Jimmy's canny ability to smell through her brain and determine her social status

Ohh masala muse!
Is it thine that has orchestrated the similarities of these two stars
We unearth Superstar Sam screwy relations with his parent
A conniving but ultimately loving father
Ohh poor Sam, his shiny suits stripped of him
Blurry orbs become his regular vision after many a sharaabi night

Masking his pierced ego, he guzzles his bottles of rum down

One fateful night, David Brown visits his daughter
The badly dressed hussy resides with Sam,
Comforting him on the bad days
An enraged and sozzled Sam roars and hisses at David
"How dare thou enter my drunken abode! Nikhal jao yahaan se!!"
Ohh what a tragic fate has befallen this once music king, David muses
The sharaab now controls Superstar Sam's actions
Naturally daaru is spilt, with a fair share of insults!
"I'm still great!" Ohh the words of so many forgotten disco stars!Bechaara Superstar Sam admits that he is a "thing" rather than a star!
Daaru on his manager/father-in-law, Sam is enraged!
Jimmy's hyper reliance on his mother grows to gargantuan heights!

In the upper echeleons of fame, Jimmy neuroses multiply
He accepts some more chawl and dahl poison feeding from his maa
This unspeakable act is committed in public!
Nothing is mentioned of it, but such acts have dire consequences!
The great god of Masala has moved the two pawns
Onto a path that will affect both of their personal lives forever!
A seed is planted by the masala sprites sent from above

Such is the downward spiral of Superstar Sam!

Into Superstar's Sam's head during a heroin high
Sifting through the images of his mind,
Superstar Sam has an idea to kill Jimmy!
With father evilest he hires baddies
To literally turn the amp up to 11 to kill Jimmy
Unfortunately the masala sprites mix their masala dust
Into the wrong hands and the Shrewish Maa hears of the plan
In her taxi she rushes to save her son
Despite feeding him poisonous Freudian issues, Maa loves Jimmy
The Masala Lord above has written the story already
And watches as Maa gets her comeuppance by touching the #11 Guitar!

The Shrew is extinguished but not for long...

Ohh Masala Lord what have thy done?!
Mere Anarchy is loosed upon this disco world
But ohh no I must not question your convolutions my Lord
In the death of his mother, Jimmy neuroses reach the hilt
Masala sprites why hast thou powder flown to the wrong receiver!
Jimmy has turned into a recluse,
Oceans of tears grace his cheeks, never shall he walk on stage again!

I break with the flow to say Karan Razdan is an Acting Genius!

In the depths of Disco Descent,Superstar Sam is rejoicing!
His father evilest is pleased to see his Hell spawn in a better mood
But underneath the maniacal laughter, father evilest is shocked
His prodigal Hell-spawn has gone mad with his addictions
The height of Jimmy's mental issues!

Father reveals that Jimmy has become extremely fragile
The death of his mother horriblest has caused him
Extreme anguish and he cowers when seeing a guitar!

Jimmy's extreme fright at seeing the dreaded guitar! NAHIEEEE

It seems that the Masala universe has been dislodged
Our two guiding lights have succumbed to madness
Ohh Masala Lord, thou hast destroyed talent that thou hast put on this earth!
Jimmy has become afraid of the very instrument he sharpened
To strike and bring the city to its knees under his stardom!
And our tragic Superstar Sam, what shall become of him?
So many lives destroyed over the power of Disco
Fie fie on Disco! Let it wither, let it die!
It perpetuates the cycle of Dard-e-disco
Bappi-beats hath destroyed the wiggly hips of our stars
The shiny costumes hath made them blind of their humble origins
Two men intertwined by their passion for Disco
Have fallen to the depths of Disco Descent trying to conquer it!
Disco ist a killer!
!THE END!

Well there you have my mock-heroic epic, I never did complete my Masala Pradesh Production of Paradise Lost, but I really didn't need to as you can see above! I hope this is as fun to read as it was for me to write up! Disco Dancer is really a freaking epic film that had me hook liner and synthesizer! I'm sure most of you must have this dvd on your shelf and we can all admit that this is the best kind of cult classic that there is! I hope you enjoy my life's crowning achievement of my 19 years! Hell who can claim they wrote a mock heroic epic that too on Disco Dancer! ERRRM MEEE! Enjoy the read and I do promise I shall try and focus on some the actual good and prestige films I have on my shelf!

By the end of this, you'll probably be hooting along with Pagal No.1 Superstar Sam!

Shakti - Transcendental Masala Cinema, plus some Daddy Issues!

2010-09-27T15:49:00.020-07:00

Yes, I have always loved Amitabh for all his mad death scenes

Once every so often, there is a movie that just goes above all expectations and touches your masala dil, Shakti is one of those films that ran with my heart and induced a Barsaat Cry! I for one am upholder of Masala ideals, wherever there is a missing son/daughter/hamster or a rain song, then you know that I'll be there! (I was trying to copy the whole idealistic speech from Grapes of Wrath, but that would be too much!)

Anyway, Shakti is a film that I wholeheartedly love because it elevates all its masala trappings turns it into a level of cinematic magic. The script was written by masala scribes Salim and Javed, so there are lots of typical and archetypal staples that we get in this film. But somehow due to the performances of the two greatest actors of Indian cinema, Shakti becomes a film of aggression, Oedipal drama as well as some necessary dishoom-dishoom!
Look at my Anil cho chweet!

So lets start off with Ashwini Kumar(Dilip) telling his grandson(Anil Kapoor-looking soo young) abour his father. I like how I was able to foretell that Anil and Dilip would also be in another favorite of mine, full of drama and dace-offs in Mashaal, I'm just that good y'all!! Ashwini and his wife Maa(Rakhee) have a very peaceful life along with their son Vijay(Master Raju-my filmi baccha son). Ashwini is a police officer and is always getting into tussles with JK(Amrish Puri) and KD Narang(Kulbhushan Kharbanda), when he arrests their right hand man, and my favorite villain from Toofan, Goga Kapoor!
Goga Kapoor with some better hair and getup than Toofan

Ashwini manages to lock up Goga, to the ire of the principal baddies JK n KD, so the two men decide to kidnap Vijay in exchange for Goga. Ashwini is worried, and what follows is such a strong scene to shape the rest of the film. Ashwini refuses to let Goga go, and shouts on the phone, "Go kill him if you dare, just kill him" about his son, which Vijay hears and is really shaken by, that his father cares more for his job than his son.
My son Master Raju about to become a Vigilante!
Awww it's all downhill from here!

Vijay manages to break free, and is saved by KD who lets him go. Vijay manages to get home before Ashwini comes to save him, and the next day, Vijay keeps replaying the phone call in his head. This small incident mushrooms later when Vijay grows up and drifts apart from his father, Ashwini on the other hand acts like nothing happened and doesn't see why his son is so darn angry all day long. This was great writing on Salim n Javed's part because they seem to blur the lines of who's right and wrong. Vijay, who holds that incident against his father and Ashwini, who ignores his son for his duty.
My only quibble: Rakhee as Amitabh's maa? NAHIEE!

Also its good to see the focus on father-son issues rather than the always brilliant but usual dependence on the mother figure. Though Rakhee puts some gray makeup on, she does a brilliant job of trying to mediate between the two men in her life, and another point addressed is how she just accepts that her husband is more focused on his job and neglects his home life and her.
The other woman of the piece is Roma(Smita Patil) who meets Vijay on the train, and then is rescued by him from some thugs!
What health and safety conscious thugs these are!
The nicest and most down-to-earth jodi ever!

Amitabh n Smita have such a easygoing jodi that worked really well here, and their courtship scenes are so wonderful because they are universal and real. The two of them walk home, and awkwardly and flirtaciously get to know each other, this was definitely refreshing to see and though there's a flower n dancing in the trees song later, there is a good progression towards their love, its not "WOAH I LOVE YOU RIGHT THIS MINUTE, LETS SING!!!" Even though its a small supporting role, Smita gives it her all, and her character isn't a usual condescending heroine that begs Vijay to leave his bad world, they live together and have a shotgun wedding but I definitely liked this change!

But getting back to the story, Vijay is jobless till he lands a job with KD, who hires him on the spot at his hotel. KD is a smuggler and this doesn't go down well with Ashwini who goes on a lecture about how Vijay will shame him if accepts the job, and Vijay quite rightly tells him to get lost and of course he's kicked out of the ghar!
WOAH Dilip just pulled out the "Extreme Daddy Issues for Life" card!

Vijay leaves home and is spotted by Roma who lets him live with her! Oooo progressive! Tensions between the two men become increasingly fractured, when Vijay is accused of the murder of some drunk guy that hassled Roma, Ashwini again spares his personal feelings no thought and jails his own innocent son. KD now bails Vijay out and tells him that JK is responsible for this mayhem. And as we all know when Amitabh is named Vijay, he naturally turns into ire personified Vigilante Vijay. I was able to overlook this for a bit, because I understood that Vijay was supremely hurt that JK would humiliate him in front of his father by framing him! And the crucial moment here was that KD was rubbing it in Ashwini's face that Vijay had found a new father figure! BOOOM!

JK now is upset with his former partner KD and Vijay and tries to kill them! Of course this is hilarious because Amrish is in full anger mode and roaring out his lines!
Can you imagine how angry he sounded!
Amitabh doing his amazing leaping about!
KD now thinks of Vijay as his son for saving him, but Vijay has a great line about how the word son has become a gaali or swearword for him. What follows is some amazing drama and face-offs between Dilip and Amitabh.
Good positioning and fabulous actors!

Its usually troublesome to have two amazing actors on screen together in a film, for example who was the sappiest but best in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham or Mashaal with my Anil and Dilip, there's usually a telling scene where one actor goes the extra mile than the other. But in Shakti you have two of the most competent actors ever not competing but just adding to the drama, to make it almost Shakespearian(yes it's OTT but there's so much good acting here!). Dilip, master of the method acting and emotional delivery is stellar as Ashwini Kumar, he makes the character human instead of masala caricature of an egregiously horrid father, when his wife dies and he's crying for her is an example of just how solid a performer Dilip is. We empathize with Ashwini, who's let his career interfere with his relationships and how he's unable to rectify them till the end.
One of the best scenes ever!

Amitabh too imbues such pathos into Vijay, sure people can say its another variation of the many vengeful Vijay's that he's played before. But really you'd be missing the point, this Vijay is more anguished than the Vijay from Zanjeer or the calculating Vijay from Trishul. This Vijay is jaded and bitter and crushed that he can't live up to his father's ideals and instead decides to "act out" in the general sense against his father. But what struck me was how Amitabh played him as strong in pursuing his own identity however opposing from his fathers. In one of the more famous scenes in the film, Vijay tells Roma that his father has two wives, his mum and the law, and that his father loves his "step brother" his pride more than Vijay, and this could be another moment of AB doing his typical angry Sharaabi shtick but it was revealing in his pain and I loved it!

There's a moment from the screencap above, where these two actors just join forces in making this film transcendental. Vijay has been released for a short while to attend his maa's funeral, and he sees his father crying and joins him in mourning. Its these quiet moments where these two titans of the screen play off each other so well, and it makes me love films even more if in one scene with these two can elevate the lousiest film in the world to art, then I'm happy.
The famous drunken sadness scene!

I could be going overboard in my praise but I really haven't seen a film where two actors have just burned the screen by sheer intensity of powerful acting, that too in a dressed down masala film like this. Sure there are astounding moments in arthouse films and middle of the road cinema that can be equally as amazing. But with this film I was just jolted up that this was Amitabh Bachchan and Dilip Kumar both crying and mourning together and facing off together in a normal film like this.

I'll try and recover from all that cinephile gush, perhaps it because I was reading my Bhagwan Francois Truffaut's book on films that made me hyperventilate and spew with praise. ANYWAYS masala films always have stunts or thrills that make your adrenaline somewhat rise up if you're not laughing at the extra who fell over that wasn't even hit. This film has got lots of thrills that are actually good and made me go "Ooo watch out Amitabh!!" or make me go "Woah now thats some action!"Vijay being chased around by a mad tractor! Transformers gone WILD!
Amitabh going all Dirty Vijay on us!

The film was really thrilling towards the end with a chase in the Mumbai Airport, where planes are actually about to take off and Dilip and Amitabh are running around and in between them, very well done!
If Dadamoni is in the film even for a paycheque role, it stills classes up the joint!

Kids, when I like a movie I REALLYY like a movie, and I know everyone's masala intake is different but me I can take it by the tonne-load, but this is a really fabulous film showcasing the two best actors of Bollywood playing off each other very well, and disguising the masala trappings into a really intense narrative.
I leave you with an imploringly wet and sexy Amitabh to beckon you to see the film:
Aaja re aa zara!

Masala Mini Reviews - The I've Been Lazy and University Edition!

2010-09-07T16:32:00.014-07:00

The Filmi Bache Orphanage were furious at my disappearance~

Yes this must have been the longest time I've left the Masala Pradesh unattended, I'm sure there was mayhem abound here. Filmi Bache running loose turning into Vigilante Vijay's and the Anil and Chichi towns having a war at who's the best comedian. So much has happened this summer! I went to London by myself for a couple of weeks before my daddy and sister joined which was nice. I went to AR Rahman's concert in Birmingham, his first after the canceled dates and most importantly I watched 10 trucks worth of films on the glorious ZEE Cinema and STAR Gold channels while keeping my grandma company. I was also internetless at this time and unfortunately my grandma is not the type of friend like y'all to say "WOAH I love Chichi in Khudgarz and look at those jumpers!" Though I was doing lots of chores and duties that I can put on my marriage resume with my time with my gran, I can say that when she was dozing that was ample time to channel hop! Let us commence the Summer rundown!

1. Khudgarz - I absolutely adored this film especially because the above gorgeous young thing! Okay the movie wasn't solely about Chichi and Neelam daring to fall in love wearing absolutely wonderful jumpers and fugly tracksuits. It was about the Khudgarz/Selfish deeds of Jeetendra/Amar and his friend Shatrugan-the Swaggalicious-Sinha/Bihari, two best friends since childhood. I kinda loved the filmi kids back story, with Amar wearing a very funky suit and getting into a fight with early swaggering Bihari, and becoming quick friends and gobbling up ladoos together! But the kid playing Amar gave so much pathos to his character who's been neglected by his rich daddy! Of course disagreements follow when daddy horriblest wants to build a hotel on Bihari's dhaba hotel, and gets Amar to do the bad stuff! All in all a nice masala film abound with misunderstandings, that coulda been explained but ohh well at least we get Neelam and Chichi falling in love!

2. Ek Hi Bhool - It seems that as I think of all the films I saw many of them had Jeetendra, who I do like for his outrageous jumping/dancing skills. I don't know if bopping around and wiggling one's head makes him a 'Jumping Jack' but he definitely knows how to move. There was lots of dancing and being cute. It was directed by Southern king T Rama Rao, who remade many of his Southie films in Bollywood using Jeetendra and Anil's help. This one is ridiculously exploitative of my love for filmi kids, so the one in danger is Master Pinky, who my gran reckoned was Ajay Devgn as a kid, but I doubt it! Master Pinky was on the receiving end of many smacks from his maa Rekha who dumped his dad Jeetendra when he made Ek Hi Bhool/One mistake of lying to her about something silly. What I did enjoy was the middle class setting where the two split up but have to work together in the same office which is ...AWKWARD! Poor Master Pinky wants to get to know this guy who claims he's his daddy and Jeetu and him sing a cute song which goes "Ohh Raju Ohh Daaadddeeee" when they go on a playdate. There's also Shabana Azmi in a wasted role as her friend who keeps urging her to forgive and forget. There's a completely hilarious ending that involves a wedding and a tranny and Rekha using her screeching skills!

Aww Poor Rajni and his pancaked face

3. Andhaa Kanoon - Perhaps one of my favorites of all time! Because it was apparently Rajnikanth's mainstream debut into Bollywood, I may be wrong I read this in the research bible Stardust. Rajnikanth is one of those actors that defies everything about subtle acting and in turns spins on its head and adds a dollop of ishtyle! I think this is the movie is the one that began the Southie and Rajni odyssey for me! Rajni is Vijay Kumar, and y'all know that the name Vijay means one thing VIJILANTE! I'm all for vigilante films because the actors being Vigilante Vijay or Angry Amar or Furious Feroz or Mad Manoj, seriously I'm gonna make a list of angry synonyms. BUT these actors get to stretch their skills in anger and getting me on wronged masala side. Rajni and his feisty cop sister Hema Malini had their parents and family murdered by a trio of the best villains ever: Amrish Puri, Prem Chopra, and hot stuff Danny Denzongpa. And I have to make a note, I was really annoyed by the ammount of pancake on Rajni's face, he looks fine with his dark looks and in some scenes when he was with Hema they just piled it on so that he looked sooo silly. Anyway some more gripes with roping in Amitabh Bachchan here, I'm all for the original vigilante man, but sometimes he looked like he was trying to steal the show from Rajni! Ohh well check it out for Rajni flipping some sunglasses around!

Perhaps the sexiest man I've seen for a while

4. Raavanan - Alright I am soo on board the Vikram train to the best actor award somewhere! I have a disadvantage of seeing this without subs, which does hamper my proper viewing of it, but even without it I just knew that I liked Vikram a lot better than Abhishek(don't kill me Ness). I've known Vikram was a class A actor when I saw Sethu the original Tere Naam on TV once. Here was an actor who could dance around with sass and develop layers to a character like that. Again Salman was excellent but Vikram is in a league of his own. If I go far enough and say that Vikram is a world class actor then that wouldn't be pushing it, because he just is! Raavanan was made all the more better by Vikram embodying the complexities of such a character as Veera. He made Veera a very earthy and sensual character especially his chemistry with Aishwariya was seriously the hottest of the year so far! My gushing is due to Vikram just amazing me with his crazy good acting and it helps if he's the sexiest thing since nutella!

5.Being Cyrus - This was a very conflicting film, at times it was very original in its casting of Saif Ali Khan as the mysterious stranger, and the excellent supporting cast of Dimple, Naseeruddin Shah, Boman Irani and Simone Singh. But it also felt to gimmicky at points with the crazy dream sequences that reminded of 'The Mighty Boosh" skit with Jurgen von Habermaster presenting his batshit film "The Pencil" it was too nutty! Being Cyrus is a one of a kind experimental film that just works because it is so out there and thoughtful. Very film noir with Saif being the calculating Alan Ladd or someone like that.

Keep these family socials away from me!

6. Hum Saath Saath Hai - NAHIEEEEEE is my reaction to this disgustingly saccharine family film with a jumbo cast of Saif, Karisma, Mohnish, Tabu, Salman, Sonali and a cast of thousands as family members. My gran made me sit through this because being an old lady she doesn't like all the dirty bikini offerings and would rather torture her granddaughter with this hogwash! I really can't believe Sooraj Barjatya's made a career out of making solid cheese like this, sure I liked Hum Aapke Hai Kaun once and maybe Maine Pyar Kiya a tad bit, but gosh these large families that go on holiday and honeymoons in the caravan together! Excuse me while I hurl in the corner! If only watch this film for the fabulous vamps Kunika, Jayshree T, and my disco dancing gal Kalpana Iyer, they wreck havoc like nobody's business!

We're bromantic work colleagues!

7. Namak Haram - Now this was the only critics favorite that I watched there, and I kinda wasn't feeling it. Don't get me wrong I love a Hrishikesh Mukherjee film and it was a treat to see some early Angry Young Man growling from Amitabh as the upper crust friend of the chamcha/spoon Rajesh Khanna. Maybe it was my mood, as I did have a late night snack of Coco Pops cereal, but it was all a little bromantic for me! Chi chi chi you say, well apart from the good social points about unions, and unemployment, Amitabh was acting very well but more as a dumped boyfriend than a best mate. A bit of trivia too, this was the film where Rekha and Amitabh met and well ya know the rest!

8.Once Upon A Time in Mumbai - Being a devotee to the Ajay Devgn cult, I naturally loved this film, it was a really fun and thoughtful. They can maintain its not about Haji Mastan or Dawood Ibrahim but if you look properly it really is. But what I'm surprised to say is Emraan Hashmi as Shoaib, the power mad cronie to don was just excellent. He really got into the head of the pyscho, especially in one scene where he bashes someone up and smiles twistedly at his gal Mumtaz(Prachi Desai). Not to say Ajay Devgn wasn't amazing as always, but this time he got to channel his masala roots and be stylish in those safari suits and act very noble. In short, these two actors faced off really well together, and matched each other scene for scene. I also liked Kangna's role as Rehana the Bollywood queen, I don't know who she's based on, but she was very good as Sultan's grounding factor in his life. And may I say Randeep Hooda is another one of the sexiest guys of the year as inspector Agnel Wilson(really digging that name) he was really fun and had some good lines, though my subs didn't indicate so, as one insult was worded "do you want to sit on my leg?" Errrrr okay!

9. Laura - Another Hollywood film noir that was just glorious! This one is the founding father of mysterious femme fatales and Gene Tierney, bless her stiff acting was kinda perfect for that role. Her suitors Vincent Price, Dana Andrews, and Clifton Webb love her because she is so bewitching in some attractive way, and Tierney is so mysterious in this role. Its gots a very creepy vibe with Dana the detective trying to figure out who might have killed Laura but finds himself attracted to her through the stories of the Price and Webb. My god, I seriously wish I had a Walter Winchell-esque columnist like Clifton Webb to take me under his wing, because he is sooooo fabulous and gets the most crackling one-liners ever written! One of the best film noirs ever!

I'll leave it there folks as my mind escapes me when I think of all the half watched film that I flicked past on all those channels! So stick around because I have some Neetu gushing coming up soon! Till then Toofan's eyes of vigilantism beckon you back to the Masala Pradesh

Sridevipalooza! A Quick Outpouring of Pyar for Shrill-Devi!

2010-08-15T05:32:00.001-07:00

This gorgeous woman makes my day!

Sridevi is one of those wonderful actresses who's one of a kind! Though I've been out of the loop for most of the summer, I have still kept up with all these fabulous fan-worship weeks, devising one myself, but Amaluu has made this great week devoted to one of my FAVORITE actresses of the 80's and 90's! So here's a quick snippet of my absolute pyar for Sridevi!

I first caught Sridevi in one of my favorite cracktastic films on Zee Tv, Nagina! One of the many crazy vigilante naag films, and she was fabulous in it, scaring off her saasu maa by being a snake and glaring at everyone in some pretty fantastic contact lenses that I wouldn't mind owning myself on my angry days! But what the film is mainly highlighted for is the most mind-blowing naag dance in the world to me, Vjyantimala move over puhleeze for the queen of the naag dance! This dance made me try and attempt the same dance, which i can to mixed results from my mirror, thank god for the summer holidays and movie long days of dancing about by myself like a nut!
The next thing is Sridevi is just amazing in anything, case in point one of her big hits Chaalbaaz which I caught lazing about in the countryside and being internetless I couldn't scream on Twitter= OMGG I LOVE RAJNI! Ohh well this movie was friggin gold! Sri did a girly Ram aur Shyam including the whipping of some nasty elder! But throughout this film which did have titan Rajni in it, she stole the show with her brilliant comic timing as Manju and maybe she was more frenzied than Dilip as the slightly mad Anju! Sridevi is just so incandescent in this film, moments of her madcap mischief reminded of the excellence of Carole Lombard. Seriously she was so in her element doing a bit of both in this film that she wouldn't be out of place in a screwball comedy like 'His Girl Friday'
Next and lastly, she is a crazy good dancer, as evidenced in Chandni and e very film she ever made! I really loved it when Yash Chopra does those separate montages of his lead heroine proving her mettle in a dance scene, so the woman in white dance that I often copy in Chandni and the hilarious 80's angry number in Lamhe! She is a gal I would pay money to watch in concert just for her dancing!
Sridevi is a gal who just works with my Anil, they made soo many movies together that I watched in my summers with my neighbour Rita, vegetating in front of their antics. I was kinda surprised that she married Anil's less gorgeous brother Boney, but ohh well when I was 7 I damn near expected them to end up together offscreen too! But some of my favorite films of the Anildevi jodi are the flawed classic Lamhe, and some trashier classics like Judaai and Laadla where Sridevi gets to be a bitch and try and steal her rightful owner off other lesser women. Though I loved her in Judaai for being a silly cow who actually sold my Anil off to Urmila, but the cracktastic act was justication enough for me to love it!

This was a very screwball way of emitting my pyar for Sridevi out in my busy holiday in London! If you follow me on Twitter then you'd realize how much I missed a computer like a silly new generation kid would, but this is a nice post to sign on for, for a woman I just adore!

Am I Ladylike? Am I a Girl-Child Stuck in a Time Warp? Yes!

2010-07-13T22:51:00.011-07:00

This is me at a party, all Vijay Vigilante'd and sharaabified!

Tagged by the wonderful Banno, I read Memsaab's honest post and I thought I had to put my own two cents in of course! There are many types of women, but I fall into the fringes of being a gal, I'm just too wacky for people or I'm a museum relic for people to observe. So here for you all,

are the 10 ways of how odd or how absolutely fascinating I am, that obviously fit outside the stereotype of a typical strong yet emotional or irrational woman! Of course being raised as a filmi Youth, there's gonna be tons of filminess and masala to explain what an odd creature I am! Here we go:

Wake up Sid - Story of my life!

1. I'm aimless at the moment! I am going into University with the biggest fears of my life: bigger classes, more people, living in a remote city half the way across my own city of Vancouver! By god, I'm nervous to hell, but unlike other gals and friends I have, I don't know what I want to do with my life right now. I took a journalism course for two terms, flunked the second term with two explosively terrible grades and got sent out. Being out that program is when the aimlessness started, I took a few English courses here and there and of course the usual film courses! But I'm undecided right now when tons of my friends and gals have a path they are slowly carving out, I on the other hand am just starting out and waking up the big wide world! I wouldn't mind teaching film or being a critic but godammit these recession times are awful for journalists, many being fired from their newspapers. Which gives me the aimless feeling of: WHAT THE HELL DO I WANT?

2. I dress absolutely batshit and bonkers! If I see bright colours and patterns then I am sooo picking that up and buying it! This mad wardrobe of mine started of course from Bollywood with the funkadelic "Purab aur Pacchim" where Saira Banu wore the most crazy printed dresses and had the eyeliner that sold me till this day! Those big wings on her eyeliner are usually taken to the extreme by me at times in my youth, sometimes I probably looked like a fancy dress artist at school everyday. But once I saw that film and countless others, I am permanently stuck in the 50's, 60's, and 70's era of funkadelic dressing! This habit definitely costs me as there are two amaazing vintage shops in Vancouver that I always go to, I found my prom dresses there and it certainly burns a whole through my pocket every time I usually have money! This crazy dress style causes many people on the streets, eyes pop and smile or look at me as if I am utterly nuts! But what can I do? Most gals have their own conventional style in this city, either they're a hipster with their pretentious oversized glasses, lumberjack shirts, and skinny jeans or going for the conventional stuff. Hopefully I'm breaking the mold in my own nutso way!

3. I'm too dreamy! This is unfortunately true of me, because I'm extremely impractical and illogical in my thinking. I dream to be President, Ruler of the Masala Universe, Filmi Professor of the Manmohan Desai School of Masala, but it takes me a couple of blunders to get these mad ambitions in order! My maaw, bless her all that nagging and lecturing does go in my ears, stays there for a few ponderous serious minutes, then jumps to the back of the line in my very dreamy head! I want to be soo many things but I am just daydreaming about it and will get to it when i feel like it, which works for me but is unfortunate at times!

4. I'm the laziest git you'll ever meet! I am a lazy bitch that doesn't do the dishes on time, forgets to do the recycling after a week, leaves my clothes all over the room. In short, I can't be arsed to do all these chores. Living away from home this fall, will teach me some pointers on hopefully to avoid this shtick of mine! My laziness also extends to my school where I've messed up a ton of times, ranging from the bad to the catastrophic. This trait of mine is extremely terrible and I can't help but feel like an idiot because the things I haven't done because of this. But slowly like other gals I will get over this! I think I just expect things to fall into my lap without me doing anything which is completely unladylike, I ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO STUFF! Ohh well I'm improving day by day!

Yes I'm just as reckless as Robert Stack in "Written on the Wind"

5. I am gluttonous! I think the two bad kids in "Written on the Wind" were my predecessors, all that bad behavior by Robert Stack and Dorothy Malone is the same alley as mine! I live paycheck to paycheck and impulsively splurge on anything I set my eye on! Unfortunately these are all meaningless things like tons of sweets and food that are devoured feverishly, DVDs that I get cheap but still splurge on, CDs, vintage clothes, There's really nothing to show for it, like most other good gals save their paisa but I take all the paisa out and go crazy with my gluttonous eye!

6. I HOOVER UP FOOD! Yes this another facet of my gluttonous personality, I eat far too much. I'm always reminded of a scene in Merchant-Ivory's "The Householder" with Shashi and Leela Naidu, this summarizing scene is when Shashi is at his boss' place, trying to impress him, while his wife Leela gleefully tucks into all the food laid out, hoovering up all the mitai, getting bad looks from Shashi. THAT IS MEEEE! If I'm out somewhere and there's food then I'm gobbling it all down, receiving bad looks from the 'rents or my friends! I can't help it I LOVE FOOOOD! Especially chocolate, chocolate cake to be specific, and just a few weeks back I got the first slice of the birthday mousse chocolate cake before the bday gal, which made me feel besharam after, but she knew I wanted it first!

If only romance was like that!

7. I'm cynical about pyar! Yes I'll admit this on the World Wide Web, I've had my dil toota by a certain person at my own prom! Yess at my goddamn prom, which sucked and a few other rejections like that followed. For all the Yashraj films I inhale everyday, I know unfortunately that there's no such Raj/Rahul out there that wouldn't mind twirling about in the Swiss mountains or give me an impassioned speech. Unfortunately these few upsets in my life, made me into a grizzled Bette Davis spewing acid lines to the random bartender lol!

8. I'm independent so leave me alone! I really don't like people who are too clingy to me, my friends all know that thankfully and don't hassle me, but when it suits me I'll hassle them till they come and hang with me! I don't like people invading my private time, which is hard when I have my sister off on summer holidays! I don't need your help, and suggestions on things I know or usually I let anyone know when they are getting attached to my hip! I really don't mind doing things for myself like going to the cinema alone, which can be a very transcendental experience between me and that big screen, that is better off without someone else next to me! I go shopping and wandering by myself, and it doesn't feel awkward and weird to be by myself, because I need some me-time before being with friends all the time!

Me on a very bad day!

9.I am moodier than most! Perhaps this is due to me being a touchy Scorpion! But I can sulk for ages and if someone does me wrong I never forget and I used to hold grudges for a while! If you piss me off then I'll become all grizzly and turn into this:

GRRRR Rum the Angry Young Gal!

10. I am passionate about Film! I'm part of a very bad generation of kids that can't appreciate a good Black & White films, which just tears my insides up! Why is it that people can't sit through a "My Man Godfrey" but flock to mindless rubbish "Transformers" I often feel like hitting people who offend my love for film like a few friends of mine, that go "AWW that was so boring!" after seeing Casablanca! I guess after being a filmi kid for soo long I expect others to appreciate the sheer magic of a Hepburn-Grant screwball comedy or the thrills of a James Cagney gangster picture! But any boys out there, if you can sit through all 208 minutes of Seven Samurai and come out with a happier face and a filmi thought, then send me a prem patra right away!

I don't know if I got this assignment right, but these are some of the quirky things about me that just defy the norm in some good ways and bad, but thats me, Masala RUM!

Veer - The New-Age Mard, Full of Handless Trauma and Indian Vikings

2010-07-12T12:27:00.028-07:00

Look at how Gladiator that looks!

Veer first captured my attention from the first look at the zany wardrobe that Salman was sporting, fluffy waistcoat and long ratty hair. But my good judgement prevailed and I didn't waste a few bucks on it, but yet again at my aunty dvdwallah's shop, she had a bad copy of it. But the scene that made me recklessly buy it, was this:

Salman speaking Hindi in a British accent? I am laughing and sold on it!

Salman growling out in English? I buy this dvd!

But before we get to Salman's magnum opus part, we'll get to the prologue with the Pindari clan, who remind me a ton of drunken Vikings with very wardrobe-challenged attire, plus they seem to be vampires too. As every threat Mithun makes in this film seems to be "I VANT TO DRRINK AN ENGLISHMAN'S BLAAD!" or that he'll get his strong spawn Veer to do his bidding. We meet Prithvi(Mithun being a abusive father) who is the main unofficial Viking leader who helps out Gyanendra(Jackie Shroff) in defeating other kingdoms so that they can get their land back as well. BUT OHH NO! Gyanendra betrays them by recruiting the British to help out too, and doesn't give them their land, then a bloodbath ensues!

Mithun showing us the growling that Veer will inherit

Before Jacob n Edward, there was Mithun the Vampire!

Sorry I HAD to have a cap of the over-the-top Pekinpah violence!

If you've recovered from that screencap, then Prithvi decides to slice Jackie's hand off thereby making him into another Handless Syndrome Patient, which includes Prem Chopra's bad man in Kranti and countless others! I mention Sam Pekinpah a ton, because seriously I haven't seen such stylized violence than this film, where blood gushes in slo-mo and full of gratuitous but somehow entertaining carnage onscreen. Prithvi and his clan feel very wronged and work as nomad farmers to eventually get revenge. THE FATEFUL DAY: Veer is born, but unlike other dads who would hug their kids, Prithvi takes his kid out in the barsaat and tries to give him pneumonia!

Easily the nastiest father that ever lived!

Veer grows up into a growling Salman Khan, all buff and raring to kill some bad British people! But first I have to go back to the extremely silly father-son dynamics, they act like friends and all that jazz that pamphlets preach, but still Prithvi and Veer have to try and punch each other about! Completely nuts but there's me again adding my own Psychological two cents!

The constantly growler Veer

The two ogres fighting it out in spectacularly odd time era Ana Singh clothes!

But my favorite part of this movie is the song "Taali" where all these Indian Vikings have a dance party in the most atrocious clothing ever! We also get to see some oldie-friskiness with Neena Gupta and Mithun having more chemistry than Salman and his Kat-clone Zarine Khan!

The family that drinks together, share their Mongolian clothes together

Mithun and Neena turning up the heat!

Mongolian vest, orange corduroys, long hair= Veer, Mard's best friend!

After this fun song, Prithvi sends Veer and his brother Punya(Sohail Khan -best thing in the movie) to London, to learn about their gori ways and their deception skills! In Veer's London there is a very multicultural vibe which is great, to see African students and the unfortunate Fu Man Chu moustache on the Asian students who are in Veer's class! But the scene that sold me above to buy this film is made excellent by this not-British but European actor who made me fall over from laughing with his shite accent!

The additional factor to why I bought this film!

This guy really pisses off Veer who goes on his diatribe of "Jai Bharat Maa JAI!" speech, but at this college too is Yashodhara, the gal Veer saw once when he was robbing a train. Now this is where it gets fun, Zarine Khan looks sooo uncannily like Katrina that its seriously creepy at times where she does Kat's laugh and smizeing routine(if you learnt anything from Tyra, then you should know smizing!). Yashodhara goes to the same school as Veer and they fall in pyar, alas she has two gorgeous brothers who don't like Veer

This is the Katrina-bot, who will take over the world!

This her gorgeous brother, Puru Raajkumar who sounds just like his dad!

Sorry the above shot was a crappy one, but Puru Raajkumar sounds sooo much like his dad, with that grizzly and laconic style. But obviously I wouldn't want to see a whole movie with him, I'd much rather his dad's amazing voice! SQUEAKING OVER: These two brothers make sure they make life hell for Veer and Punya:

Well I wouldn't want my sister going out with someone who wore a 'Raju the tramp' hat like that!

Sohail trying to brighten Salman permanent growling!

One momentous day, Gyanendra visits the school, and Veer finds out who his enemy really is, and the two bad bhais's beat up Punya. This was a really sad moment for me because I shouted at my TV "NOOOOO DON'T HURT SOHAIL!!!" and my sister looked at me with that familiar "My Sister is Batshit" look. But come one it was really sad, because Sohail was acting his heart out here, and hey I don't like to see the refreshing comic sidekick getting the life kicked out of him!

Even Veer doesn't want the only cheerful character to die!

SALMAN MAD! SALMAN KILL EVERYONE! GRRRRRRRRRR!

Salman might as well have said that with the emotive growling he does in this scene where he saves his bhai and kills the two bad princes! Then he vows to take Yashodhara away and marry her, because she totally loves a Viking who kills her brother right in front of her! What comes later is all battle intrigue and lovey-dovey nonsense, growling and more. I'm onto my favorite parts of the film

The New Cockney Bob Christo?

This man is just glorious!

He's even got Bob's nefarious scheming skills

I don't who this guy is but he's called Steve! Steve is the bad English general/dictator that is in cahoots with Jackie's king, but he also wants to destroy India! What a notorious man he is! I just loved this actor, because hes got a Cockney accent and looks completely out of place in this movie, but somehow he just goes along with all the madness! His Hindi's pretty good as well my favorite line being "Hume RHINO ne booolayaa haai!" when he introduces the Melton-wannabe wrestler at the very DharamVeer jousting match! He looks like a right thug but he acts his way into my cracktastic heart!

The Story of the Golden Arm!

Even though he has no hand, Jackie piles on that bling

Jackie explains the immense trauma he feels! And the ecstatic revenge he'll feel after!

Veer master of no subtlety rips off the Golden Arm!

MOST AWKWARD MOMENT I LIVE FOR: CHECK!

Shameful Classics Week comes to a Close! But The Good, the Bad, and the Batshit Week begins!

2010-07-11T17:13:00.003-07:00

Veer was very upset about me going to unhygienic London

Well it was the most glorious week that was ever devoted to all things Shameful and cringe-worthily good! Shameful Classics week was an absolute escapist fun time, where Ness, Kay, Beth, Filmi Girl, BollywoodDeewana, Amaluu, Ajnabi and yours truly aired some dirty laundry of the good trash that wins us over every time! I wanna thank everyone for participating and showing us all the mad things that people would gasp over, but the things you just can't help but love!

In other news, I am off back to the Bharat/London on July 16, so I thought I'd announce The Good, The Bad, and the Batshit Week here at the Masala Pradesh, because I'll be on a long hiatus for most of this summer, and I might as well review the 13 DVDS that the aunty dvdwallah's threw at me with good deals, most of them are pretty classic but I had to indulge in some rubbish and general batshit films! So coming up this week is DISCO DANCER!!! Veer, and many more! So I hope you come back for more mayhem before I depart for London!

IF YOU DON'T COME BACK, SHAITAN SINGH IS GONNA GO TOWN WITH ARM-CHOPPING

Uber-Shameful Classic: Neal n Nikki: Cavorting around in bras and Giving Badnaam to Vancouver!

2010-07-08T19:22:00.016-07:00

Everything is all wrong, Uday but so right in a bad way!

I am a Yashraj fiend, I grew up on those Switzerland fields, those dance moves in the rain, those gorgeous couples rolling about in flowers and Punjabi mustard fields. But Neal n Nikki is the darker dirtier uncle of those such films. NN was filmed in new home of Vancouver and soon-to-be second home of Okanagan. It was made by lackluster director Arjun Sablok, who usually does the promo songs for the Yashraj films like the SUPER HOT Dhoom one with Tata Young. NN is a very bad to you, film but I like it, I didn't say I loved it because it has soo many egregious things in it for example:

Tanisha prancing around my city...in her bra!

This is one of a few crappy things in the film, because it was sooo annoying to watch her walk around all these places I know soo well and dress like a whoooorrrreeee! Like seriously, who walks around like that in any sex comedy, except for the bedroom! Ohh well just one major gripe but let me get to the story!

We meet Neal(Uday Chopra) a man on the prowl, who is very immature and sex-obsessed, and let me say its nice to see a normal hero who is somewhat like the majority of men that age. What I'm trying to say, is we have a hero that is a douchebag looking for his next conquest which is somewhat refreshing in a shameful way! He agrees to an arranged marriage to a gal in India called Sweety who gets her own song, sung hilariously by Sardar with a Guitar Happy (Gaurav Gera)

Scene stealer Sardar with a Guitar!

He is allowed to go to Vancouver for 21 days to have a good time, and yes get laid! I would have normally gone HAI RABBA CHEE CHEE CHEE! But I dunno, something about these hijinks is really funny as Neal meets his first gal Kristy, some supermodel they roped in, when they meet up later Neal encounters the drunken Nikki(Tanisha Mukherjee) who harasses him and impresses him by doing a lap dance in the good song "Halla Re" which features an appearance by Gangster No.1 Abhishek Bachchan! WHich is always a good sign of adding some swagger to the film!

Tanisha yet again in another whorish outfit!

Look at that smouldering man! His only line is offering that gal, "Come on, lets bounce"

After Abhi's lovely swaggering appearance, Nikki starts turning up wherever Neal is, in the middle or about to conquest some bra-clad harpie! Then the two crazy kids decide to go to Whistler to get some action, Whistler of all places is not where one finds action more to look at how awful everyone looks after all that skiing, runny noses, pink faces. This is quite outrageous to me because the director is from Vancouver and if Neal really wanted to find some gals, then he'd go rampaging up Granville Street where all the hoochie clubs are! DUHHHH! ANYWAY, they sing the fun title song, complete with a DDLJ parody that makes me laugh each time because of the irony of having Kajol's sister run through a mustard field in that white salwar-kameez makes me all happy:

Yes that's what Uday still aspires to be!

Ahhh filmi irony, bahut accha!

Yes I laughed all the way to town on this one!

When the two end up in Whistler, Nikki uses Neal to make her ex-boyfriend jealous and of course what ensues is a ton of snogging from the lead couple, but first before "I Hate Luv Storys" there was this shameful cousin with its own sense of cheekiness and snark at taking potshots at the typical love song posturing with the song "I'm in Love"

Who doesn't love a film that pokes fun at the random yellow airplane that love songs always have!

Of course bonus points, for mountain singing done in my own Whistler!

One of the many snogs in this film!

After some silliness and fun, Neal n Nikki end up at silly frat-looking party where they realize they like each other and kiss a ton. Flashforward to the next morning, where two have slept together and this is where it gets kind of better as they wonder what to do and say after that night and not confirming their feelings. There's a sense of realness there which you don't get in unshameful good modern Bollywood films. The two go their separate ways till Nikki turns up at Neal's home as Sweety's cousin. And the two try to fight off their feelings for each other or Nikki does more. Neal makes a bet that she will stop his wedding and blah blah blah!

What I did love about this film is:

This bechara shameful icon

This poor star-sister

I know I'm in the minority of people who like Uday Chopra, but this week unveils my utter love for him as a shameful icon. He is a scion of nepotism being son of romance king Yash Chopra, yet he hasn't made it on his own, which is a testament to how nepotism doesn't work sometimes and even the greatest father/brother/hamster can't help you be a hero. But hell I really like him, he has good comic timing and he's looks alright, not a conventional gorgeous hero, but he has something there that lights up when he's onscreen. OHH MY GOSH I'M ON A DIATRIBE ABOUT UDAY CHOPRA!!!!! Yes I am, but I'm gonna plug him anyhwhere because he is a good actor, a shit Tweeter as Veraciously points out, and a star brat. But I like him and I stick with it!

Onto Tanisha, she is a good enough actress, though maybe she should consider getting a stylist and getting her eyebrows threaded in a better shape, so she doesn't look like a Greta Garbo!

But the two have very good chemistry and its no wonder that they got together after this film wrapped, I don't know if they're still together but they make a nice couple full of screwball squabbles and hot chemistry. And they're snogging looked a bit voyeuristic to look at, but as Hitchcock taught us we all need to look!

For all you Canadians, that's Zain Mehji at the back from Etalk and How To Look Good Naked!

Neal n Nikki is a definite shameful pleasure of mine that varies from "Omg I Love this" to "How Dare She Wear That, GRRR" but check it out if you like a good old sex comedy with some filmi parodying!

Shameful Classic, Toofan Part 2: When A Filmi Kid made me emo and Goga goes to the extremes of villainy!

2010-07-07T10:29:00.024-07:00

This is the power of Jaadugar Shyam, walking on water!

It was a good place to leave off with Part 1, to introduce the mainstay of the movie Toofan, but the filmmakers take a complete detour and take us on a wacky ride with Shyam, Toofan's more enthusiastic and fun bro! This is sometimes okay but even Amitabh Bachchan, actor par excellence, regresses into hamming though he might not admit it, so their are many escapades where he hams royally! But his next hijinck gets him in trouble with his maa, and she ties him up in the bed, so he doesn't do more jaadu! Then a snake comes to him on his bed and we get to a funny but overlong sequence of Amitabh doing cross-eyed and being scared!

Hanging out with the naag

But the main point of this sequence is to introduce the first heroine Radha(Meenakshi Sheshadri) who is a tribal village gal whose naag has gone missing and she summons him away with a fun naagin tune that would make anyone's hands raise up on their head and hips twirl about!

Poor spotty but gorgeous Meenakshi

I just made a potshot of how spotty the poor Meenakshi was, but to be honest it was right there beckoning me to point and I'M EVVVILLL! But thats not nice, Padmini also poor gal had them all over her cheeks. But the camera wasn't very nice to Meenakshi with huge Sergio Leone closeups of her! Bechara! Anyway before my low blow, Shyam and her fall in pyar with some double entendre talk, and soon she invites him to the village to do a song but the best subtitles comes next:

"Come before the fool moon night or we'll be separated!" Nahiee the foolish moon!

Through Shyam's storyline we meet these two: Gopal (Farooq Shaikh) and smouldering girl pickpocket (Amrita Singh)

The two actors who add some sass and class to this product!

Can I just declare how much I loooooove Amrita Singh, she was one of my 80's faves, because she was sooo sassy and had some really sexy chemistry with Amitabh and some more aging heroes. And of course, I hold her highly in my book, because of Aaina, she is a such a bitch but a good bitch! But anyway Pocketmaar Gal(I'll name her as she never had a name) steals Shyam and Gopal's purse to pay for her poor maa's operation!

Well nothing's changed since Aawara eh?

So thankfully in a semi swift Shyam dominated first half, we are introduced to all key characters, but in the biggest plot contrivance that involves Raza Murad as a thief using Shyam jaadu skills to open safes for him and frames him. But another fun subtitle ensues:

This is usually me when I lose Bunty my ipod! WHERE ARE YOU BUNNTY!

In this silly contrivance, Gopal bails him out using his money for selling off his cab, but in another plot device Gopal loses his arms! NAHIEEEE Armless Syndrome affects another Thakur from Sholay, another Raaj Kumar from Mother India, and now Gopal in Toofan. Shyam is rather insensitive and lifts off the cover in the hospital and Farooq is so poignant here just avoiding Amitabh's hammy cryin:

Armless Syndrome afflicts another poor bechara!

Like Raaj Kumar, Gopal is full of shame and goes wandering.

BUT WAIT! SHAITAN SINGH IS BACK! Shaitan is languishing in the jails and behaving like a crazier batshit cousin of mega villain Amrish Puri. One of his harebrained schemes is the most outrageous prison escape I have ever seen, perhaps James Garner, Steve McQueen from "The Great Escape" and other should have taken a leaf out of the "Shaitan Singh Guide to Escaping Prison" which I shall demonstrate:

Step 1: Insert your gleeful smile and set oneself on fire! Protect one's crazy hair!

Step 2: Kill all guards and jump off your Alcatraz-esque prison, avoid the sharks!

Shaitan's escape set in motion, one of the most shameful crying parts of this movie or any movie ever! I feel so besharam for crying! Shaitan comes to the village and decides to have revenge on the man who sold him out, the doctor saab! Doctor saab, has a daughter and son in law Gopal who has come back home from his armless wandering! Shaitan's right-hand man decides to almost rape Gopal's wife, what follows is a shocking Pekinpah-like violent fest, its not too gory but the general hysteria and awful acts committed later are Pekinpah-like in their piling on of all awful and destructive things to happen to Master Javed and Farooq!

Zarina Wahab can't take the Pekinpah violence and jumps in a well!

Master Javed gets headaches from all this dishoom

Armless Syndrome patients can still participate in Pekinpah dishoom!

To be honest, I had a BARSAAT CRY here, I care more for Farooq than Jamie Sanchez being dragged around in "The Wild Bunch"

This is my face after this whole escapade!

YES I CRIED IN TOOFAN! My shame has been aired to the blogging public, it just was soooooo heartbreaking for that poor kid to see his maa die, then his paaw getting dragged about, then he couldn't save his paaw from the well, ohh Master Javed you can come live at the Filmi Bachhe Orphanage like countless other scarred filmi kids!

Another GINORMOUS plot contrivance allows for Toofan and Shyam to switch places, so Shyam as Toofan comes to the village to wreck havoc on the dakus. Shyam is a nice guy enough, to let young Master Javed get some revenge on Zaalim Singh, the right hand man who caused the immense trauma heaped upon the young kid!

You do not wanna get on the bad side of this filmi kid!

I was crying out loud "You go FILMI KID, KICK SOME ASS!" And he really did, he repeated his Nahie lines from the previous harrowing time, but on the kickass side, and growled at Zaalim Singh who he tied up and let the horse drag him away to Shaitan Singh's headquarters!! Gratifying revenge by a kid, check!

Meanwhile, across town there is the actual Toofan as Shyam who is out to get Raza Murad for framing the other guy, and for using Bunty-the-ipod's name to get safes open! Badmaash! But he dresses in this snazzy coin-clad jacket!

Okay new clothing to be searched for, like a vintage Indiana Jones that I am!

The rest of the film gets very mangled, tangled, and convoluted, all in a very shamefully good way that would take ten posts to explain! But suffice to say, the two twins switch apropriate places and Shyam is called upon by his destiny to complete the batshit magic trick that even Houdini and his dad couldn't do! But Toofan fulfills his destiny by killing all the baddies including my much-loved villain Shaitan Singh by doing these stunts:

The mighty jumping skills of long-lost Power Ranger Toofan!

Look at how powerful that Power Ranger weapon is!

Well I hoped you enjoyed the mass trauma of filmi kids, and the shame that was unleashed by me! Toofan is a nice shameful pile of junk that makes me happy on a rainy day because the infinite reasons why I should be ashamed to own this are the ones why I keep returning!

Shameful Classic No.2 - Toofan: Part 1 - Where Filmi Bacche Grabbed my Heartstrings, and Made Me Emo!

2010-07-05T10:18:00.017-07:00

Are You Ready for all this Batshitness and Shame?

I have to thank the aunty dvdwallah for stocking many of the shameful films I own during this week, she sold many Shemaroo 4-in-1 packs to me when I was a bad student who had early classes on Thursdays, by 12.30 I was down the street and in the shop! Very bad, but not really otherwise how could I talk about the glory of this craaaaazy film. As usual in my childhood, I saw this once and was scarred for life when Goga Kapoor perpetrated many gory acts on people in this film. But many years later I had to laugh at the sheer stupidness that I have grown to love in my shameful festering heart full of bad films like these! But onwards we go to Toofan which I've revisited after soo long because of hiding behind all the good classics on my dvd shelf! We start off with a long convoluted prologue of Inspector Hanuman Prasad(Pran) who is a good honest cop trying to stop the most amazing villain ever created Shaitan Singh(Goga Kapoor) Here is the glorious man:

Goga Kapoor looking the like the monster from Jaani Dushman!

We also meet Ramesh Deo playing a magician with a hugely pregnant wife Sushma Seth, who naturally falls down some stairs and loses her kid and another masala device is used, Hanuman's wife had twins so he gives one kid to Ramesh!

This is bad news all around!

Daku Shaitan Singh is a very bad man, stealing gold and working with Hanuman's superior ACP Sharma(Kamal Kapoor) who then stitches Hanuman up for not capturing Shaitan and for being a generally bad officer which he isn't. The right hand man is shot by Shaitan and calls Hanuman before he dies, and nasty father Hanuman leaves his son Toofan with a fever to reclaim his honour not before writing out all the wrongdoing on a piece of slate......which a grown Toofan keeps referring to throughout the film! You can see the shame just oozing out of this and my ashamed but happy face while watching this! Onwards, Hanuman is now stalking Shaitan Singh who is on the train escaping, this proves to be one of the most entertaining parts of the film, the part I was usually scared of before.

And of course Shaitan is willing to be without a hand

Shaitan's old hand just cramped his style!

Of course, Hanuman dies and Toofan the kid vows to take revenge, FIRST I must apologize for going on for soooooooo long because this is the most convoluted film in the Desai canon, but its the prologue that made me all invested in what happened to aging Amitabh later, and its full of all the shame! So little Toofan(Master Makrand - outstanding filmi baccha) goes to avenge his dad at the police station with the handy piece of slate that has Sharma's name but SHOCK! HORROR! DOUBLE NAHIEEE! it hasn't got Shaitan's name!! Sharma chucks Toofan on his ear, to which made me all sad because Master Makrand is the best actor at crying! But he goes to the local mandir, where the divine light shines on him and this cracked out hilarity ensues:

Toofan becomes the chosen one!

The good Lord gives Toofan, the Power Ranger arrows kit!

He's all Vigilante'd up and ready to annihilate all evil men!

I must mention that I love these filmi kids they were the absolute reason why I loved this shameful piece of good nonsense! These kids were just so affecting and sweet which is why these brats rendered me helpless to all their crying and emo pain! Across town, Shyam(Master Amit) is living the good life with his jadugar daddy and maa, but this all until Daddy dearest decides to pull a very silly stunt that probably even Houdini couldn't do. He locks himself in a box all chained up and must make his way out in a minute or so?!

Of course he isn't gonna die if everyone else has!

One son is a Power Ranger man, the other a magician! What a family!

ACTUAL STORYLINE BEGINS NOW: After The longest prologue ever imagined by the Desai crew, the action starts happening! I think obviously Ketan Desai didn't learn from his dad that Manmohan's prologue's were usually short and succinct! Ohh well at least it gave me the weepy kids, anyway the kids are grown up to be egregiously aging Amitabh! But Amitabh as Toofan is a bit better than him mugging about as Shyam, so we meet Toofan. He makes a spectacular entrance stolen from the more gorgeous entry of Omar Sharif in Lawrence of Arabia, Toofan comes riding onto the screen as a very visible man on a horse instead of the splendid speck Omar was. Ohh well, its just one gripe I had, no need to imitate David Lean in a masala film, I just want my masala!

GRRRRRR you ain't no Lean, Ketan Desai!

Amitabh does the most snarling he's ever done, and he isn't even called Vijay Vigilante!

We are treated to a good fight scene with Toofan using his Power Ranger arrow weapon, which makes the most hilarious SHOOOW sound that is straight out of a cartoon! I think I just died at that point because I watched this late at night which is my wrong time to laugh aloud! But I did anyway how could I not with the next sequence. Toofan rescues a wedding party, but when fighting one baddie we get a glimpse of the dolly which is soooooo funny!

These are the wronged eyes of Toofan

Look at that dolly in the frame! Very Besharam already!

And good daku's not beating people up but stealing the silverware!

Alright kids, this is installment 1 of the Toofan brigade, part 2 will follow tomorrow. Full of shameful crying from me at the hands of filmi baccha Master Javed, more body parts cut, and Pekinpah style gore! Hope you like this post, because I feel everyone should own at least one bakwaas but shamefully good AMitabh film like this! I leave you with this:

Crazy Amitabh wants you to come back tomorrow in his lane!

Shameful Classic No. 1 - Radio, when Himesh turned into a Shameful Icon!

2010-07-04T13:22:00.012-07:00

This Man is Lovely

I thought I'd start off Shameful Classic/Pleasures Week with the film that spawned the week. I was sitting on the bus listening to my ipod when it shuffled onto the songs of Radio, which got me thinking that I really LOVED the movie that had such nice songs and with a very pleasant Himesh Reshmmiya. In many ways this is a shameful thing simply, because it stars HIMESH! The media definitely doesn't like him, they hated KARZZZZZZZZZ, which I agree with, but the keep slinging mud at him for being a crappy singer, a plagiarizing music director, and a man with too many hats!
BUT as usual I am in the minority of people who adore Himesh, for the many hats we could count in his first film Aap Ka Suroor, the many hair flips done in Karzzzzzzzzzz, and the stiff acting in both! However, Radio is a great film to showcase Himesh with a makeover, he apparently had a nose operation to get rid "OWWWOWWW" nasal sound from his voice, and it definitely shows when he croons in the songs in this film, its more soulful and affecting than perhaps to others grating and less like needles attacking your eardrums! AND he's got a haircut, none of the 70's or girly looking fringe flip that he usually had, its cut nicely!

Himesh is above all this gyrating around him!

Radio is a nice little film, that no one liked because its ridiculous characters and filmi storyline, but Hey I though it was Shameful Classic No.1! It is messed up if you watch it the first time round but if your like me and you watch things far too much then you'll end up liking it...maybe this is a Shameful kinda thing to admit you love a 2 hour film of Himesh being sulky and acting all screwy in his relationships!

So we start with RJ Vivan (Himesh, yaaay!) who is recently divorced from his wife Pooja(Sonal Sehgal) who felt they had ego clashes and weren't compatible. Vivan tells us his life's sob story using chapters, which made go Awww post-modern film techniques YAAAY! Then we also meet Shanaya(Shenaz Treasurywala, do I need to name myself Rum Maslawallah after this, YESS!) who Vivan meets through a series of unfortunate events!

The very caffeinated Shenaz!

This is quite nuts, but Shenaz reminded me a lot of a supremely bubbly Neetu Singh, she was bubbles galore and she can really cry well and I think she lifted this pot of shame to a better level. Shanaya and Vivan start hanging out, which we see with another postmodern film technique of photo-editing the scene together, which made another YAAAY escape from my mouth! Shanaya loves Vivan, but waits for him to stop moping about in a Himesh like way, which includes the famous stare into to space-n-it'll look like acting, but this time it worked! On the other hand, Pooja is feeling all lonely and acts rude to Shanaya when they first meet, but ohh she regrets the divorce now:

AWW the pagali wants to feed imaginary Himesh

And harasses him about his physical intimacy issues! LOL

Pooja generally acts like a bitch throughout this on first viewing, but the thing about watching Radio for the millionth time yesterday, I realized that each time you could invest your time into these characters and use your own psychology to wonder why they do such stupid things, which altogether admitting that puts my BESHARAMNESS TO A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE! Yes I cringed when I wrote that sentence, but Heck i devised this week, I just felt that Pooja was acting out to get some attention from Vivan because perhaps she hadn't been with anyone since then and pulling him back in made her feel like she still got some pizazz! END OF PYSCHOLOGY!

NOT FOR LONG! Then we witness a number of egregiously awkward moments where Shanaya senses Vivan still has a spot for Pooja and just hangs about like a third wheel to get them back together. Such as when she suggest that Pooja helps choreograph Vivan's new album, there's whole long backstory that takes too long to explain but Shanaya is Vivan's co-RJ that the masses love blah blah!

Most Awkward Moment No.1

The trio go out for dinner, Shanaya asks cringing questions

Then they break plates in a restaurant!

Then Shanaya asks more cringing questions in a scene full of awkward positioning!

Basically guys, I live for these awkward moments! Psychology time again, Shanaya is doing filmi-sacrifice on the surface, but really she sends him back into Pooja's arms because he can in a very long-winded way find out that he loves her! Vivan too is ambling about like a lamb, here to there between both gals and making both create silly but entertaining romantic situations! He also gains a family with Shanaya's crazy lot that thinks he's the soon-to-be son in law! But of course Shanaya's machinations all worked and he came flocking back to her in a MOST AWKWARD CAMERA ANGLE EVER?!!!!

Well as you can see, this is why I'm ashamed!

All in all, this a shameful classic because it allowed me to develop my own besharam thoughts as to why these characters did such crazy-ass things that could have been solved in 10 minutes! But heck I like adding my own Freudian two cents to anything as you'll see in tomorrows Batshit Classic: Toofan! But I really liked this movie for its very modern cinematography and because it made Himesh a very endearing actor, as he's improved a ton from his bakwaas Monty and this was a good performance, anyone agree? (crickets chirp in the background) OKAY I know I'm the minority who loves Himesh and his earlier "OHHHWWWW" twang.

Reast assured theres no OWWWHHH moments in the soundtrack because the music is just brilliant, and I don't say it as shameful brilliant, seriously I want you to take a listen because Himesh's nose op might have worked for giving him more tenderness and emotion to that nice voice of his! And please someone sign up Shenaz because she is just fabulous, soo caffeinated and spontaneous I love her!

I'm glad I got this Besharam out of my chest because I'd just be nattering on to my sister and friends how much I love Himesh and this nice movie! Hope you enjoyed this ramble of love for a Shameful Icon, and his lovely film!

HE WANTS YOUR LOVE! LOOK AT THOSE YEARNING EYES!

Deewana Mastana - Ohh How I Loved the Nineties

2010-06-28T09:59:00.008-07:00

Is that the sound of sheer comedic greatness or my heart breaking?

Well I am one of the nonsense people that had to use that Casablanca line to equate it to this gem of a film! I had complained on Twitter that I couldn't find this anywhere in my house, I searched my dvds everywhere only till yesterday did I realize like an 'ulu ka pattha' that it was on the shelf the whole time right at the back! DUHHHH! But better late than never, so here is my belated Chichi post!

Dedication to Masala King, Manmohan Desai!

I first saw Deewana Mastana, when it first came out in 1997, I was a wee 7 year old then but as with me I remember silly bits of films rather than my own homework and exam questions. But ohh well thats another "Wake Up Rum" post, but this film was definitely gathering dust in my head till I found it at the cheapo shop with a nice auntydvdwallah, offering amazing deals for addicts like me! But back to Deewana Mastana, which is one of my favorite comedies EVER!

This movie is excellent solely for this man and his sunglasses collection!

Deewana Mastana was a wonderful experience for simply being a blast from the past romp through the 90's conventions of a David Dhawan comedy. I have never laughed so hard, well since last week with Partner, but it was a hearty laughter! But this is me fawning over it, but I just got that feeling rushing back to me to confirm why I love 90's films and why I obviously LOOOOVE Anil and Chichi. But as I'll show why this film is a chocolate cake for me!

We meet Raja(Anil Kapoor) and Gafoor(Johnny Lever) two crooks who sell black market train tickets, they hit the big time when they steal the loot of a corrupt cop, and they decide to go to Mumbai! At the airport Raja spots Neha, a gorgeous gal and falls in love!

Awww Anil on the conveyor belt of pyar
Raja sends Gafoor to check out who this gal is, Neha is a psychiatrist so Raja makes Gafoor play mad so he can meet her, what I love about this film is how Johnny Lever is tolerable, usually he played stupid parts that went on for too long in other films but here as a comic sidekick, he just works because he gets a good showcase of his talent and has good chemistry with Anil.

On the other side of town, we meet a fabulous Chichi as Bunnu, a very nervous guy full of phobias of fire, water, and heights, in a hilarious introduction scene we meet Chichi who's dad(Anupam Kher) is forcing him to go swimming, and YOU KNOW WHAT THIS CALLS FOR?

Chichi in some chuddis!

I think I just collapsed at this point!

Chichi loves his Paaw!

I know this is a comedy to display Anil and Chichi's comic appeal, but in the scenes where Bunnu hyperventilates Chichi acts wonderfully, even if its played for comedy, but it put me into a right AWWWWW cho chweet when he goes, "No, no noo!" Apart from all this, Bunnu goes to see Dr.Neha who consoles him and helps him out, another good scene of Chichi being semi serious when he explains his phobias!

Bunnu takes up all Neha's time, leaving Raja in the lurch and angry to find out who this meddlesome Bunnu is, not before singing a cute song, "Tere Bina Dil, Kya Karoon" which exemplifies why I loved the 90's way of movie making.

Full of mustard fields and lovely typical Anil posturing

And Chichi doing his dancing on a log truck...in Switzerland of course!

After this song Neha goes home to see her uncle(Shakti Kapoor) and his fiancée who've run off together, so Neha decides to get them married and cancels all her appointments including paranoid Bunnu! She tells her secretary not to reveal her location, but the two guys in another tradition play dressup as policemen, Raja and Gafoor from Haryana, which is hilarious as they lay the Punjabi accent on thick, and Chichi as the Police Commision of Maharashtra!

Loving Anil's bumpkin cut!

Ohh Chichi, you make my day!

They both land up in Ooty where Neha is, Raja on the pretense of buying a hotel and Bunnu who pretends to have attempted suicide, but this makes me happy inside because of the sheer fugliness of that goes on in these 90's days!

Anil has a trend to wear garish shirts with chains on them throughout this film!

Juhi sporting that waistcoat trend and ANil with his chain patterned scarf!

The two lovelorn men get to know eachother and proceed in a game of one oneupmanship to win Neha's heart, and Bunnu wises up to the many attempts on his life by Raja and steps it by adjusting Raja's motorbike, and he later lands in the hospital! Bunnu also is feeling very revitalized and normal, and unafraid of his phobias. And we get a funny rap from Govinda, who exercises all his fast dialogue delivery for this one, its really chuckle worthy to see Reema Lagoo and Anupam Kher almost cracking up during this. This crazy rap definitely reminded me of Donald 'O Connor craaazy dance in "Singin in the Rain" as Chichi does a million backflips and just generally impresses the heck out of me!

Chichi going that extra mile to impress me!

I leave it there and I hope you watch it because it is seriously a winner of a film, now onto something completely different!

The jodi! Anil and Chichi have the most cracking rapport with each other throughout this film, it reminded of the many Bob Hope and Bing Crosby on the "Road to anywhere Exotic" films, because with these two guys there is an easy repartee but a definite rivalry where they flex their own comedy in a very tongue-in-cheek way, that is both endearing as it is hilarious to watch. They both have different comedy stylings, where Anil seems more of a subtle comic performer and Chichi, well he's in his own league, he's in your face and full of mannerism and that amaazing screwball comedy way of zipping off his line, that wouldn't seem out of place in Hepburn-Grant film! And of course I must mention the wicked moments where Chichi and ANil take the piss out of their respective roles and do impressions of other actors, especially in moments where they tussle verbally over Neha, for example Raja and Bunnu get into a petty fight with dialogues like "Mein Coolie lagtha?" "Mein Loafer lagtha?" which deserves special mention because Anees Bazmee wrote the story, and we can see his penchant for self-referencing that comes up in Welcome and "Singh is Kinng" and all his other films!

My new favorite Jodi!

Looking back on this film makes me go "AWWWW the 90's!" and Deewana Mastana is a perfect example of a quintessential 90's films with its comedy style of having two heroes face off with each other, but for me it goes beyond all the usual trappings because of the absolutely excellent casting of the two heroes and the just general fun it is to see these two opposing comedic performances foiling against each other.

And of course the film holds together well because David Dhawan directed it, and I watched most of his films in my childhood and watching them at my age now, some of them hold up quite well, especially the absolutely nuts No.1 films that i was fed at a young age!

But I COULDN'T FORGET SOME CHUDDIS COULD I? Alas despite being 19, with this film David Dhawan seems to be asking me, "Rum do you think I could disappoint you without Chuddi clad Chichi and glorious closeups of your Anil?"

Perhaps Neha will be impressed by Chichi's chuddis

Or maybe David wants me to buy these Ray Bans?

Definitely check out Deewana Mastana for the two gorgeous men sparring in hilarious fashion, or to revel in all the fugliness that these kids wore back then!

Shameful Classics Week - Unloading all that Good Trash!

2010-06-21T15:07:00.007-07:00

Govinda questions my sanity for devising this week

There was Khanna-o-Rama, there was Chichi Week, and to prolong the general batshitness that has come with that, the Masala Pradesh launches: Shameful Classics Week! I thought of this week when I was reading the many Chichi posts at Ness' site and at Totally Filmi and everywhere that had some absolutely crazy film that Chichi or a Khanna did! However mental or just plain terrible these films were, there was a nugget of goodness that makes people flock back to it. I'll also add when looking through and sorting out my DVD collection I realized that the films usually fell into the Good, The Batshit, and The Nutty, and usually I return to the latter two! I was thinking from July 5-12. A full 7 days of unloading all the trash that I bought in

hedonistic splurges at the dvd shops, which were terribly located just a street down from my former college!

Can you feel the trash coming on? Amitabh as a super-Vijalante called Toofan!

When choosing some of the trash in your DVD collections, then please go all out and share your Kahani of loving something that bad or that good in your opinion. In my collection I have waaaay too much Amitabh rubbish from the 80's that are just so disgraceful but wicked that even my family question my career choice of recommending films for a living. Actors as we know do some good roles and some terrible ones and it seems to be the awful ones that I love, so I'm gonna dig out some nonsense films some of our faves have made, but want to hide!

But one has to indulge in all the rubbish that makes an afternoon a lot happier for watching something as awful as Toofan! If you want more Z-grade films then look no further than Todd, whose reviews of some mad films make me buy some of the goodness that I've accumulated, especially doggie classic Teri Meherbaniyan!!! Shameful Classics are not limited to films only, if there's a wonderfully trashy song or even Hollywood film that you love then share it! And how shameful it is then I leave that to you, because I feel ashamed of many things that others find lovely!

So I leave you with some screencaps of what shall await you at the Masala Pradesh!

Amitabh yet again as a tin-foil shoulder shaking super-Vigilante!

Look at that mustachioed dummy and that man to go with it!

So happy pickings! And I promise this will be a week to embarrass all our favorite stars in some of their most award winning endering roles!

Partner - Parodies + Bromance + Chichi dancing = My Heaven

2010-06-15T22:40:00.020-07:00

Wherever there's a Bromance with Chichi, then you know I'm gonna adore it!

David Dhawan and Govinda since the beginning of their outings have always appealed to me, especially if you revisit my early love for Chichi I started with my gutter mind with Raja Babu and Coolie No.1. But I immediately flocked to Partner because the two great vulgar men of my childhood were reunited, that too with a kinda cute Salman. And to say I got my paisa vasool is an understatement, it was more than that, it was a triumphant return of both Chichi, who I

valiantly watched in his turd films which were released after he was in politics and David Dhawan, with his many repetitive silly films that lacked the pizazz they had with Chichi. Partner is nice little film that indulges all the nutty things I love, Chichi in some vulgar joke, Salman returning to his 90's days and ripping off his shirt and much more! And so it goes!

Loving the ironic pairing right there!

Partner is a much better version of Hitch, simply because Kevin James can get lost because he is no Chichi and as much as I love Will Smith, he is no strutting shirtless Salman. So we start with Prem(Salman Khan) who introduces himself and his profession of being a love guru to many hapless men that we meet in the prologue. What I laughed at already was Salman weird American twang, where he rolls his rrrr's or enunciates in his best conviction of an accent with "nerrrrvuusss" "stuppid" awww Sallu, I like you with your plain old accent! Anyways we meet Bhaskar(Chichi!!!!) who is madly in love with his boss Gorgeous Gal(Katrina Kaif, can't remember her name, but she looked lovely and smiley) and seeks Prem's help. Prem rebuffs him

saying its impossible for a Chichi to attract her, so Chichi follows him all the way to Phuket, and a lot of unecessary stuff goes on, where in every comedy film these days has to showcase some crazy stunt, this time its Prem being chased by a rocket on a jet ski! Ohh well thats my only

gripe, after some convolutions Prem agrees to help Bhaskar

And one of my fave jodis is created!

I really love this Salman and Chichi jodi in this film, because they've got such chemistry that goes well with Chichi's zaniness and Sallu's cool straight man attitude, and though I really love the Sanjay-Chichi jodi, this Partner duo really rivals them, because sometimes Sanjay was too stoic as the straight man. But Salman has a ball here next to Chichi and its funny to see him almost

cracking up in some scenes, and they start off with a love-hate relationship which obviously culminates into my favorite type of chemistry: Bromance! Salman eventually turns out to liking Bhaskar no matter how much he annoys him, and thats what I like to see!

Back to the story, Prem instructs Bhaskar to get some more confidence in him to impress Gorgeous Gal, but of course a bawdy joke is never too far from a David-Chichi outing:

Chichi and a Bawdy joke are just destined!

And thats where I regress into my 6 year old self and hoot with laughter too loud and enough to wake up the neighbours! A toilet joke and Chichi get on like a house on fire with me, and so Chichi walks to work in his chuddis for too short a time! And then he impresses Gorgeous Gal by advising her to not listen to her Yes men.

And the dialogues throughout this film are like listening to a very funny version of nonsensical rhyme verse, especially the hilarious part where Chichi tells the yes men "Who are you to yell that I'm talking hell? I'm not hell, I'm talking well. And if we don't gel, then you can go to hell!" Well with dialogue as inane and rapidly delivered in Chichi's screwball style, then this movie ranks high on my list as Chichi GOLD! Its the hilarious opposite to the verse dialogues of Heer

Ranjha, instead of eloquence, we get crazy lines that just cement why I love David and Chichi outings!

But the entire story belongs to Chichi's arc, I could care less for Sallu's boring romance with Lara Dutta, who licks her lips and pulls too many nutty faces, but the kid Rohan just steals the show from both of them whenever he's onscreen, especially the scene where he's beating up bigger kids in his playground! Master Ali Haji is going to the Masala Youth: Filmi Bachhe Home pronto, he's so cute and much better than the brat he was in Fanaa.

Parody Time!

But one of the best scenes in the films is when Chichi parodies his own naach skillage, and any mention of the infamous "Sarkay Liyo Khatiya" dance is just a winner for me! Its soo funny to see Chichi spoofing his vulgar image from the notorious pelvis thrusts that he exploded with and his general agility to impress everyone with his crazy dance moves! I can't resist a self-referential moment so I just loved the dance-off between Chichi and Salman, who does the moves from "Just Chill" which look equally dirty (Just what is he winding up with his left hand? And what is he tapping in that signature move?) But its a glorious scene that was worth the watch!

Well as we noticed for the last 20 odd years, Chichi's mad dancing is in another league!

Awww Chichi you won me over just by that reference!

The priceless dance-off!

An of the best scenes in the whole film is the parody of Aamir Khan, when Prem and Rohan the kid go to the cinema and I laughed my socks off in this scene, actually I fell off my chair, but this made me love the film even more! The guy who plays Aamir just nails the voice and mannerisms which made "Sweety se pyar, Sweety se unlimited pyar, Sweety se pyar" part of my lexicon when trying to annoy my folks or my sister! Gawsh I just loove this scene!

And one of the more tolerable parody points was Rajpal Yadav spoofing Shahrukh's new age Don, Rajpal is always popping in the more recent David Dhawan films and my goodness he's a much funnier substitute for Johnny Lever! His comic sideplot was great fun and didn't feel too intrusive on the story!

You didn't think I'd forget the Bromance, did you?

We've got the bawdy 80's and the Kantabhen naughtiness to thank for the influx of gay jokes, and I'm afraid I can't hold off some Bromantic action and tension, but Partner took it to a naughty ribald high which I smirked and hooted at, in the form of Gorgeous Gal's pal Kiran, dressed in another parody outfit of Don, complete with Shah Rukh's crazy blazer and hair! Chichi proceeds to charm Kiran as Prem instructed him to compliment the gal's friend! One of the wittiest lines was when Chichi asked if Kiran liked cricket, to which he answered, "Ohhh I just loove cricket, 11 men after one ball!" which was sooooo priceless! Even the line where he sings the song "Aadmi se Aadmi se pyar karta!" Chichi later gets in on the act, by posing as a gay wedding planner trying to stop Gorgeous Gal's forced marriage! If I was guffawing at the homoerotic tension in Housefull, then Sajid Khan learnt from the master of Bromantic naughtiness David Dhawan, ever since the early days!

Ohh Chichi, you make my bromantic day!

Partner is one of my favorite Chichi films that he's made recently, full of witty and ribald dialogues and freaking fabulous Chichi! Its much better than his quick money grabbers like the shite Money Hai Toh Honey Hai or their downright awful delayed films that crawl out of the woodworks. Here's to a great new jodi that I hope some director like David Dhawan signs up!

Chichi/Govinda aur Rum: A Childhood Affair that began at No.1

2010-06-14T16:38:00.009-07:00

Could I resist a smiley goat-worshipping man like this? NO

One of the best star devoted weeks is Govinda/Chichi week, and of course I had to do an aimless ramble post on Chichi, because when it comes to him, I am all rambles! So here's a detailing illustrious epic of how I fell in love with Chichi since I was 6 and of course with the No.1 series! But if you're looking for a more informative and funny version of who Chichi is, go to Ness's wicked post.

Chichi first came into my life when I saw Coolie No.1, here was this abolutely ape young man who was hilariously slapstick as well as laying on the cheese and the innuendo! But what instantly appealed to me in my already Bollywood indoctrinated mind was how CUTE he was! What a lovely smile he had, and a sucker like me always goes for nice dental history when some hero smiles and he had those shining pearly whites and of course the rest is history!

This here is one of the songs from Coolie No.1 that was in constant play at my house or on the TV anywhere. But this just cemented my love for Chichi simply because he's frolicing around with various foods, but just look at the dancing and that fabulous turd-coloured jeans. More importantly the fascination with the food in this song just makes a foodie like me happy especially the funny "Maine bhel puri kah raha tha" with a nice little gimmicky flip about. and Karisma's enamoured face at his flipping skills. This song always brings back memories of me imitating the dance moves in the living room, and again me dancing to it when no one's at home and when the curtains are drawn at this age and in this long hot summer!
Chichi and food go together well, and I am going elevate Chichi to a level of cinephile nonsense that only an earnest person like I can. Chichi's food references in his songs such as my all time favorite song, "You are My Chicken Fry" which is from Rock Dancer, which I cannot find anywhere on youtube but I remember Govinda tucking into the many food items listed. But its quite like that of Hitchcock who mentions food when talking of death, and food for Chichi is mentioned whenever he's in a happy mood or in lover, so food becomes a symbol of Chichi's contentment of throwing pelvis thrusts directed at his gal Karisma while enjoying a nice snack! End of pretentious cinephile comment!

What I learnt from the No.1 Movies

1. That I am a shameless adorer of Govinda in drag!
There is something wonderful whenever Govinda gets in drag, he pulls off the feminine walk and looks pretty sassy in Coolie No.1 and quite spunky in Aunty No.1, which is absolutely has no contest over Kamal Hassan's Chachi 420 which came out at the same time! But in Aunty No.1 there was more slapstick which I was hooting about, but more Kader Khan who I really hate in most Govinda films! But drag looks good on Chichi, and if ever his political or acting films then he has a good career ahead of him as a tranny!

2.Govinda brings innuendo back!
Innuendo is an inherited trait for dirty minds such as mine, but I blame it one Chichi for doing that to me! Yes I have revisited many of the No.1 films and other films which I used to watch all summer, and my goodness what a dirty but brilliant man Chichi and his team of writers are! David Dhawan and Chichi were both criticized for being lewd and just downright dirrrty, but its not Chichi's fault that he needed to do a pelvis thrust to drive away baddies or entrance a Raveena or a Karisma to be his gal. It just so happened that Chichi was the leading pelvis thruster since the momentous song below that made mind go to the gutter. I'm sorry I can't help but love something that bawdy with jumping about with a pillow not in the right place, and a randy Karisma who's libido is calling for Chichi as she begins the songs! Ohhh Chichi you make me so happy to revisit all this raunchiness at an older age!!! Perhaps too was Govinda's sleazy but sweet delivery of many a naughty and bawdy line!

As evidence I present you Sarkay Liyo Khatiya

3. Chichi Loves Bromance!

Chichi is a nice guy who doesn't mind sharing some of his comic time with some suitable straight men to his zany antics. The first bromantic outing for me was Haseena Maan Jayegi, a Chichi-Sanjay Dutt starrer, which was epically good, because the two guys loved hugging each other not to the maximum Qurbani effect but still many hugs were shared, including a really stupid but funny then storyline with two fluffy Pomeranian doggies that were in love and always kept apart but reunited with Shahrukh songs! Who am i kidding I still love an idiotic animal love sub plot.

But the jodi I like best was Salman-Chici in only Partner so far, which was really fun, and a much better version of Hitch than Will Smith made, because Kevin James pahh on that Govinda is the better man. But the two had a cute chemistry and had nice little dance off that were excellent!

Yes this was a long winded ramble about Chichi, who I just downright love since I was 6, though he hasn't charmed me since i was two like my sabse favorite Anil Kapoor, he's still contributed a lot by acting out my perverse desires such as Chichi in drag and the outpouring of innuendo, so thank you Chichi for producing a mind like mine!

Chandni - The Injustices of Leaving Behind a Hot Khanna for a Wimpy Rishi

2010-06-03T14:14:00.017-07:00

Would you hurt such an emotional like this?

As mentioned in my mini reviews post, Chandni was the first movie to start my overblown fantasies of love, because yet again, I watched it at a tooo young age. But as a tiny bit mature 19 year old, I can appreciate all the Switzerland canoodling but I just can't forgive Chandni leaving behind Hot Papa Khanna! Yes Yash Chopra, you are the king of romance, but you never justify properly why the third love interest has to thrown out in the rain! For example, Dil Toh Pagal Hai, Karisma was soo much better than Madhuri and danced the Shiamak moves much more enthusiastically with all that awful gym wear too!

Anyway back to Chandni, so this is the awful gal:

The story really for me begins when Vinod enters the scene, but Chandni meets Rohit(Rishi Kapoor) at a wedding, where she does the usual Yash Raj routine showcase of the lovely heroine, in Sridevi's case its all dancing which is fabulous because she makes me want to dance, and I usually do, with no one in the house, to "Mere Haathon Mein Nau Choodiyan" But first off I must say that Rishi is a bit creepy persistent, unlike his persistent cute uncle Shammi, Rishi instead cements that whole stalking love thing that emerged in the 90's. Rishi surprises Chandni at his house by inviting her in a room where all her pictures are around. If it was me, I'd dart out there fast enough, but noo Chandni falls for Rishi and sings some more lovely songs. Then the two get married, Chandni is met with the usual 80's tradition of 2 shrews who hate her, so her maa-in-law and sister-in-law, but there's always Sympathetic Man Anupam Kher, who tells her to just ignore them! Nice advice when they screech at her and throw her food on the floor.

But the key scene is when Rohit in a very romantic gesture I think, throws rose petals at Chandni from a helicopter, then seconds late Sympathetic Man calls to say Rohit fell out of the plane, I laughed soo hard here, I'm awful I know but where did he get that info from so quick! So Chandni the good dutiful wife sticks around with now wheelchair-bound Rohit who mopes around, she even sings a song for him. But this is generally Rohit's face:

Would you choose this scruffbag over Vinod? No I think not!
But Rohit generally acts like a right bastard and acts horrid to Chandni to drive her away in a silly sacrificial way, and one time he tells to get lost, and like a good strong woman she backs off and goes to the city where she meets this hot stuff:
Well there's the most appealing driver in the city!
She randomly jumps in his car to get to her job interview, and who else does he turn out to be than the boss, who hires her up!
What is Vinod without a cig?
Well he immediately takes a liking to her and I would to if my secretary wore such inviting sarees like Chandni does, but I guess as a gal in the city, she is emboldened to show off that Sridevi bod with no Rishi hovering over her mind. I like how independent Chandni becomes in the city, she maybe the Woman in White as Yash Chopra invisions her, but she's a headstrong woman who refuses to be cheap for her job, as when Vinod insensitively asks her to entertain the bosses in town.

Vinod being a grizzly unprofessional boss!
So Vinod gets all grumpy with Chandni, the next day he gives her sorry flowers, and I erupt in Awwwwww's. Chandni and her friend she's staying with are locked out of the house, and its all barsaat so naturally Chandni loves it and gets all wet, and shrieks in an annoying Shrill-devi way! Vinod is driving by and takes in the sight of Chandni misbehaving outside of work, and invites her and her friends to his house. Another eruption of AWWW, he's soo kind he doesn't want them to suffer out in the barsaat! CHO CHWEET! At his house we meet his Maaji(Waheeda Rehman) who calls him Laali in a cute way!

Aww a hot man loves his Maa too!

This is where the disgruntlement starts for me, Lalit/Vinod is such a lovely man, who loves his maa as well and also is a man who has loved and lost before, and is mature about love. At his house we see Chandni ingratiating herself with his maa, who immediately likes her and her mind bulb obviously goes PING BAHUUUU! But I think what cemented my anger and absolute love for Laali was the gorgeous song he sang "Lagi Aaj Sawaan Ki" which is on my ipod list as most played it gets stuck in my head all the time, or maybe its the fact that Vinod looks good for his age in that song and sings it with soulful emoness, and perhaps too because the lyrics are soo sad this his dil is in pieces and etc! Aww Laali I love you!

The Sadness of Laali

Bechara

The Khanna fuzz, and his love lost!Can't you feel the emo emitting off that man?
A gorgeous shot, and Chandni feels his pain!

So Laali falls for Chandni when he sees her exuberance and happiness and how she lifts his spirit and perhaps too the SEXY saree she wore at the office part, a sheer black sari with that figure on display! Perhaps I'm the idiotic person elevating this film to another level, but she can't wear something soo vivacious n sexy, and agree to take him to the airport! GRRRRR I DON'T LIKE SEEING EMO KHANNAS *Smashes glass and glares with Amrish Puri eyes!

Ahemm....if you'll excuse that, Laali is completely smitten and asks if she'll miss him, Chandni goes 'Ermmmmmm" and he leaves it at that. In Yashraj haven Switzerland, Laali meets the bastard of the piece, Rohit, with a cute introductory scene when they sing a Punjabi song and Laali joins in and says "hello my unknown enemy!"

Aww Laali likes meeting Punjabi folk singing enemies!Grrr when Laali-Nice Older Man met Rohit-Nasty Ungrateful Husband

Well they meet and wander Switz singing songs of Chandni, and when they come home and when Chandni shows up too, the tension is just soo awkward! Ohh i forgot to say, Rohit made a full recovery and is walking about! So he turns up at Chandni's house, expecting her to return to him quick, but Chandni, the strong woman I liked, tells him to shove off because he can't just walk into her life and expect her back after he insulted and hurt her. Right there was some good old fashioned KAPOW to his dil, and then she agrees to marry Laali, who's overjoyed. But she was obviously making a compromise and leading him on the whole time without being commital about it! So when the engagement happens, Rohit turns up drunk and falls down some stairs and the stupid Chandni runs to him screeching "Meri Rohit!" and this obviously upsets Laali, whose is shattered and seeks solace in his maaw.

Poor Laali and his Bahu-less Maa

So Laali unfortunately finds out and suck all that love in so he can give Chandni to the one she actually loves. Rohit has the audacity to say to Laali's maaw "Well I'm your younger son ain't i?" iF I was her, I would have whacked him with my shoe like Amitabh does so much in Suhaag. I just felt sooooooooooo sorry for Laali, this review is admitting what a nutty gal I am to feel soo sad after Laali gave his heart again after soo long to have it broken again, and he sings the "Lagi Aaj Sawaan Ki" song at the end of the film which just adds to the Khanna curse of being left at the altar!

Laali's Options for the Future

To turn into a Norman Bates with your mother for too long?
Or flock back into the arms of his bromace pyar Feroz

Hope you enjoyed my review of Chandni, a chiefly Vinod film for me, and this review/rambling reveals how much Khanna love has infiltrated me!

Dennis Hopper - An instrumental icon in my filmic education

2010-05-29T18:49:00.009-07:00

I thought I'd start off with my first non-Bollywood post with Dennis Hopper, because my love for films and the counterculture of the 60's and 70's started with Dennis Hopper. I'm not gonna pretend I knew him and fawn like a pretentious critic, but suffice it to say that i really respected his films and choices. I first happened upon Dennis Hopper late at night in a movie called Rebel Without a Cause, sure I was more focused on James Dean but Dennis made an impact with his side role as one of the way toooo old high schoolers in the film. In a far fetched way, Dennis like the late Macmohan only needed a few scenes to establish a presence. But I'd like to recount some of his key films that made me watch anything just for that lovely hippy voice!

1. Rumble Fish - many people would not have mentioned this small role in Francis Ford Coppola's teen film, but it was a good role for Dennis because you could see why Matt Dillon and Mickey Rourke's characters were so misguided and foolish, with a deadbeat alcoholic father. To be honest Dennis was one the best things in this film because he imbued such pathos to such a broken character.

2. Apocalypse Now - Now this is one of Hopper's best performances ever, he plays the fool in General Kurtz's mental kingdom, and its pretty wonderful to see him flex his Method muscles against the king of Method, Marlon Brando. His crazy character is a perfect example of what being in the jungles with Kurtz for too long. One of my favorite roles of his!

3. Easy Rider - One of the key films in my life, I watched this on the big screen at the Cinematheque once and it was just a transcendental experience for me. The first time i saw this I immediately recognized the dynamite power of the film, it had an aimless narrative, but it conveyed soo much about the heady times of 60's. The music, the ending, the script they all endure all these years later, and simply Hopper made a historical document of those times. This is definitely one of my favorites of all time. Thank you for that Mr Hopper!

4. True Romance - One of the most epic scenes between two excellent actors Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken was in this Quentin Tarantino script. That fruity dialogue between the two which was largely improvised was just cinematic magic, to see to giants of American cinema cut loose and have some fun, it was just great!

Well there you have some of my favorite roles of Dennis Hopper, truly an icon in my books and one of the key figures in my cinematic odyssey! What are some of your favorite roles of his?

Khanna-o-Rama! Hera Pheri - Craazy Beginnings for the Vinotabh!

2010-05-05T20:12:00.000-07:00

Can you resist a film where Vinod lampoons New Age yogis?

This won't be a review per se but more of a "Look what crazy batshit things are so wicked in this film" kinda of a rambling, like I usually do

I lie when i say this is the Vinotabh first outting, they came together in Zameer(1975) which i have but Vinod was just sassing up that boring horses-n-lost-children-masala film by being a long lost daku brother! Hera Pheri is the definitive masala pairing of the Vinotabh in its hot and hilarious way, it was directed by my favorite Vijay creator Prakash Mehra, who adds a shovel full of masala into this film. Its full of mistaken fathers, a memory lost mother, general madcappery, and letting the lead hotties establish a good goofy rapport that is lovely! Its a great film but its full of batshit things that cement its popularity with me such as:

Exhibit A = Mr Cyclops aka Tiger: This wonderful creation was pointed out in the Planet BollyBob, as a weird cyclops man who terroizes the neighbourhood and sometimes appears in Greek epics! Naaw this is Tiger, the scary bodyguard of the lead villain Pinchoo Kapoor, who is Vinod's dad and who also killed Amitabh's dad and made his maaw go nutty. Tiger's introduction was the most hilarious thing everr, as Pinchoo is making a plan to kill Amitabh who has insulted his son, so he coos "Tiger, Tiger" like a little dog would be beckoned. Instead Tiger turns out to be this creature, an Indian cyclops that Vinod beats up when he turns the table on his dad's dastardly plans! Tiger's creative makeup design was done by Oscar winning designers who tacked on perhaps a paper eye over the hapless actor, who growled as well to add some panache to his role!Exhibit B = Undercover Sadhuman aka Sheeram Lagoo: Yes this is one the most craziest wigs I've ever seen in my life! Sadhuman is actually the Police Commisioner of the area, who strides in the room when the Vinotabh are trying to wrangle out of being arrested for taking money thats not theirs. Sadhuman makes a spectacular entry as the other police man turns into a statue and salutes upright, and the Vinotabh chuckle as Sadhuman walks in the building! But I'd like to describe if i can the amazing wig that he sports, it seems to grow from the farthest side of his head and the beard too must have some scraps of food like Mr Twit from the Roald Dahl story or even Hritik's Jesus beard! Unfortunately the delightful design of Sadhuman's facial attire is whipped off when he turns into Police Commisioner! Ohh well atleast he keeps on the horridly big and bushy eyebrows to frown at the Vinotabh!

Exhibit C ="Waqt Ki Hera Pheri Hai" song: I'll let these images speak for the madcap menace of this wicked song! Naaw the Vinotabh now is generally yukking it up Marx Brothers style by playing dressup as two yogis that lecture the gang of baddies on their naughty ways, but they also do this to steal the loot, but what I loved about this part was how Vinod dressed up as a yogi and aping about, I don't know maybe I'm overdoing it but its a bit funny to see Vinod in a yogi getup and then see that a few years later he trots off with Rajneesh and the whole song is trying to lecture the baddies on their material ways and that ends off the only profound thought on this craazey film!
Loonying it up like Harpo and Chico!
Twisting the night away with Tuntun And generally doing the twist as dancing yogisDressed up now as Yogi Policemen!

Exhibit D = Saira's pointy Madonna bra: This is absolutely nothing unusual in the early 60's n 70's cinema where the heroines where the most hilarious bra's ever created! One that Madonna must have stolen from all the Mala's and Saira's of the heyday. I don't why I'm in a silly crazy mood on Khanna week, my mind just happens upon the silliest things in his films, alas I can blame on the Sweets I ate and am eating right now! But this bra must have been designed by Howard Hughes along with his Jane Russel bra, especially in this orange dress where the poor gal looks like she's aiming bazookas at her willing vixtim Amitabh! End of semi innapropriatness, NOT FOR LONG!

Exhibit E = The Slap of Friendship: This wicked moment happens when the Vinotabh split ways NAHIEE, you all scream, they are now known as Amitabh and Vinod! The best mates breakup when Vinod goes all gaga over his new daddy and rebuffs Amitabh. They meet at a bar where Amitabh nastily insults Vinod as a "kaminey, kuta, rascala!" Vinod unleashing his hurt gives the "Slap of DOOOOM!" Amitabh reacts badly to this smack and touches his cheek where his friend has attacked! The camera in a moment of emotional crisis cuts to Vinod who feels bad but not wrong!
Vinod gives "The Face of Anguish, and Regret"
Vinod gives the "I wanna turn back the time!" gesture
Its too late! Amitabh goes down his usual Sharaabi path!

Goga Kapoor is mildly disturbed by the Vinotabh's phonecall!
Exhibit F = Phonecall-Gate: There is a fabulous techno remix album called "Bombay 2:Electric Vindaloo," which has the most awesome cover art compiled from the mad films they've remixed and this includes Hera Pheri and its impressive array of shocked reactions from gangsters on the phone! I suggest you buy the album and enjoy PhonecallGate!

The pranksters getting up to mischief!
PhonecallGate gave this poor man a near heart attack! This man's wig was dislodged when answering the mysterious prank call!He wondered if he could get the money in time, before the Vinotabh's hotness rays killed him! Who were these gorgeous pranksters terroizing this gangster!

Prakash maybe that's taking Miss Mulvey's theory too far! NOt!
Exhibit G = CHUDDDIS! Yes you know I can't resist not putting a screenshot of Vinod or anyone in their chuddis or even being shirtless and revealing that trademark Khanna chest fuzz! I think Prakash Mehra was a director who read Laura Mulvey's essay on the Male Gaze and said "You know what there are women out there, that need to objectify the Vinotabh(mostly Vinod) I will rake in the paisa if the Gaze is directed at them" and so he did! There are many films where Vinod is objectified through shots of him fighting in tight white trousers and gratuitously necessary shots of his bum in Muqaddar Ka Sikandar or even Amitabh in any film there's a showcase of his supa fly wardrobe and cute closeups! But here are the CHUDDIS!
Vinod is quite the predecessor to my favorite muccha man Magnum PI!
Vinod in some actual Chuddis, in another chaotic Marx Bros esque scene where the Vinotabh are beaten up by many bad men and also get their clothes off in this rough n tumble dishoom bit!
Even Amitabh is pleased with Vinod's Magnum PI hot pants!
AWW wouldn't we all like to be woken up to a shirtless Khanna?

I end all my special exhibits and direct you all to some general miscellaneous crazy screencaps in this most mental and fun movie!

Some chandelier loving of course!
Amitabh prays to the mighty chandelier for some extra zaniness!
Thats Macmohan in the back spying on Vinod's lovestory! Sorry Mac not all super fly guys like you can get a gal!
I leave you all with this fitting picture! Everything is rright in the world when a picture like this can occur in a movie and satisfy my female gaze! Let me know your thoughts and definitely order this zany masala film!

Khanna-o-Rama! Qurbani: The Bromantic Bible of Pyar!

2010-05-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

What a bombastic credit!Hot Stuff!
Warning: This review will be full of bromantic innuendo and full of bad taste, lewdness, but I can't help it if I'm a vulgar kid!I woke up late as usual, because being the summer holiday I roll out of bed anytime, but I thought I'd start Khanna Week with a bombastic bang! I discovered Qurbani in the bargain bin at the local dvdwallah's shop for 5 bucks, yes you may point your fingers and shake your head, because it truly is a shitty copy! Full of green specks, hair bits, some scenes go upwards on the screen alas it does justice to HOT PAPA KHANNA! I tend to go for the rugged masculine swaggering type such as Mr Khanna and his best mate Feroz and their king of swagger cousin Shatrugan! The movie is just a treasure trove of slick awesomeness(hate that word but its the right one for this film!).
Amjad and Feroz doing some flying into eachother dishoom dishoom!

Feroz Khan is a pretty excellent director in Apradh, Dharmatma, this, but the rest pales in comparison to something soo epic and bromantic as Qurbani! Feroz is a nice enough director to give Vinod the more sexier and thoughtful role which makes me melt into a puddle of droool~ This was made when Vinod returned from his spiritual quest with Rajneesh, and what a comeback it is!

So we start with a very earnest prologue of Feroz dedicating the whole film to the slain Rajiv Gandhi and his maae Indira, it was all very sweet of Feroz. But back to the storyline which opens with a bad Amrish Puri in a hilarious Afro curly wig who meets the spectacularly ugly dressed Aruna Irani who has the craziest eyes ever:
Well I guess thats how scarring Amrish's wig was!

She shouts that he looted her of course and her brother(Shakti Kapoor) is in prison for defending her honour, but there's more Amrish stole her diamonds which she and her duffer bro spend the whole film planning to get back. Then we are intoduced to the funkadelic meister Rajesh(Feroz Khan) who doesn't like seeing old men pushed around by Amrish, so he does some silly but manly device of wrecking Amrish's mercedes in an underground parkade! What a noble man! Rajesh then hops off to ogle at his girlfriend Sheila(Zeenat Aman) shaking her bum around and genrally dancing like a drunken uncle at her club and her crazy band that randomly strum about on their guitars and also give the audience an eyesore when they flash their thighs: Feroz is fond of flashy lights!The nasty cow that upsets the bromance Feroz just sexing the place up with his sheer ruggedness!

I'm sorry I call her a cow because she just wrecks the masala plotline and lectures on everybody all the time! Sheila soon finds out that Rajesh is a thief and he gets arrested and sent to jail by Inspector Khan(Amjad Khan) a very hilarious and fun role for Amjad to do as well! He really looks like he's having some fun with a non-villainous role!

Amjad lightening the mood throughout!

Sheila is all alone thankfully for 3 and a half years without Rajesh, and now girls the Man enters the scene as Amar, the kindly, studly, sexy father next door! Hailla I went when I was a fangirly 16 year old and still I squeal now, he is just the grandaddy of the smoulder! Amar is also a thief who works for Amrish thiefery company and renounces them when they shoot Macmohan, who gets a 2 minute role, but generally Macmohan only needs two minutes to look like a baddie and establish his presence with that two shaded hair! Anyway I digress, but one day I'll need to study Macmohan and other bit players that play gang members, ANYWAYY! Amar is upset that they killed Mac and Amrish can't afford for people to spill to the police.

AND now commences the innuendo that i spent the whole morning screencapping! Amrish is a nice boss that likes Amar for being "there he is, my star carrier" Perfectly normal Boss-employer relationship naa?
Amar rightly rebuffs this innapropriate kiss, and walks off into the sunset leaving behind his evil ways. But its not too evil really because he has a daughter so I deem Vinod a good man paying his bills anyway he can! Amar picks up his kid Tina, and on the way he runs into some motorcycling ruffians who squirt water him, and he follows them to a cafe where they are harassing Sheila! Amar falls in love with the gorgeous Sheila who doesn't pay attention to Vinod's burn-the-screen-desire, but she has to face it when he sings my favourite song ever "Hum Tumhe Chahte Hain"

How can she not surrender to that?
Or his general Byronic broodiness?
Or this tender ogling at her?
Clearly Sheila is a nutter for not giving into her desires to ruff up this studly man, nope she holds out for silly Rajesh who has made friends with Shakti in prison, who recruits Feroz for stealing back the diamonds! Inspector Khan expects Rajesh to turn up for his probation and to add to some more innuendo and vulgarity i give you this:Nuff said

If you have recovered from that screencap then we'll get back, to the commencement of the Bromance! I think I'll leave y'all with some innuendo and general love between two of the sexiest men in Bollywood

When Vinod Met Feroz!

Uhhff kya andaz hai! Feroz blood boils as he beholds this sight:But Feroz hadn't the courage to meet this dark and handsome stranger! As the Casablanca line goes "This is the start of a very wonderful friendship" How apt is that, and these two are quite a deal more studly than Claude Rains and Humphrey Bogart

The friendship starts with admiration, and Vinod is smitten with his new mate!
However such a love is dangerous, many forces such as Shakti Kapoor try to keep them apart, and he beats HOT PAPA KHANNA! Nahiieee! Feroz comes to the rescue

Feroz realizes his deep unwavering love for his buddy, and embraces the man who completes him!

Their passion grows, Feroz plays a dutiful nurse to his lover, he is careful not to let his keeper Zeenat discover his secret love. They bond over cigarretes
Vinod starts to fear that the cow might suspect, but Feroz assures him otherwiseThe two men rejoice on Eid while also hiding from Zeenat and Inspector Amjad

The two thieves now do their thieving together, another Qurbaan occurs as Feroz decides to repent. The parting is sweet, and they tug at eachothers hair! Inspector Amjad in a plot contrivance tells Feroz that Vinod has framed him! Feroz weeps at this betrayal after all that meaningful hugging! Nahieee

Dejected and hurt, Feroz runs from the handcuffs of the law and hunts for Vinod

Feroz tracks Amar down in London, and reataliates at his former lover!

Zeenat tries to intervene, but the beeyotch don't understand so Feroz hurls her across the room several times as Vinod and he fight out their anger! A handy phone call from friend Joe, clears Vinod's charges and the friends make up in the most spectacular fashion!

And they lived happily ever after for a while!

I hoped you enjoyed my first Khanna-o-Rama post for the week! Here's to bromance and Vinod being the pursuer in this filum! Next up Hera Pheri, the first pairing Vinotabh! Let me know some of your fave bromantic moments in this film. I leave you all with a sexy image of the stud of this week:
Yess I told you this would be dirty, and I know y'all wanna be his nurse too!

Masala Mini Reviews: A Nice Vegetative State!

2010-04-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

I'm finally off school and can watch all the films I want, except for the fact that I've got exams to do and a poetry anthology thingy to hand in! But a lot is riding on me getting a good report this term as I've applied to Uni too! Enough of the personal patter, more importantly I've caught up on all filmi watchings! Of course this won't be objective despite the fac that I'VE GOT A JOB AS A FILM CRITIC! YAHOOOOOOO!

Ishqiya - As a dutiful passenger on the "Arshad Warsi is Wicked!" train, I just looved this film! It was one is best roles that he's done for a while, instead playing the second banana roles in the awful Shortkut or the helpful saving grace in Krazzy 4! I really enjoy Vishal Bhardwaj's school of quirky cinema, its a refreshing change from the rest of the usual releases. And I must say I've learnt a looot of swear words to shout at my sister when I'm angry! It really resembles a cool neo-noir with the sexy femme fatale, a bag of paisa, and two hapless heroes falling for the bad gal! The relationship between Khalujaan(Naseeruddin Shah) and Babban(Arshad Warsi) and Krishna(Vidya Balan) is so well etched out, we love how Khalu melts into a puddle when she gives him a hug, and when Babban is pursueing her! And my goodness that kiss! It was pure animal lust but goodness me, Hot Stuff!

Aandhi - One of Gulzar's masterpieces! This was a really good watch to see the controversy over why it was banned! And I can see why Indira Gandhi would ban this as its a very veiled attack on her, with the ambitious father grooming his daughter(Suchitra Sen) for political stardom, having some daddy issues, marrying a normal guy that opposes her ideals. But if you didn't know the backstory of the film then its just a very intimate look at relationships and a good political drama. Sanjeev Kumar and Suchitra Sen give wonderful performances that are revealing and imbue such pathos into their conflicted characters. When i first watched this at 16(Of course!) I read all the feminist manifestos by Germaine Greer, and shouted at my Sanjeev, "Why cant you let her be a politician you Bastaaarddd!" but as a distinguished cinephile(ignore my boasting, I'm just overly happy for landing that job!) i realized that he just wanted his wife to be part of the household and she too was manipulated by her dad to do his bidding. But its still a bit iffy in some parts but all in all its a commendable film for its time, to tackle the lady in power

Chandni - My mum and dad are quite awful, bringing me up on 1942 A Love Story, and Yashraj films that gave me my BollyHollyMusicalitis! Truly this is the film that started it all for me, especially with the daydreaming I was such a wicked dancer like Sridevi, that I had a lovely jumper-clad first love, and a steaming HAWT replacement Vinod Khanna! Alas after many failed attempts of a Chandni-esque love life, I grew up! Nahiee, but when i revisited this film on the weekend all my loony behavior came back! Chandni's one of those kinda movies, you either love it or you hate it, in the case of my maaw she hates it because of "Shrill-devi"! But as a masala victim and Yashraj prey, I wholeheartedly love this white marshmallow film! Whether its the hilarious moments in Switzerland (Filmi Girl, Beth, and co book that Yashraj tour ASAP) where random people on the street act clumsily around the camera, or the fantabulous jumpers Rishi wears - half the budget must have gone on those printed crazy jumpers - or Vinod's general hotness in later age! Its just fluff and I luvvv it!

Mera Saaya - What a mysterious movie this was! I enjoyed this film a lot, it was the perfect mix of suspense and noir elements too! Sadhana was positively wonderful in this, she definitely has a mysterious enigmatic quality about which is why she was so perfect for this role and why Raj Khosla put her in soo many thrillers. She plays a woman who claims that Sunil Dutt is her hubby when she is arrested, Sunil is so shocked by how much she looks like his dead wife and sets out to prove her wrong. I love how Sunil Dutt is the most angry lawyer ever, it was like watching him in Waqt where his sheer badgering ability made the Shashi overact his pain of revealing the truth! He's not too OTT here, but he's an excellent actor and conveys all the pain of losing his love and being soo conflicted by this new gal~ A must watch

Shootout at Lockhandwala - Yes I liked this movie to an extent. Simply for the sheer magnitude of sexy men in the cast Abhishek for two minutes, Sunil Shetty, Sanju baba, Arbaaz Khan(yes he was cute here) Amitabh, Rohit Roy, Tushhar(kinda good in a serious role) and VIVEIK!! I don't need to say more than i was just drooling through most of the film, Apoorva Lakhia is a director who knows how assemble a cast that makes a woman drool! It was a timepass flick of cops against gangstas, a bit tooo violent at times, kerb smashing anyone? But the acting was very good from Viveik's side he brought back all that raw intensity from his days in Company!

Magnificent Obsession - Yep in my Douglas Sirk extravaganza I thought I'd start with his smash hit in his subversive women's films at Universal Studios. I love Douglas Sirk, he's a director after my own heart, he objectifies Rock Hudson to the maximum water-drooling-in-a bucket effect, symbolic and gorgeous colours, mirror effects, general goodness. I will cover that all in the jumbo post of my outpouring of pyar for one of my fave directors. But back to this, I loved it of course! Rock Hudson is the local rich kid in the town, on a bad day he gets into an accident, on the other side of town another guy is dying. The doctor uses the life saver machine on Rock, and the other geezer dies, bit of stigma sadness for ungrateful Rock, he tries to buy off the widow Jane Wyman who refuses, another accident late Jane goes blind - A long lost brother film to Manmohan Desai film naa? Then naturally Rock develops a Magnificent Obsession over Jane, pays her bills, conceals his identity, and they fall in love. First let me say a big AWWWWWW to this film, it did somehow pull at my fickle heart strings, and make me swoony over Rock. Lovely colours of course lots of greens but its a good watch to see Sirk's turning point and a film which people flock back to when they start their own Douglas Sirk journey! This really is a masala film that contains blindness, mistaken identities, colourfulness!

So here are some films I've watched, hope you check them out too. Let me know if you liked them too, and watch out for a Douglas Sirk extravaganza!

Filmi Poetry Part 2 or How I was a Lazy Lafungi

2010-03-31T23:17:00.000-07:00

Yes bloggers unite like Vinod to kick my ass & dishoom dishoom me for not posting
Doston please royally tell me off for being a lazy lafungi! I have had many days full of essays all due the day I start them! Strangely I have being getting B's on these last minute affairs, which shows maybe I'm improving in some aspect, but as you bloggers know my breathless writing devoid of commas is what messes me up on my essays too, its either too many or too little! But I should be subjected to Shakaal from Shaan's crocodile pot, because I missed SHASHI WEEK! Nahieee! Shashi was soo upset by sin of not honouring him!
But to make up for my bad behavior I have a selection of my semi filmi poems that I've written for my Poetry writing class. I have a habit of writing waay too long, I dont think there's anything wrong with this, after all the great poets Donne, Keats, Pope, and others wrote looong poems devoted to anything. However my teacher feels I need to condense it up, thats true also so slowly my poems are getting somewhat shorter! But here they are:

For the Love of Coolie

That small street held the silver screen
Tucked in the alleyways of Mumbai
Around where the beggars bash at windows at busy traffic signals
Where hawkers sell the local newspapers and push for a sale
of those forbidden plastic bags

The board is cleaned for the big extravaganza
Vigilante Vijay is back in his starring role after that accident!
“Come see the thrills and romance of Coolie,” proclaims the poster
Nicely painted posters hung in the entrance
The auspicious incense sticks blessing the air

Now they all arrive, families and couples and loners
Bodies pushing and squished together in the ticket lineup
Shoving through that single door
Hustle and bustle at the snacks stand, food to fill the masses
Money hurled at cashiers, seven popcorns
And of course some Mazaa juice

That auditorium, built when the first talkies came in
When there were only 20 people in the audience
Now grew and grew for the people fed on films
Holding perhaps only half a crowd,
No matter we’ll sit on the aisle steps
Nudging and says “Jaa, tumhare seat se baeto!”

Shouts the usher, eyes widened by the amount of people
Piling in for that lambhu actor with the baritone voice
Ladies offering ladoos, and men installing a Ganesh on the stage
Flowers flung at the actor’s pasted face on the god
Lines winding all over the hall like snakes
To pay respect to that nation’s hero

The stage was a sea of marigolds, rupees, and annas
Ushers eyes glowing with intent
More of that money for the kids’ school fees
Finally, silence, standing to salute the tricolour
Wafting smells of pani-puri, and bhajia, smells circling around,
Meshed into a sickly pungent stink

Taxi drivers, slum dwellers, businessmen,
A cross section of the class screech
In unison, “AMITABH!!”
Automatic rising up, popcorn plopping
Down onto someone’s head
With a resounding Oye!

The hall now a crowd with gatecrashers,
Of another finished film piling in
Vendors stuck in static positions, unable to manoeuvre
Through the flesh and fat of the huddled masses
Pandemonium! The song arrives
He croons, “Accident hogaya, rabba rabba”

Popcorn let loose and flying, falling down
Like the unleashing of a biblical flood
Everyone and the uncle whooping and whistling
The ground shakes from all the jigging about
The hall holding half a town of joyful patrons

When it’s all done, the crunch of packets of food all around
The auditorium a chaotic mass of buzz and chatter
Of seeing their returned idol’s film
His wake from that coma, with their prayers and donated
Pay checks to ensure his health
If only he knew

The masses gone, a broken door to show
A destitute hall, mouths agape
Sitting on an aisle step
“Hume kaise saaf karega?” one ushers asks after a deafening silence

The stage was the sewage filled Ganges,
Sullied popcorn, spilt coke, cracked Ganesh, wrappers leading the way out
Ohh Amitabh, what have you done?

Explaination: I had seen a few pictures of how people flocked to see Coolie, as it came when Amitabh got his intestines kicked in and was in a coma for a long time, people were soo devoted they fasted, prayed for his life. I thought maybe exploring a crowded scene of people rushing to see this colossal hit, but also that good people paid money to enshrine Amitabh into their lives. They may not have known him, but his persona of Vijay has become a national institution and when he fell ill, they gave soo much devotion to a matinee idol.

Billo Rani

Listening to that song you loved
How you pounded the floor
Just for that melodious geet
Crowded garden, with a garish tent setup
Auntyji’s gossiping at the tables,
Uncleji’s stumbling, huddled around the beer
Kids darting in and out of rooms like chased mice
Music blaring, blasting from that new stereo
Our song, at last
Running outside, anklets going chamm chamm
Yes, it was I, a grown girl
Dancing with you
Circling each other, arms curling and rising
Swinging around to that dhol
Smiles and lyrics coming to our lips
Perhaps it was a Punjabi trait of ours
To sway and pulse our hips
Billo Rani, we screeched
Arms in flight, wrists flinging
We swirled, round and round
My lengha rising in circular motion
Assorted colours smashed into one
We fell around after, still gyrating to that dhadak
I didn’t care about head banging
Neither did your screechy voice
Grimaces abound, shaking heads
Staggering about, that champagne bubbling in the belly
Violent up chuck surging towards the exit
Skipping around, till I fell over you
Plummeting down into the prize winning flower bed
Gardenias and roses decorated with a brown dahl garnish
Perhaps I forget that you only reached upto my knee

Explaination: This was a funny moment when I returned to London, it was my aunt's 20-something birthday, and my little cousin who is equally as infected by Masala and Filminess demanded that the DJ play Billo Rani from Dhan Dhana Goal! It was a mad scene as the party was just at their house and my grandparents all live next door to them, and so there was the DJ outside who had to play. Maybe I had had to much to drink or I was in a fun mood, so it was embarassingly just me and the little boy dancing like absolute nutters to this song! Everyone was looking at our crazy moves and it was fun for me, I'm that kind of mad gal who would just break out into a mad dance at a wedding or something! But after lots of twirling, my tummy ached and from the last few lines you get the picture!

Ode to Bollywood Films

Of course its not gonna mind fuck me
To see a moustachioed man sing such love
For a woman he only saw in a chaotic scene
Thanks mum for placing me there
At two years old, to occupy me
While you had to do the hoover
Thanks for the facial fuzz fetish
I’ve got from that handsome man, his pompadour hair
*
Primary school is not the place to
Ask some hapless blonde bastard
“Sprinkle some red powder in my parting”
Skipping to naniji’s house
A happy child bride
Dropping her chai on the carpet
Like my sister’s many unfortunate accidents
Explaining my pyar for him
Of course, she will tell the parents
Movies are rotting my skull
*
Visits to babaji do no good
An education of the classics
Nice films with good socialist messages
Sitting near his chair, as he waxed poetic
His favourite films
No surprise when I come home
I want to share food with that
Loitering loopy man near school
Hurling my burger at me
Yellow and red plastered on my uniform
Perhaps one for all isn’t his motto
*
In a new land of mountains and rain
The mountains despite how romantic they are
No places to bring a chiffon sari
To twirl and sing a famous song
Rolling down some snow in reckless abandon
Pneumonia attacks the happy feeling
Exiled home from the school trip with
Chattering teeth and a frost eaten body
*
Once slouchy trousers, neat plaits, comfy jumpers
Indoctrinated by the sixties and seventies films
Transforms one into a bold beautiful babe
Winged lines flying near and past my brow
Crazy prints and wild patterns adorn me
Dancing the twist at dances
Perhaps landing on the bum
After too much swigging and swinging
*
Falling in love with that jazzy kid
Life is lovelier, running with him
Through the pungent mustard fields of your mind
Let him kiss you, cheek only,
Evade a proper snog by hiding behind a narrow tree
Begrudge him when he won’t visit a rose garden
Or wear a colourful jumper and compare you
With those vibrant gardenias and sunflowers
Rather torture you through jazz tunes
Croon “kabhi kabhi mera dil meh khayal aata hai!”
Interrupt the aghast musicians
*
If love fizzles out, let me sink into
A whiskey and rum induced melancholia
Comforted with ice cream, ladoos and mini eggs
Won’t purposefully run down my stairs and screech NAHIEE!
When the jazzy tosser steps out with the stick insect
Emoting heartbreak like stilted silent film actresses
My balcony, where the world watches my melodramatic suicide attempts
*
Bollywood, I love you
Shaped me, transformed me
A loony I am to this day
Life isn’t the same without
A hope of some equally bonkers boy
Who will whisk me away
To Pancham’s tunes and twist with
Me on some magical mountaintop!

Explaination: Need I say more? This is my piece de resistance! Its partly true of my nutty fondness for all things Filmi!
Ode to Manoj Kumar

Why dost thou cover thy face?
Behind those hairy long fingers
Lies a sensible, thoughtful, brooding, Byronic Bharat
Injustice you conquered
Corruption thy fought off
Diaspora thou explored
Hearing problems thee tackled
Smile please with that witty grin
Hope and pray with funky songs
That the Desh will repair itself
Thy earnest messages shall be smacked to the audience
Thou loved mirror angles
Perhaps thou ought to meet Douglas Sirk
Maybe colours, mirrors, wobblyness, and tinting
Were from that LSD you were on
That hair puff grew with each film
To a pompadour that reminds one of Anil
Shashi made you like the fat old man in the corner
Yet thou let those smiles and curl shine
Thy generous directing allowed Amitabh
To outbrood thine with only one arm
Zeenat loved you after all
Moushumi wanted you bad
Saira changed under you
Asha appreciated your thoughts
Nanda didnt look comfy with you
Hema wanted to run her hands across your long sideburns
Manoj, puff and podginess need not deter you
Please cover thy face 320 times
One loves you all the same, sans face

Explaination: This is an old relic I dug up from my high school Creative Writing class. It was the mad transformation years when i went retro and bought tons of 60's n 70's dresses that Saira or Asha might wear, and also when i fell into my Manoj pool of Bharat emoness! Its quite terrible and perhaps i read a Keats ode when i wrote this! Thy, thine, thee, thou all misplaced but forgive a mad 16 year old at the time

So I hope you enjoy these mad and silly poems that I've written and let me know if they are quite mad or wonderful!

70's Week! Manoj aur Rum - the affair that started it all!

2010-02-22T12:43:00.000-08:00

Emo pain personified: Bharat the face covering hero!

Its 70's week here in the Blogosphere, and I thought I'd shed some light on the man that started my 70's film odyssey: Manoj Kumar. I am the tiny majority that loves things all Bharat, I first happened upon Purab aur Pachhim, when it was my 16th burrday, and my parents gave me a ton of birthday money, and thanks to the lovely aunty dvdwallah I was able to indulge in my 70's paraphernalia. But I was struck by Manoj because he was so cuuute, and had a lovely and sometimes awful puff like Dev Anand did, but more importantly he was earnest in his filmmaking. No man ever came as close to the Bharat - emo man of the country, Manoj made himself into a symbol of a frustrated nation, just like Amitabh's angry man voiced the concerns of the fed up people in the Emergency. So here is why Manoj makes me happy:

Bharat wants you to behave

· Manoj rocks because he has a brilliant filming techniques which influenced me a lot when I sent off my own school produced Bollywood movie to the local fim fest. His sweeping cuts, and frenetic shots in Upkar were maybe silly but made effective points. The crazy colours of Purab aur Pachhim reflected a mad generation of the upcoming 70's, especially the glut and madness that was the boat song.

The sternest upholder of patriotic values!

· Manoj rocks, because he is sooooo HAWT in a blobby, serious-man-next door style, he was always a bit blobby but then I love a bit of flab on my men, like my pyar for Shammi, Shammi wouldn't be himself without his jiggles and wobbles, and rolly cuteness. Just like Manoj wouldn't be Manoj without his tight coordinated t-shirts and bell bottoms and signature fluffy pouffy hair
· Manoj rocks, because he founded the Byronic Nationalist man of India, in Roti Kapada etc, no one could have been so broody in that movie and especially the scene where he sings "Main Na Bhulunga" the sad one, that was one sad man! He even outbroods Amitabh in the film, I thought that wasn't possible but his sadness was overflowing.

· Manoj is great, because he did only 120ish face covering sadness moves in Upkar when he started out, but right till the end in Clerk he gave a whopping 320 (I'm on Olympic holidays, and I'm bored??) face covering sadness faces moves, it was a delight and I don't know why he needed to pull a hissy fit for Om Shanti Om, i would consider that a lovely compliment!

· Manoj is an uber nationalist and patriot in every single movie he directed, which was brilliant at the time of the Emergency of Indira Gandhi's reign and the many wars fought with Pakistan, he appealed to the masses as a sort of common man who has all of India's injustices to fight and boy he fights 'em. It would seem that subjects that he chooses are bleak and hopeless. But Manoj lifts the tempo up with a bunch of masala ingredients sadness redemption and happy resolution. Thats why I don't mind that he symbolized India and all the massive obstacles they face.

· Manoj tends to be fascist leaning, especially in the god-awful sinfully released by him Clerk. In all his movies there was an obvious overflow of patriotism that were in the dialogues and everywhere but with his patriotism highlighted a few times, Manoj usually gets back to the story but in this shit picture it was an abslolute fascist backwass. It was soooooooo right wing that i got so upset watching that I threw it over my balcony. Patriotism is fine, Manoj rocks because he makes mistakes like this abomination!

· Manoj has excellent dialogue delivery, as I mentioned in my English dialogues post, he has wonderfully cute delivery that is very sparse in pauses, but its that deep soulful voice that made me awwwwwww. Though he sometimes sounds mumbly its just the Manoj way!

· He makes excellent jodis with Shashi = Manashi? Shatrugan = Shatroj, Amitabh = Manotabh, Prem Chopra = Manoprem, and Dilip Kumar = Manolip?

· He loves Dilip Kumar like a fanboy likes Star Wars, he got soo giddy when filming his fight scene with Dilip in Kranti that he wouldn't come out of his dressing room as he didn't want to hurt Dilip awwwwwww

· He always has an excellent supporting cast of Asit Sen as the comical relief, Prem Nath as the religious stereotype that always smokes(chi chi chi!!) Kamini Kaushal as his sabse pyari maa, Madan Puri as lecherous bad guy/nice father/black marketer, Aruna Irani as vamp that is very unfortunate, Prem Chopra as bad brother/rapist/general Bad man!

· Manoj loves to show sex, his very frenetic and shocking rape scene in Roti etc was a bit of an omigosh but he pushed the boundaries, and showed a proper cut shot of sex with Manmohan with an English girl in Purab, a rape scene in Kranti, and a shameful one in Clerk!

· Manoj never thinks he gets old as he played a college kid in Clerk in 1980 something which means he was 55 to play that, and he though he could play an 19 year revolutionary in Kranti as mentioned in the lines "I'm a 19 year old man, and I can get these whites out, irrespective of my YOUNG age!"

· Lastly he rocks, because he can do everything direction, editing,lyrics (horrendous in Clerk) writing, producing and singing! VAAAH VAAH VAAH!

So here is my first outpouring of pyar for a 70's icon, that just made my day when I discovered him! Hope you like it and share some of Bharat/Manoj experiences!

Mr Filmi Right - The Good, The Sweetest, and The Funkadelic

2010-02-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

Again its time for the annual belated Valentines Day post, I hate that day! Maybe I'm turning into a bitter old Bette Davis and spewing acid on nice commercialized holidays and the Olympics that are taking place in city! This is another shameless copy of Bollyviewer's wonderful list of Mr Rights, my list is a list of Mr Rights who I just adore no matter if their actions are quite silly or if they're overly romantic, I just love them all the same! There's some terrible cheating as some Mr Rights are persona's of many films, but alas they're cute too! In no order at all as I hate those kinds of lists where you have to choose your favorite as number 1, there's toooooo many to choose from! 1. Naren Singh - 1942 A Love Story
Y'all knew some Anil would be here! I think because I was indoctrinated into Bollywood due to this film, I have moustache pyar! I don't know what it is about facial hair, but I just like it, and Anil was the key perpetrator of this! But silly digression as usual, Naren is one of my favorite filmi Mr Right's because he's passionate in a way Anil could only exude such as climbing on his gal Manisha Koirala's balcony to simply ask if she'll be at their hotspot the library tomorrow! And he's perfect because he's a rich boy and though he's born into privelege he would gladly dump all that as the subtitle above says, because he loves RAJJJO! When i was a kid and perhaps still now I wished my name was Rajjo instead Rumnique, because my name has the typical "OMG RUM, alcohol name thats so cool!" Alas Naren is my ingrained filmi Mr Right because of his sheer sweetness and passionate self!2. Aditya Kashyap - Jab We Met

I loved Shahid in this film, behind the glasses we forgot his dancey happy persona and fully embraced this depressed guy, who was livened up by Geet! I loved how his character had a growth period that we actually saw, unlike a quick montage and he's all better kinda thing. When he realizes his gradual love for Geet and goes to find her, I was so with him, and when he tried liven up Geet it really seemed like such a sweet gesture. And that snog at the end, felt so unforced and cute 3. Vanraj - Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam

How could I forget the nicest hero ever! Vanraj was a completely selfless guy who had the unfortunance(my silly word) to marry Aishwariya in this film, he agrees to reunite his biwi with her silly lover Salman and doesn't make it too obvious that he minds that he'll be going home without his love! Ajay was at his sweetest in this role, I just really loved the simple scene where he gets on the bus without his wife, and when he comes back he acts like nothing happened, I don't know what it is about that scene but it just sums up the overall love! I loved this epic sweeping movie just for Vanraj, he was miles better than the annoying Salman, who was in his 90's phase of dropping his shirt every 2 seconds, it just got tiresome after a while. And i was relieved to see that Ajay acted with subtleties and that he was all covered up! What a sweet selfless Mr Filmi Right!

4. Dr Nice Guy - Bandini
I couldn't remember Dharam's name in this lovely movie. I think a perfect Mr Filmi Right has to be progressive and he does just that in Bandini. He's smitten with Kalyani(Nutan) who helps him out with a contagious patient at their prison hospital. Despite Kalyani's hesitation to love him, he sees through her self-punishment and allows her to live again. He even tells his maa about his love for a prisoner and she unlike a usual filmi maa doesn't scream a NAHIEEE. Dharam is an absolute sweetheart here, as he gets Kalyani to slowly come out of her shell, and this another lovely progressive role like the nice guy in Anupama.

5. Sam - An Evening In Paris

As you all know I love the Kapoor whichever one it is, but there's a real soft spot in my filmi dil for a persistent charmer like Shammi Kapoor! I first happened upon Shammi when i was around 10 watching Junglee on Zeetv in London. At first I was like, why is he hassling her all the time, UGGHHH enough with Yahoo! But I moved on and appreciated what a change in hero-ness Shammi was, you never really saw a filmi man charm his gal by following her and dancing funkily in a park for her, they were either wooing with words or nice songs in fields. Shammi in An Evening in Paris is just wonderful, who wouldn't love a man nuzzling you near the Eiffel Tower or hanging from a bloody helicopter for you! Talk about outlandish and charming love, I'm a sucker for Shammi's wooing in foreign places!
6. Sid - Wake Up Sid

I know this seems like a crazy choice, but Sid is totally a filmi Mr Right! He's just adorable and he's another Mr Right who's growth pattern gets shown in a film, and thats what endears me to him. He cooks an egg for you, he learns to clean up after you shout at him, he changes your perception of him, the list goes on. Sure he's the irresponsible type in the beginning but you can really see why Koko would fall for his nice charm, plus there's no fuss about age with him. He doesn't flinch or go Nahiee when he falls for Aisha, he relys on her, he supports her, I'm sorry this another one of those "Rum fawns over Wake Up Sid" for the hundreth millionth time ever! But i guess the reason why I love Sid as a Mr Right is because he is the most relatable and realistic portrayal of a guy that we've all got or met in our lives.

(Couldn't resist a shot of Shatru and a plant LOL!)
7. Swaggering Bad Shotgun - Blackmail

Blackmail is a loved classic in the blogosphere, and rightly so because the general Dil SQUEEE it gives anyone with the sheer romance and lovely scenes. But I'm a gal who loves a bad boy and there are many delicious men who deserve their own Bad Man lists but I'll definitely do that another day, but the baddest Mr Filmi Right is Shatrugan in Blackmail. He is soo badass in this film, manipulating his best bud Dharam to get the magic solar power. I love that Shotgun is a man with an environmental cause, he needs to screw over his friend for money as well as saving the earth (as if, I wish he were that noble) but he's just badass with his general funkadelic shirts and that booming voice that often reminds me of Richard Burton's growly voice. Shatru was not a nice character here, but you could tell in some spots that he felt something Raakhee but the cause of solar power pulled him away. Swaggered his way into my dil!

8. The Raj/Rahul persona - Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge/Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Obviously being brought on the Yash Raj pyar which brought on my BollyHollymusicalitis I just haven't found a Mr Filmi Right who matches up to the gargantuan standards that the Raj/Rahul persona has created in the Yash Raj infested mind of mine! But thankfully my BollyHollymusicalitis has lessened and I'm thankfully not a Mahi from Bachna Ae Haseeno to look for a Raj/Rahul in anyone! A long ramble later, SRK embodies an ideal type of man who is both funny and sombre, I cant forget the time I watched DDLJ in Stanley Park in a shoddy tent with a real butt ache from sitting on grass, but hell I watched it for Raj/Rahul! Raj in DDLJ is the epitome of love in a NRI generation, he'll realize he's in love with Simran and vow "Simran mein aa raha hoon/Simran I'm coming" which would set anyone's dil going SQUISH! Raj is the nice type who'd want your demon eyes dad's approval rather than run off with you, because ya know he's just the traditional hindustani at heart! Onto the Rahul persona that is such a MR Right, he raises a terribley annoying daughter, he'd even go half the way across the country to rescue his kid from a cold, (My maa snorted at that part, 'what kinda father is he? A bloody cold?!') and end up falling in love again! Rahul is funny and sweet to his friend Anjali, and funny and charming to Rani too. He's just lovely and he'd make an ideal Mr Right!

9. Raju - Aawara/Shree 420

With the ammount of Tweeting about my Raj Kapoor essay, there had to be a spot for Raju. I may be the minority of people who adore Raj Kapoor, no matter what an asshole he may have been in real life, I just respect his films so much and the Raju persona ! But to Raju, in Aawara he may have been a real junglee acting out his class frustration by turning to crime, but he's my Mr Filmi Right, because he is given a chance to be good by his gal Rita, and when he's in love, he's just soo passionate! That famous slap and junglee scene in the film is just raw and hot, never had anger and fiery love been so shocking and so sexy, especially the erotic song that entails after. Raju is a junglee that wants a chance to love and belong, and lashes out at society at his misplaced identity. There's nothing hotter than an emo bad man. In Shree 420, Raju is the cutest Mr Filmi Right, because RK just lays on his infinite charm, channeling his idol Chaplin but not too the point of being annoying, he woos Nargis in the most cute and comedic fashion. But of course he's my Mr Filmi Right, because he gave Bollywood its own Gene Kelly rain song in Pyar Hua Ikrar Hua! Sure Raju was led astray by the bad Nadira, but this hero redeems himself by being noble and cute at the end.

10. Bharat emo man of the country - Purab Aur Pachhim

I reviewed Purab Aur Pachhim in the beginning of my blogging life, it was one of the formative films of my teenagedom when I discovered the beauty of old Bollywood films, and the much needed masala added to my diet as a filmgoer. There was something about Manoj Kumar that was just Mr Right material. You say "well of course he's Bharat" but beyond being a preachy hero in his directed films, Bharat was never too preachy in PAP as he began to in later films. Bharat goes to London and gets a huuuge culture shock but he gets used it, and his staunchly Indian views were a reminder of a land that Saira Banu's family left behind. Bharat is a good guy who educates his gal and her brother in the Indian way, but he doesn't force it down their throats as they make up their own minds on their cultural identity. Bharat is a Mr Right because he's cute and educational without being annoying!

There's the list, some are crazy choices but I love these filmi men and there's something perfect in them that makes them a Mr Right for me. I definitely need to do a lovable rebels and Bad man list in the future, because there are so many perfect Mr Wrongs! Who are some of your Mr Filmi Rights or even your Filmi Mr Wrongs?

Filmi-ish Essay - Devdas a useless lafunga or heartbroken lover?

2010-02-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

Bechaara Devdas, the self destructive anti-hero

I know I have been a really annoying twitter person whenever I have an essay due, but its because of my laziness that i put everything off to the last minute! I hope the teacher likes this because I like it and I hope you enjoy it too. This essay is more about the novel Devdas than the movies but it goes in depth and wonders why Devdas is a inactive lazy bum! Sorry i have to say I love how i used the word ISHHH in the title after that silly sound Aishwariya makes in the rubbish 2002 version of the film! Hope you like it!

Devdas: A Byronic Bollywood Hero

“Devdas” by Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay is one of the classics of Indian literature, subject to many film adaptations in Indian cinema, including a recent psychedelic version of the story. Devdas deserves to be placed in the Norton Anthology alongside other great writers, due to its tragic eponymous hero and the insights into Bengali life.

Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay was one of the leading literary deities of Bengal, he published several books earlier Nishkriti, Charitraheen, Parineeta, and Srikanta, but his most famous novel is Devdas. Sarat Chandra was born on September 15th, 1876 in Devanandapur, a village in West Bengal. He spent his childhood in poverty and was constantly shifting from town to town in Bengal, and received little formal education. In his adulthood, he moved to Burma in 1903, and it was here that Sarat Chandra started sending his novels and short stories to Calcutta journals. The reigning author during this time was Rabindranath Tagore, who had a rumoured rivalry with Sarat Chandra, whose novels were much more understandable and realistic for the reading masses of Bengal. It would be fitting to include Sarat Chandra to the canon of literature due to his indelible mark on Indian literature with his unforgettable character Devdas.

His crowning achievement Devdas was written in 1901, and later published after some revisions in 1917, which included the more tragic ending to the novel. The novel tells the tragic love story of Devdas and Paro, childhood sweethearts torn apart when Devdas leaves for school in Calcutta, and when he returns Paro proposes they get married. Devdas, unable to stand up to his parents, rejects her, and Paro is married off to a wealthy widower. Devdas, heartbroken after another rejection from Paro, returns to Calcutta and along with his friend Chunilal he seeks solace in alcohol and a courtesan Chandramukhi who falls for him. Devdas continues on his self-destructive path until on his deathbed, when he travels to Paro’s home only to die alone at her doorstep.

This tragic tale has stayed in the minds of readers because of its seminal hero that can immediately be identified in the subsequent films and novels featuring a self-destructive hero. Devdas is not a typical romantic hero, because he is unable to proclaim his love for Paro despite loving her dearly. In one scene in the novel, Paro boldly goes to Devdas in the night to propose their marriage, but Devdas is preoccupied with protecting her honour rather than facing up to the real reason she came to him, and answers with:

“You must know that my parents are dead against this?
Parvati nodded – she knew.
She didn’t say a word more. After what seemed like an eternity, Devdas heaved a sigh
and said, “So then, why?” (Pg36)

This exchange highlights Devdas’ anti-hero like status, as he is unable to accept his love and rejects Paro, because of parental opposition. Even through earlier passages in the novel, we can tell Devdas loves Paro, but he cannot upset societal norms of marrying from another caste. After this scene, Devdas is chastised by his parents and he escapes to Calcutta, where he writes a letter of rejection to Paro claiming, “Another thing: I had never felt that I loved you tremendously – even today. I cannot feel any deep well of sorrow in my heart for you … Try to forget me, I pray that you succeed,” (Pg39). This rash action by Devdas reveals his indecisive nature as soon as he posts the letter he realizes he is actually in love with Paro. He then feels guilty for sending the letter, and muses, “How would this arrow he had dispatched go and hit her?”(Pg40), he later realizes his folly of upholding the narrow-minded views of the caste system, which an educated man like Devdas can see is wrong.

Devdas is a tragic character worth studying in literature because he is so inactive and indecisive in his love story, which sets forth his downward spiral. The reason he is indecisive is that the love of Paro and Chandramukhi is what drives the narrative, the situations when they confront Devdas is what develops him as a character. Devdas turns to drink when Paro rejects his proposal that they elope before her wedding, in anger he strikes her brow, “For shame Paro, I have merely left a mark for you to remember our last meeting,”(Pg46), this moment solidifies their relationship as the blood resembles the sindoor in the hair parting of a married Hindu woman. With this rejection, Devdas is dejected and he willingly goes to the courtesan harem and drinks his sorrows away. Devdas begins to hate women and spurns Chandramukhi, who finds him charming; “There isn’t a woman on earth who wouldn’t deny herself this heaven,” (Pg92) she muses of his company. Later Devdas begins to care for Chandramukhi but he cannot love her as he is still in love with Paro. He acknowledges his indecisiveness when he visits Chandramukhi, who has settled down and given up her sinful life, saying, “Perhaps Bou, you will suffer like Paro because of me,”(Pg116), the use of Bou, which means wife, highlights it is Chandramukhi who Devdas provides money and pleasure as a husband would. Devdas is one of the most complex characters of Indian literature, because the choices he makes are detrimental for all involved in the love triangle, as he pines for Paro whom he rejected, and Chandramukhi whom he also grows to like is denied by him because her low status. Devdas’ self-destructive tendencies occur because he feels like a victim of the situations that he has created for himself. Sarat Chandra does not describe characters but puts them in difficult situations to which the reader has to infer into the character, as Devdas has become an identifiable figure in the many movie adaptations or of characters that pine for unfulfilled love. Devdas is a novel to be studied in a literature class because of the strong women that shape his character.

Devdas is an important novel to be included in a Norton Anthology book, because of the social conventions of Indian life affect the narrative. Devdas belongs to zamindari/landlord family and Paro’s family live and work on their land. When Paro’s grandmother broaches the subject of Paro and Devdas’ marriage to his mother, she rejects this notion, “The Chakravaty’s was a trading household. And they lived next door. Oh shame!”(Pg24) the class differences are ironically the aspect, which separates the two lovers as opposed to caste differences as both families are Brahmins. Sarat Chandra uses the differences to aid in separating the lovers, as Devdas is unable to face opposition from his parents and rejects Paro.
Class differences also tear apart the burgeoning relationship between Chandramukhi and Devdas, as she is a fallen woman who Devdas cannot possibly break social norms to live with. Chandramukhi nurses Devdas back to health, when she spots him during a drinking binge; once Devdas is healed, she asks to be his nurse, but he will not allow his name to be disrespected as Chandramukhi realizes, “She could help Devdas regain his health, she could give him pleasure, but she could never give him respectability,” (Pg116). The novel set in colonialist India, makes no mention of British rule other than the Devdas who is dressed smartly and smokes a pipe when he returns from Calcutta after his studies.

Sarat Chandra used his novels to highlight social problems of Bengali life, and in “Devdas,” he makes light of the issue of dowry. Paro, who is of age to be married at 13, and born into a poorer household, her father, rejects the social practise, “But Nilkantha-babu abhorred this practise. He had no intention of selling Parvati and making money on the transaction,” (Pg23) Sarat Chandra here reveals that daughters should not be sold as if making a business deal for marriage. Devdas is one of the only novels where Sarat Chandra does not make an explicit social point to educate his readers, as he leaves the novel as an open text where readers may form their own opinions on the predicament of the eponymous hero.

Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s “Devdas” would be a suitable addition to a literature book like the Norton Anthology, because he created the classic self-destructive hero for Indian cinema and, the original source would be a good companion to the films. Devdas is a thoughtful novel that allows readers to make their own judgement of the hero, and gain insights into Bengali culture during the 1900’s.

Let me know your thoughts about Devdas and his annoyingness!

Wake Up Sid - How I fell in Love with Ranbir Kapoor and this Film!

2010-01-25T11:30:00.000-08:00

Yes thats Ranbir floating in my head lol!

(Warning this review contains: SQUEALS, SQUEAKS, YAAY'S)

I have been quite lazy and busy with homework these days and have put off my reviews instead making funny lists and mini reviews. But I'm back with a fully fledged review of gushing and fawning over this film which i really like! I missed out on the opportunity to see this film at the local cinema which was silly of me, because who doesn't wanna watch Ranbir onscreen, I swore my allegiance to the Ranbir-brigade by going out to see his first blue film Saawariya and torturing my mum through that!

But I digress as usual, so we meet Sid(Ranbir Kapoor) a rich and lazy boy at college spending his days in fun with his two friends Rishi(Namit Das) and Laxmi(Shikha Talsania). But being a lazy guy he doesn't study for tests, barely attends classes, and is a directionless guy unlike his somewhat focused friends. What I loved about this film, is how identifiable the situations are, who hasn't been stumped during a final exam, and partying with friends. At the leaving ball he meets Aisha(Konkona Sensharma)

I want a nicely decorated place like Aisha's!
Aisha is a new arrival to the city of Mumbai - which they all refer to Bombay, which explains the quick apology at the beginning, I can imagine Kjo grovelling at Bal Thakeray's feet for an apology! She's new to the city, and Sid helps her out finding a place, while he avoids work at his dad's(Anupam Kher - great performace) shower company. Another gush moment, I really liked how Sid and his dad's relationship was explored and how distant they were unless his dad had to pay for Sid's partying! It was completely moving and touching, Anupam surprised me with a really heartfelt role! But Sid being the wastrel he is, ditches work to help paint at Aisha's new pad which allows for the song "Life Is Crazy" which is one of those montages you've seen a million times but it was cute and i ended going "YAAY PAINTING!" like an absolute nutter! Yaay Painting with Ranbir!

Then Sid fails his exams, and instead of understanding it was his own fault he blames his friends and his hapless Maa(Supriya Pathak - so sweet!) insulting her, and receiving the wrath from his dad! This scene was very well done, and Ranbir can really be quite intense in his shouting matches lol! He packs his bags and heads over to Aisha's pad, where he flourishes under her care and shock! horroR! He wakes up! Sorry i had to be a useless reviewer and use the title of the film to reiterate my point LOL!

The second half is the great part of the film where we see Sid finally accepting his responsibilities and slowly falling in love with Aisha his waker-upper! The wonderful part of the post-intermission stuff is that Sid blooms under the help of all the women in his life, like making an egg from the neighbour Kashmira Shah, and getting help in his career from Aisha at the magazine she works at! Where i might say the hot boss is again played by Rahul Khanna, bechaara he is always playing the hot boss who gets ditched but alas we get to look at him naa?! What i was trying to say is that its a refreshing message to see Sid not needing a male role model to look upto because he's got Aisha who helped with his waking up(I'm sorry, brain is squeal mode and chai with lots of sugar mode!!) and Aisha equally falls for Sid slowly and thats what i liked love was gradual instead of a Meet-Cute and then a mishap here and there and we're all in love! One of the cutest scenes in the film
The gradual love is signalled with one of my favorite songs of the year, Iktara which i sing all day long! A couple of reunions and piecing together of relationships, Sid is a new responsible thoughtful guy with a job as an photography intern!

SQUEAL SQUEAK YAAAY = I really liked this film, it definitely goes in the Heartfelt Masala state in the Masala Pradesh. Perhaps I loved it so much because it spoke to me, as the situations in the film of being a lazy lafunga is basically my life story! That you actually have to seek your own destiny and jobs, that its not gonna land in your lap like the Masala films i watch too much! The fact that we saw a character growing up from boy to man and like the hilarious headline in some New York mag "Woman teaches Man-Child to grow up!"

And its supremely refreshing to see a man apologizing to the women in his life, and doing chores and taking ownership for his life instead of being a lazy lafunga! And the lafunga in question is the prince of dil right now, RANBIRR!!! He was wonderful here, capturing the arrogance of the spoilt boy to the man realising what life is all about, it was a very good performance and cuttteee! Konkona is excellent in anything and whenever she's in a mainstream movie she just gives it some class!

The performances were all wonderful and it was a great effort from the debut director Ayan Mukherjee who gave it nice touch of realism. Sure some situations like the end hug was a bit silly but i alas got the soundbyte for the ages with Ranbir's utterance of "III LOWWVE UUU AAIISHAA!" and maybe it seemed to quick for Sid to land a photo in the next issue, as a somewhat-journalist I can say that does and doesn't happen at mags. But that's just nitpicking, I loved it and it was one of the most satisfying films I saw this year. Most importantly films all over are supposed to evoke a reaction and emotion and perhaps speak to you, and thats what this film did for me. I'm still a bit of a Lazy Lafungi but I really enjoyed this film with its post-modern film techniques of the montages and the real situations!

Must say the music to this film is wonderful and I really liked the music interludes of the "Just the Two of Us" or the song when he's taking his pictures, thankfully i can live a happy life because I found them on the net, they really should have added them to the soundtrack!

All in all Wake Up Sid was one of my definite favourites of this year, a refereshingly real film of Waking up! (I had to!)

Now I need to nosh on some breakfast too!

Masala Pradesh's Filmi Animals Pound

2010-01-05T10:32:00.001-08:00

The masala pradesh has a booming business of taking in filmi bachhas, but now I turn my attentions to the animals that populate Bollywood. I just had my Canadian film class last night and the film the teacher showed was a Masala Doggie movie, where the black lab could easily rival Brownie Moti in terms of crying and Olivier-esque acting, which made me think of the animals that need to be taken in at the Masala Pradesh Zoo. If you need to adopt more animals then go over to Todd's Brilliant Animalympics, with many animals that I haven't seen before but obviously I need to! I don't think I'll put these animals in cages as you never know when Amitabh might beckon Sheroo with a "Allah Rakha!" or a Jackie Shroff needing avenging by Moti. So here are some the animals that reside at the Filmi Animals pound!Tuffy - Hum Aapke Hai Kaun

The most egregious doggie that resides at the pound, Tuffy was the popular and annoying dog in HAHK that was a wonder dog that reunited the warring lovers, barked the house down when accidents happened and generally was a helpful little thing. There's also something spiritual about Tuffy as he's able to receive messages from Krishna as seen in HAHK,

We interviewed Tuffy about his spirituality and he said, "Yes somehow as a wonder dog I was able to talk to Lord Krishna, he gave me the powers to save the day" What a wonder dog indeed

Badal -Mard
Yes that's Badal the horse carrying his master Mard in the swimming pool! What can I say about Badal that hasn't been said before, he's just a romantic at heart. Badal is a loving horse that when his master looks the other way, he trots off to flirt with the statue of General Curzon's horse.

We asked Badal about his love, "Well, what can I say, she had kaali kaali aankhen, and kaali kaali gaal, after that I was smitten with Ms.Curzon"
Badal loves to help out like other valiant animals of this pound, he frequently neighs to alert people of danger, and he has a rivalry with Moti the dog as the doggie had upstaged him in many scenes. Badal has never recovered from this showmanship and often spouts stories of the times Moti told him to restrain his antics on screen!

Moti - Mard

We now come to the most thespian of filmi animals Moti, when the Pradesh adopted Moti he asked us this one request: to find his long lost brother Brownie Moti who starred in the seminal doggie vigilante masala Teri Meherbaniyan. We checked on imdb and located his badhe bhai! Moti unlike his brother is a funster in his films, like a comic sidekick Moti was able to evoke laughter on the set all the time, especially in his raucous peeing on Bob Christo scene.

Moti told us about this, "Mr Christo was apprehensive about me, he felt I might steal the scene, which I did, but after a few takes of that scene we got on like a house on fire, we are still friends to this day!"

Moti ever the courageous type of dog, agreed to many deadly stunts in the movie such as the sinking sand, Moti told us many times that Amitabh always needed rescuing and had a resentment for Moti who was always able to do Akshay Kumar-style stunts. Moti and his brother are great friends after so many years of separation.

Sheroo the Wonder Bird - Dharam Veer

Yes I have personally sponsored this great bird in the Pradesh so that he can continue his fighting and baby-carrying skills! Sheroo like Moti had a long lost brother Allah Rakha, who was snatched from the nest by the dastardly Manmohan Desai, separating the two loving brothers. Sheroo was one of the best birds to ever grace the Bollywood screen along with his brother.

Sheroo showed great prowess into performing such stunts in the film, most importantly the baby carrying scene, he told us this, "Mr Desai was worried for me, and employed my cousin Veeru for the scene, he was injured several times. So I stepped in, and did the scene in one take, the baby grew up to my godson!"
Sheroo remained great friends with Pran who pratically played his sidekick in the film, and Sheroo was a scene-stealer in many parts of the film where Dharam couldn't do justice to the material. Sheroo lives happily at the pound continually practicising his swooping and acting skills, he will soon be doing his stunt comeback film in the future!

Allah Rakha - Coolie

(Wonderful picture sent by my Filmi Secret Santa!) Like his older brother, Allah Rakha has a passion for daredevilry and stunts. AR was always mistaken for his brother whom he was separated from, so Manmohan Desai employed him. So he took this role in Coolie in the hopes that badha bhai might recognize him from the palatial nest Manmohan gifted him after DharamVeer. AR was the cleverer of the brothers as he insisted on doing a stunt that showed off his doctor skills by scratching out the infected eye of a villain. AR shared some cold vibes with star Amitabh who was upset that AR got a hair-raising stunt opposite a helicopter!

AR was also there that fateful day when AB got his intestines kicked in, he recounts, "Yes I was there that shocking day, I was unable to move the desk that he got rammed into as I just had beak surgery from the exacting stunt with the helicopter, it was a terrible day, whatever animosity I felt for him was gone, and flew to his hospital window everyday"

AR is living in peace at the pound, he gets visits from his loyal friends and a special visit every year from star Amitabh!

Brownie Moti - Teri Meherbaniyan
After reading Todd's hilarious review of this film, I went down to my local aunty dvdwallah to find it, she gave me a shocked look, but I knew that a vigilante dog film was all i needed in life! Brownie Moti was the long lost older brother of Moti, we fulfilled Moti request to look for his brother and found him. From this film alone, Brownie Moti is an actor par excellence, he went above the script and made it sublime. Hell hath no fury of a dog scorned, sure he was run over as a filmi puppy but he sure loved his master Jackie Shroff! Brownie Moti was on par with the emoting of SRK, the anger of Amitabh, and the sublimeness of Olivier.
The private Brownie Moti sat with me and recounted, "This was a difficult film to make, as it took me to a place as an actor I never knew I had. The material was wonderful, a canine actor's dream role. I connected with the audience and I'm sure they loved it, its one of my personal favorite films as its a typical masala vigilante storry, but I was able to rise above it and pull out my personal best"
Brownie Moti, though not as popular as his brother Moti, is attempting a comeback on the lines of a Mera Naam Moti magnum opus of his life!

I hope you enjoyed this post as it featured some of the brightest filmi animal stars and all my personal faves! My madness continues soon with a Bollywood version of Paradise Lost with Pran as the Shaitaan, do let me know if I've missed out any of your fave animals!